Follow-up on to all those who are jealous of me. NEED ADVICE

#BestBubby

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 3:14 pm

Did anyone see this issue debated on TV show "Young Sheldon"

The mother wanted to buy her genius son a personal computer which was expensive.

When father said there was no $ in budget, Mother said she had some secret money
that she had been saving.

Father got mad and said, "You see every penny I earn, and my money is our money,
but your money is your money?!?"

Next day Dad bought a few cases of beer. When Mom got mad husband said

"Don't worry, Dear. I didn't use your money. I used mine."

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 3:22 pm

Didn't read all replies but...
at one point we decided to have separate bank accts, mainly bec DH will never write a down a check in a register... & it drove me crazy

We divided responsibilities. He took care of rent & utilities & tuitions.
I took care of food & kids clothing & e/t for myself.
Done easily just by tying separate CCs to our respective accounts.

However when my DD took over the grocery shopping & I felt she spent too much, DH took over the food bill as well. In fact I once walked into grocery & realized I didn't have the other CC but only mine & actually started having a sort of panic attack....

Anyhow this way my check goes to all my discretionary spending that's left after my expenses etc.

Of course you're coming from a totally different view but maybe think about suggesting something like this. Your check goes into YOUR account & you offer to cover certain household expenses while he covers the rest. Negotiate from there.

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 3:36 pm

A lot of these suggestions seem over blown. Op, why can't you have a separate account in which you discuss with dh and put $1000 (about a tenth of your monthly earnings) for you to spend or save as you wish. And then like can proceed as normal. You previously said that dh is aware is trying to be less uptight about money. Work with that. It seems, that as in many houses, your husband is on top of the financials and bills and all. Let that all continue because on the last thread it didn't bother you. $1000 a month gives you plenty of space. and as in all relationships, bigger expenses (say, an entirely new maternity wardrobe, new furniture, etc) can be discussed and debated.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 3:38 pm

It sounds like you can use marriage counseling to discuss this. Or private therapy, to help you push back. This doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic, and It's stressful to have to set up private accounts and syphon off money.

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 4:26 pm

amother [ Pear ] wrote:

if she tells him all the money I earn is only mine what stops him from doing the same in return?

He’s doing that now even though she’s the one earning all the money. He thinks it’s all his.