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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Purim
dancingqueen
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 Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:07 pm
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I think the Rabbi and Rebetzin of my shul would and the teachers and principals of my kids schools for sure do dress up for Purim. I think it’s great, even adults are allowed to have fun.
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amother
Camellia
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:07 pm
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I tried, dh made fun of me. made me feel like a baby.
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amother
Mint
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:13 pm
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I don't for tznius reasons.
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zaq
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:14 pm
Like the First Lady of the US, the big rebbetzin here doesn't carry her groceries home in a bubby cart but has them delivered. I, along with most other peasant women, use bubby carts. I'm sure the rebbetzin and First Lady also don't scrub toilets, either, but I don't have household help and scrub my toilet. Just because the big rebbetzin doesn't do something doesn't make it wrong or even undignified, so I'm not modeling my Purim celebrations on hers.
In my community, we all do our own thing. One of the prominent couples dresses up in rather elaborate costumes every year. Nothing homemade, clearly rented from a theatrical supplier. They are grandparents many times over and have been doing this since they were newlyweds. Other people wouldn't be caught dead in so much as a funny hat; so be it.
Dressing up in costume is good, clean, harmless fun and is, BTW, a way of carrying out the theme of "hester panim" and "ad delo yada." Purim was all about people assuming false identities, hiding their true selves, presenting themselves as something they were not, which is why we take on false identities by dressing up as someone we're not.
If you ask me, what's truly childish, to say nothing of irresponsible, dangerous and damaging in so many ways, is to get stinking drunk on Purim. Worse still, to get buzzed and get behind the wheel of a car. Long live costumes!
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bigsis144
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:20 pm
I collect real clothing items all year long (none of that cheap polyester Halloween costume stuff) and assemble pirate or dieselpunk or classical Greek or mad scientist costumes, or wear a teal sheitel that suits my complexion…
So, yeah, I take dressing up very seriously.
It’s one of the reasons why I never became a Rebbetzin. I taught math, science and theater, and took my role as an educator and example to my students very seriously. My students LOVED seeing me all dressed up, and I hope I taught them something about authenticity and that there is still fun and joy when you grow up.
If someone doesn’t want to dress up, I don’t consider them a spoilsport. My husband is very serious about wearing bigdei Shabbos on Purim because it’s a yom tov. And I respect that just like I respect someone saying their personal sense of tznius prevents them from dressing in an eye-catching manner.
But truly, I really think that having a pressure valve like Purim for creative expression is important in showing the broadness and joy of Yiddishkeit.
Last edited by bigsis144 on Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Coral
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:22 pm
Adults would wear silly hats or bandanas
I wear a silly wig and maybe a silly skirt and call it a day.
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DREAMING
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:27 pm
I think as a woman anything that calls attention to oneself (like an obvious costume) isn’t tznius.
I’m not home on Purim but if I was I may put on a fun hat or something
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shaqued_almond
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 8:35 pm
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Leah imenu and Yaakov avinu both got brachot for dressing up. Costumes increase my joy on Purim so I'll always dress up but I'm oot
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sarahmalka
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 9:07 pm
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OOT here in a small community that's a combo of MO, Lubavitch, and Kollel/yeshivish. Many adults both men and women do dress up here, some with full costumes but most with just a funky wig or hat or wild tie. But not everyone. TBH I didn't even really pay attention to which rebbeim and rebbitzens dress up and which don't until you asked this question! I grew up secular and barely even celebrating Purim so have no expectations of what's standard in this regard. In my town, the people who push the boundaries of tznius in costumes are the same people who push the boundaries of tznius in regular clothing. It's not like a sudden free-for-all. I have WAY more of a problem with the excessive drinking than I do with costume choices.
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amother
Papayawhip
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 9:53 pm
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My husband dresses up matching the theme my kids are wearing. I do not get dressed up. (Flatbush)
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aimhabanim
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 9:58 pm
[quote="DREAMING"]I think as a woman anything that calls attention to oneself (like an obvious costume) isn’t tznius.
I agree with this completely. My dd is trying to convince me to wear a tiara or something little like that but in my opinion it’s calling attention to myself and therefore not tznius
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 10:00 pm
I want to clarify that Im not saying objectively that it's babyish.
