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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
Who do you agree with about this situation?
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| Me |
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10% |
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| Dh |
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89% |
[ 172 ] |
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| Total Votes : 192 |
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amother
DarkGreen
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 Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:04 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | Those orgs are specifically there for them and it’s part of their salary. The reason they are doing well is because of these orgs. They would be dirt poor without it. Not the same thing. And if you think it’s better than your salary why not go into chinuch so you can get these benefits too? |
This is really, really not true across the board.
My family members in chinuch/kollel would not be "dirt poor" without it. They would do fine. Like I said, many of them put the money straight into savings, or they sell the gift cards for cash and put the money into savings. And their kids are all dressed to the nines on pesach. Unlike my kids. My ds is busting out of his pants and my dd's dresses are so short they barely cover her behind. But no one is getting anything new for pesach. My in laws live on a very yeshivish block with many families in chinuch. When I am there for yom tov, I am always shocked at how fancy they are all dressed. All the kids matching head to toe with perfect accessories and up to date clothing. So yeah, if they wouldn't get the money and gift cards they would just wear their old clothing like we do and manage just fine. If I want to get my kids new clothing for yom tov I'm told it's a luxury and I shouldn't take tzedaka, but for the chinuch people it's a necessity.
My MIL who is in chinuch was shocked when I told her that dh and I nevet buy meat (except a few marrow bones for the cholent). She makes fancy gourmet meals with tons of diff mains and sides. Meanwhile my pesach is basically chicken soup, and chicken and potatoes in every way shape and form. But she will kvetch endlessly how poor she is. Cry me a river.
My sisters in law from lkwd send me links to donate to kupat yom tov. No way jose. My dh was in kollel for 7 years and no one gave us anything (except for one year when we got some gift cards that I didn't feel comfortable taking). And we managed.
Seriously I just took my kids on purim to their teacher's houses. Gorgeous modern houses that I can only dream of (we rent and probably will never buy). And my landlord is in chinuch too but lives a beautiful lifestyle. I can go on and on with my examples.
My point is that it isn't fair to say that across the board all chinuch/kollel people need it without vetting them. And then give OP a hard time when she probably lives a simpler life than most of the people
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BrachaBatya
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:05 pm
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Your husband is correct. It's for the poor. I am astonished at Ima sometimes.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:07 pm
Oh and to answer your question why I don't work in chinuch. I really should have. As I get older, I realize that the "package deal" for people in chinuch is better than people in other professions.
I have a lot going on in my life now in terms of different challenges, and I don't have the headspace for a career change.
But I hope things settle down eventually and I can focus on switching.
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lamplighter
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:10 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | This is really, really not true across the board.
My family members in chinuch/kollel would not be "dirt poor" without it. They would do fine. Like I said, many of them put the money straight into savings, or they sell the gift cards for cash and put the money into savings. And their kids are all dressed to the nines on pesach. Unlike my kids. My ds is busting out of his pants and my dd's dresses are so short they barely cover her behind. But no one is getting anything new for pesach. My in laws live on a very yeshivish block with many families in chinuch. When I am there for yom tov, I am always shocked at how fancy they are all dressed. All the kids matching head to toe with perfect accessories and up to date clothing. So yeah, if they wouldn't get the money and gift cards they would just wear their old clothing like we do and manage just fine. If I want to get my kids new clothing for yom tov I'm told it's a luxury and I shouldn't take tzedaka, but for the chinuch people it's a necessity.
My MIL who is in chinuch was shocked when I told her that dh and I nevet buy meat (except a few marrow bones for the cholent). She makes fancy gourmet meals with tons of diff mains and sides. Meanwhile my pesach is basically chicken soup, and chicken and potatoes in every way shape and form. But she will kvetch endlessly how poor she is. Cry me a river.
My sisters in law from lkwd send me links to donate to kupat yom tov. No way jose. My dh was in kollel for 7 years and no one gave us anything (except for one year when we got some gift cards that I didn't feel comfortable taking). And we managed.
Seriously I just took my kids on purim to their teacher's houses. Gorgeous modern houses that I can only dream of (we rent and probably will never buy). And my landlord is in chinuch too but lives a beautiful lifestyle. I can go on and on with my examples.
