Why is it so hard for me to pray?

singleagain

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 10:14 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

This is true. However, you cannot deny that when certain principles have been ingrained since birth it can be very difficult to break out of that mindset.

Yes, I agree. It can be hard to break free of things ingrained from birth.

Personally, I never connected to davening in the first place so maybe that's why it's a little bit easier for me to just forge my own relationship with God

I also got to say though being forced to conform really did not help me. I know that my high school was very against me because I didn't daven in the group even though I sat there quietly and sometimes Messed through the siddur but because I didn't actually say the words, they had major issues.... So I would definitely recommend not trying to force yourself

Debbie

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 11:39 am

OP I too don't have the easiest time praying.
I say the morning brochas, Shema, Shemonei Esrei and a few other things; but too often it feels as though I'm just saying them and I don't generally feel this great rush of spirituality I expect to feel.
However I do feel more uplifted on Shabbos and Yom Tov when I pray in Shul with other people.
Someone suggested that I try singing the prayers, alas it didn't help me, but I do find personal supplications of my own words helps keep me connected.

Just to add that I've seen comments about prayers being answered, and it reminds me of something I heard in a shiur, that 'no' is also an answer.
May all our prayers be answered for the good!

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 11:50 am

Debbie wrote:

Two of my favorite thoughts on tefilla:
1. In Shema we say hadevarim ha'eila AL levavecha. On your heart, not in your heart. Because we will go through periods of time when our hearts are hard, and impervious to any possibilities. But hold the thoughts ON your heart. One day there will be a crack, and then everything that is stacked on your heart will fall through the cracks into your heart.
Maybe. Just maybe.

2. This from Rabbi Reisman, about the value of going through the motions. He tells the moshol of the villagers who waited for the traveling timepiece repairman to come fix their broken clocks. If they kept winding them, even when broken, the mechanisms wouldn't atrophy but if not, they were unfixable when the repairman came. So there's no saying if and when the malaise will end, but by keeping on davening, the mechanism is still viable.

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 11:58 am

Debbie wrote:

PinkFridge Thank you for your wise words.
I definitely have days when I put my Siddur back on the shelf and feel that my davening was meaningful, but it's not a daily feeling.
Nevertheless I pray daily and hope for the best!

Oh good. I'm glad this is helpful. I don't want to be an annoying chipper Pollychana when some people just need a safe place to vent Smile

amother

Daylily

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:17 pm

It's a problem for most everyone. It's one of the hardest things. How do you talk to someone who doesn't really talk back?

There used to be a blog, a very long time ago, written by a woman who just discovered she had terminal cancer. I remember one post where she talked about how she spent an hour just saying brachos, suddenly struck by all the meaning in it.

Unfortunately, I have seen this. My husband told me he knew someone was really sick in shul when his davening suddenly changed. He was niftar some time later.

I don't know what any of this means, but I hope that one day I can learn to pray even without pain and sorrow. I want to pray out of joy.

amother

Orange

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:26 pm

I also have a hard time with formal davening and I do daven everyday but I don't say the whole thing and wish I would say more when I have the time but I just find excuses not to

For some reason when I'm at a spiritual place (sometimes shul) but let's say the kosel or kever rochel where I feel connected or I'm at a vacation place with beautiful views and all is quiet and still I then WANT to daven and can daven for so much longer. I just feel so much more connected

But I do talk to Hashem throughout the day just when it comes to davening from a siddur I don't enjoy it

Would love to hear tips

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:31 pm

amother Orange wrote:

You know, it's not a bad thing if one day you treat yourself to a nice coffee or something, or take all the kids out for Slurpees to celebrate a really great davening, or davening well one day when you thought it would be hard. You're not going to make yourself a sticker chart for the kids to see, or let them take your pulse regularly, but you'll let them know that this is real for you.

amother

Orange

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:38 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Really nice idea thanks!

Debbie

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:43 pm

I sometimes wonder how inspired the menfolk are with the daily prayers; they go to Shul three times a day to say pretty much the same thing every time...ok Shacharis is somewhat different, but I wonder how often a man just doesn't feel like it, and goes from a sense of duty rather than a sense of love for the prayers.

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:48 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

The bolded rally resonates with me. How do we have a relationship with hashem who is so unclear? We don't understand why anything is happening. We understand his plan at all.

I think anyone would agree that the key to a relationship is communication and understanding. I don't think we have that with hashem. He doesn't communicate with us and we don't understand his ways.

amother

Orange

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:52 pm

Debbie wrote:

I think it's much easier to daven in a framework and I don't see men worrying about how uninspired they are for some reason, it's us who crave the connection more

Debbie

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 1:59 pm

amother Orange wrote:

I think it's much easier to daven in a framework and I don't see men worrying about how uninspired they are for some reason, it's us who crave the connection more

You could be right.
Nevertheless as much as I daven better on Shabbos and Yom Tov when I go to Shul, I'm not sure how inspired I would be if I was obligated to go three times a day, every day.
However Hashem made me a woman so I will continue to try my best at home!

amother

Daylily

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 2:07 pm

amother Cinnamon wrote:

YES!!! This is why I never understand when people talk about "connecting" to Hashem. How do you connect to Hashem when He doesn't talk to you?

#BestBubby

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 2:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

I believe in Hashem. I believe Hashem is the only one that cares. I want to love him more. I try so hard. I fall, and try again. Why is it hard for me to Daven? I see people that can't wait and the excitement they feel before Prayer. I don't have that. I need to force myself to open a Siddur. I feel horrible that I don't have the excitement for Prayer. I do speak to Hashem daily. But I want to learn how to love Prayer.

It is VERY UNUNUSUAL for people to be "excited davveners".

Davening is something nearly all people need chizzuk in.

Try davening only the basics - Brochos, Shema, Shemona Esrei

and use a Siddur with an English Translation to help you concentrate.

Also - try talking to Hashem in ENGLISH - asking your needs, and Thanking Hashem for what you have.

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 2:18 pm

Debbie wrote:

They do have props.
But as the conventional wisdom goes, we don't need them. (Insert devil emoji?)

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 2:19 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

YES!!! This is why I never understand when people talk about "connecting" to Hashem. How do you connect to Hashem when He doesn't talk to you?

Through His people. Through His Torah. Through finding the beauty and meaning in joy in the lifestyle He mandated for us.

Debbie

Tue, Aug 23 2022, 2:22 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

They do have props.
But as the conventional wisdom goes, we don't need them. (Insert devil emoji?)

You mean us women being on some higher level? Personally I might be on a higher level when the women's section is upstairs, but I can't say I feel it otherwise!