It's just because as a child, dressing up was only for the kids, in my perception it remains a childish thing to do.
But I am able to see that objectively speaking it may not be childish. Just my perception is colored by my own experience.
I also want to clarify my stance on "what does the rebbetzin do".
No, I'm not suggesting that you model yourself in every area after the rebbetzin. (And just as an fyi- I'm a rebbetzin and I do scrub toilets and I do use shopping carts. So I'm not sure which rebbetzins you are referring to.)
All I mean by that is that at times when you are unsure about how you feel about a certain thing, look at the people you respect and admire. Your teachers, mentors, people in the community you look up to. If you are striving to be more like them (which this friend of mine is) it's helpful to see how the comport themselves.
This is true about any area in life.
If you want to be a better author, analyze the writing of authors you emulate. If you are a composer, study the compositions of the composers you like. If you want to be a better dresser, observe the people who dress in a way you admire. Etc..
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amother
Vermilion
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 10:05 pm
Here in Lakewood I see both. Lots of parents dress up to match the family theme. The mother will usually wear a top that matches and a hat/ headband, nothing too crazy.
I find dressing up puts me in a purim happy mode.
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amother
Forestgreen
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 10:52 pm
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My chashuv Rebetzin mother has a grey curly sheitel she wears on Purim. I’d swap Sheitel’s as well. Men who are of dignity imho do not and should not get dressed up. We stop dressing up at bas mitzva we are chasidish
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amother
Silver
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 11:10 pm
Op I just want to say that I appreciate the tone in which you posted.
Not bashing, or ‘calling out’ anyone that does dress up, just putting out your feelings.
After the hot mess on this site this week, I appreciate it.
(Eta I did not read after page 1)
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Ima_Shelli
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 11:14 pm
Oh Gosh. Do what makes you feel good. Sometimes I dress up, sometimes I don’t. If my husband ever told me not to get dressed up when I wanted to, let’s just say that would not end well. (He’s not my boss. I’m not his. We don’t tell each other what to do.)
Nothing untznius or undignified about it as long as you’re not wearing I don’t know, a strapless thigh high costume? It’s fine. It’s Purim. Enjoy. You do you. This is fine. I mean maybe if you’re a big rebbetzin the considerations might differ. But I’m not, and I’m not trying to be one either. The end.
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amother
Lilac
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 11:17 pm
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So I have the opposite…I don’t really think it’s tznius for me to dress up, but my husband would really like me to join him and the kids in the family theme. I compromised by getting a hat that fits the theme
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 11:49 pm
| amother Silver wrote: | Op I just want to say that I appreciate the tone in which you posted.
Not bashing, or ‘calling out’ anyone that does dress up, just putting out your feelings.
After the hot mess on this site this week, I appreciate it.
(Eta I did not read after page 1) |
Thank you.
I don't know what hot mess you are referring to. ?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 28 2023, 11:54 pm
| Ima_Shelli wrote: | Oh Gosh. Do what makes you feel good. Sometimes I dress up, sometimes I don’t. If my husband ever told me not to get dressed up when I wanted to, let’s just say that would not end well. (He’s not my boss. I’m not his. We don’t tell each other what to do.)
Nothing untznius or undignified about it as long as you’re not wearing I don’t know, a strapless thigh high costume? It’s fine. It’s Purim. Enjoy. You do you. This is fine. I mean maybe if you’re a big rebbetzin the considerations might differ. But I’m not, and I’m not trying to be one either. The end. |
You have your relationship with your husband. And thats great.
But can you understand that many people do want their spouse to reflect a certain image that they are comfortable with? some ppl care about these things much more than others.
In some case it is super important to the wife that the husband dresses up. I know many men who would not, but go along with their wives because this is important to her.
In the case of my friend (who, by the way, is a young wife of a kiruv rabbi, so maybe he feels some sort of responsibility) he obviously is uncomfortable with the idea of exchanging his white shirt for a costume. And he prefers thay she look dignified as well.
I can understand both sides.
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BatZion
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Wed, Mar 01 2023, 6:49 am
I also want to ditto the comment about OP posting in such a lovely way.
I have a dream of dressing up in a victorian-era dress. One day. At home 
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