I wish Chazal weren’t gozer

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 5:31 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Follow along with your finger on the place like a little kid, and you'll be fine.

And yes, either you or your husband should go to hashkama.

What if I have slight adhd and get distracted fast? I can follow along like a baby and suddenly realize I'm a few pages behind.

Them read the megilah again and have the same thing happening.

The Torah wasn't given to malachim.

I was told that the rule of thumb is;

If someone would ask me during megilah what I'm listening to and I would be able to say the last few words that the bal korah just said then that means I was yotze.

As much as I'm distracted I'm still tuned in enough to know what's being read.

It was a big relief for me.

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 7:54 pm

amother cornflower wrote:

Last year I spent an hour googling what happens if someone has a hearing problem Chas v’shalom. I couldn’t find an answer. The answer was - just do your best. Be there unobstructed and just do your best. (My best this year was really good - I went to a women’s only reading and sat next to the Baal koreh).

My husband's psak is he must take out his hearing aids, stand next to baal Koreh, and read along in a kosher megillah.

For shofar he also must take out hearing aids and stand very close to the shofar which is very complicated as seats near the baal Koreh usually go to old shul members and not a guy in his 20's.

We really have to work purim and rosh hashana around where dh can best do these Mitzvos.

amother

Denim

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:27 pm

I go to shul and do my best. I don't stress over if I missed a word. If you know you missed a word, you can say it to yourself. You can only do what you can do.
I went to the 630am megillah reading because it's easier for me to get up earlier than DH, and it made the day run so much smoother.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

I definitely have anxiety for sure. People like to talk about the internal pressures that we put on ourselves (themes, shalach manos, etc.) but the external obligation to hear every word, and then possibly to have to go hear the whole thing AGAIN is an external pressure that is really really difficult, and really really exacerbates my anxiety.

Thank you for your supportive and encouraging post.

Do you also over stress about chafifa and pesach cleaning?
I would recommend learning the halachos with a competent rav
When I learned the actual halachos of chatzitzas for example, I was shocked!!! Women place so much stress on themselves, and our internal guilt monster can be loud and ugly.
Firstly, recognize that that voice is actually the voice of the yetzer hara!!
Secondly, learn the halachos!! Knowledge is power
When you don’t have the answers to fight back to your yetzer hara, he will win every time
Third, nothing wrong with therapy if you find the anxiety or religious OCD taking over your life and affecting your moods

amother

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:48 pm

amother Denim wrote:

Thank you, this is helpful!

amother

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 8:50 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

Yup, I stress over those too, how’d you guess? 🤪

The “hear every word” thing is an external pressure, not an internal one. And that’s what’s hard because it triggers my anxiety and resentment st being held to an impossible standard, when I’m already exhausted and not feeling well and vulnerable.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Mar 07 2023, 9:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know, it’s very very hard!
I’m not sure what you mean by external pressure. Is someone checking to see that you heard every word. (Hearing every word is not the same thing as processing every word!!)

amother

Salmon

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 12:41 am

amother cornflower wrote:

Yep, my husband lains for women, and there's one lady who always sits right up there next to him. She doesn't go to shul because her hearing isn't great, and the only way she can hear properly is to be right there next to my husband. so every year I save that seat for her Smile