NICU trauma | Imamother

amother

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:09 pm

Can a person have trauma from having been in the NICU as a newborn?

All alone, no loving touch, painful procedures, hungry, struggling to breathe, no way to understand what's happening...

I have heard of adults having PTSD after being on a ventilator during COVID. And people can have trauma from things they don't remember.

Has anyone heard of this or experienced it? I'm so worried 😟

happy chick

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:14 pm

im really not sure about the trauma part, thats pretty young. most newborns dont have long term memory and dont have very predictable lives anyways. but having no physical touch can definitely effect their progress. but, why hungry? a newborn should never be left hungry.

refuah shleima and I hope your baby comes home soon in complete health.

ettilou

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:30 pm

All my kids went to the NICU( I have very complicated pregnancies) my middle child was in there 6 weeks ands I TOTALLY freaked out that he was alone when u couldn’t be there. I literally cried and was SO depressed. He’s now 18 and there mist loving special boy there is. He doesn’t have issues of abandonment or being detached. Do what you can Mom, your baby will be fine❤️❤️❤️

amother

Hyssop

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:33 pm

I've always wondered the same thing - how can a baby possibly emerge from that torture as a healthy human being?
I have 2 kids who went through A LOT in the NICU (surgeries, endless pricking and poking for months) and they actually seem to have no memories or side effects from it. One is 6 and one is 12. Sometimes I see a lack of empathy in one of them, and the other is very demanding and has a fit of she doesn't get her way, but I think these are normal personality traits that any kid can have. Seems like BH, they really have no memories or trauma from the NICU.
The trauma that the mother goes through is a whole different story.... I'm scarred for life

amother

Acacia

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:41 pm

Well my NICU and then later on PICU baby/toddler/preschooler thinks getting a blood test or having an IV is a special activity...

Other than the 2 weeks we were not allowed to hold my baby, we sat there holding her and bonding most of the day. And even those 2 weeks, we were still able to hold her hand and stroke her cheeks and sing and talk to her. Obviously other people’s situations will be different and experiences will be different than ours, but bh I can say there is no lasting trauma.

amother

Acacia

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:49 pm

happy chick wrote:

I heard something about the subconscious trauma memory. But better not to dwell on these things and just focus on giving the child whatever they need now physically and emotionally.

Fox

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:51 pm

I'm beginning to believe that more kids are traumatized by their parents worrying that they're traumatized than by actual trauma.

Yes, I'm sure it's possible that some kids have signs of trauma as a result of difficult early medical interventions. But please don't borrow trouble. Focus on helping your child become a resilient problem-solver rather than monitering him/her for difficulties that may never emerge or may have an entirely different cause.

amother

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:53 pm

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

We were not allowed to touch/speak/sing to her for the first week 😞

amother

Acacia

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:54 pm

Fox wrote:

Liking this isn’t enough!

amother

Poppy

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:55 pm

DC was in the NICU and in and out of hospitals for the next 3 years. 14 times under anesthesia before 2 years old including open heart surgery and chemo. More pokes and pricks than anyone can count. He is my most well adjusted child. I do focus a lot on physical health, as I feel that affects mental health a lot, but it doesn’t appear he bears any overt trauma. Loves going to drs and checkups, once asserted confidently when reading about curious George in the hospital that he never slept in the hospital, and that he only had 1 blood test in his life.

Caregiver PTSD, on the other hand, is VERY real.

amother

Snow

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 4:59 pm

First of all, I had a child for a short stay in a NICU and nurses who take care of babies are incredible. Every time someone came and engaged with the babies, they talked to them non-stop and were very tender and loving.

Then, I don't know about trauma, but it is known that babies who are talked to and touched while in NICU (and after, I guess), recover faster than those who don't get as much contact.

Of course it is a tough start. I am sorry. Now your daughter is with you and you can give her all the loving!

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 7:26 pm

Op, yes there is research on this and it is for sure is a trauma for the babies. It’s very very sad but we need to accept that Hashem put our babies there and this is all part of their nisayon and journey of life. With that being said, I have had a few babies in the NICU and I was very aware of this. I really prioritized being there as much as possible to hold them and ensure that they were getting the best care possible. It’s very challenging especially with a household of small children and recuperating etc but to me this was top priority. I never left them alone for Shabbos and stayed in the hospital. (Disclaimer, I didn’t have a baby there for months on end as I don’t know how I would navigate this for months and months.) People always say that their big kids at home need them, and that’s very true. But the baby in the NICU is in a much more fragile and vulnerable state. They might not remember but the subconscious retains memories and trauma. An older kid as long as they feel emotionally connected to you they will be resilient and weather the storm for a short period of time. My older children remember the time fondly. I was home in the morning when they went to school and came home for dinner bedtime etc. but evenings and during the day was with the baby.

If your baby is home from NICU, I would just try to nurture the baby as much as possible. Skin to skin if they are still little, nursing, holding, singing anything you would do with a regular baby to enhance attachment.
Be conscious of this abandonment that they went though and be extra careful to not replicate it in their regular life. ( CIO, leaving with strangers unnecessarily etc)
Much nachas!

FranticFrummie

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 7:39 pm

Of course you must nurture and bond with your child as much as possible.

Still, do not go overboard when the child gets older. You can't spoil a baby, but you can certainly spoil a toddler. Giving in to every whine because you still feel guilty about the first couple weeks of the child's life is not healthy, either.

The best gift you can give to your child, is to be calm and NORMAL. Babies can pick up on their parents' feelings of stress, and you don't want to give that over. If you need therapy to get through your own NICU trauma, then please get that.

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 7:44 pm

My 1 year old is pretty clingy and I do wonder if it's because of his week long nicu stay and lots of pricks at the follow up appointments. But he also gets tons of quality time with me and my husband bh, so I try not to worry. Focus on what you can do, which is love and support your baby, and iyh with Hashem's help there will be no lasting effects.

amother

Hyacinth

Wed, Dec 29 2021, 8:13 pm

Fox wrote:

Yeah I think most of it is just self fulfilling honestly. Like, ok, some developmental issues are to be expected (especially if they were extremely premature), but anything more resembling trauma is probably more from our own trauma of having had a nicu baby. My 6 year old preemie has some minor developmental delays that are obviously from his prematurity, he's also definitely the clingiest of my kids but having had such a rough start, I've always been more worried about his health plus he's had to have the most interventions in terms of therapies etc. I think that's more likely to be the cause of his clinginess than memories of his nicu stay.