My point is that it isn't fair to say that across the board all chinuch/kollel people need it without vetting them. And then give OP a hard time when she probably lives a simpler life than most of the people |
My understanding is that these gifts and vouchers for people in chinuch is part of their benefits package and /or bonuses. That's how I look at it. It's not because people in chinuch are supposed to be poor.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:18 pm
| lamplighter wrote: | | My understanding is that these gifts and vouchers for people in chinuch is part of their benefits package and /or bonuses. That's how I look at it. It's not because people in chinuch are supposed to be poor. |
That's not the prevailing narrative. The narrative is how they are soooooo poor and soooooo underpaid and their salaries are soooooo low. But what I see in real life just doesn't match that.
And I'm particularly resentful because my child's school charges a $250 fee per family so they can give the rebbeim yom tov bonuses. So I need to pay for the rebbeim to get a bonus. But neither dh nor myself get a pesach bonus. And we don't get chasdei lev or gift cards like the rebbeim. And we don't even get paid vacation over pesach for heavens sake!!! Its such a hard month. And then I see the rebbeim's wives in the fancy clothing and shoe stores when I cannot afford to shop there. And serving gorgeous yom tov meals with salmon and roast.
If you're not judgmental of the people in chinuch and kollel receiving pesach help, then don"t be judgmental of people like OP who want to receive pesach help.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:19 pm
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on the notes in the application it said to describe our situation. I wrote that we are both working but make low income with 2 kids. I didn't lie about anything. It also didn't say on the application that it was only for the needy
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amother
Beige
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:22 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | That's not the prevailing narrative. The narrative is how they are soooooo poor and soooooo underpaid and their salaries are soooooo low. But what I see in real life just doesn't match that.
And I'm particularly resentful because my child's school charges a $250 fee per family so they can give the rebbeim yom tov bonuses. So I need to pay for the rebbeim to get a bonus. But neither dh nor myself get a pesach bonus. And we don't get chasdei lev or gift cards like the rebbeim. And we don't even get paid vacation over pesach for heavens sake!!! Its such a hard month. And then I see the rebbeim's wives in the fancy clothing and shoe stores when I cannot afford to shop there. And serving gorgeous yom tov meals with salmon and roast.
If you're not judgmental of the people in chinuch and kollel receiving pesach help, then don"t be judgmental of people like OP who want to receive pesach help. |
They get gift cards to fancy stores and I know this for a fact. They don’t have money!! They are using the cards for all these things. Your bitterness is misplaced and unfair. Their salaries are a joke. I seriously can’t believe you are jealous.
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amother
Beige
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:23 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | This is really, really not true across the board.
My family members in chinuch/kollel would not be "dirt poor" without it. They would do fine. Like I said, many of them put the money straight into savings, or they sell the gift cards for cash and put the money into savings. And their kids are all dressed to the nines on pesach. Unlike my kids. My ds is busting out of his pants and my dd's dresses are so short they barely cover her behind. But no one is getting anything new for pesach. My in laws live on a very yeshivish block with many families in chinuch. When I am there for yom tov, I am always shocked at how fancy they are all dressed. All the kids matching head to toe with perfect accessories and up to date clothing. So yeah, if they wouldn't get the money and gift cards they would just wear their old clothing like we do and manage just fine. If I want to get my kids new clothing for yom tov I'm told it's a luxury and I shouldn't take tzedaka, but for the chinuch people it's a necessity.
My MIL who is in chinuch was shocked when I told her that dh and I nevet buy meat (except a few marrow bones for the cholent). She makes fancy gourmet meals with tons of diff mains and sides. Meanwhile my pesach is basically chicken soup, and chicken and potatoes in every way shape and form. But she will kvetch endlessly how poor she is. Cry me a river.
My sisters in law from lkwd send me links to donate to kupat yom tov. No way jose. My dh was in kollel for 7 years and no one gave us anything (except for one year when we got some gift cards that I didn't feel comfortable taking). And we managed.
Seriously I just took my kids on purim to their teacher's houses. Gorgeous modern houses that I can only dream of (we rent and probably will never buy). And my landlord is in chinuch too but lives a beautiful lifestyle. I can go on and on with my examples.
My point is that it isn't fair to say that across the board all chinuch/kollel people need it without vetting them. And then give OP a hard time when she probably lives a simpler life than most of the people |
You are obviously clueless about what a chinuch salary is and that the cards are for fancy clothing stores and they get fancy meat. How can you judge so harshly when you don’t even bother to get the facts.
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amother
Rose
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:25 pm
Because the other option was using up all your savings. This doesn't seem like it's OP's situation. She can cover pesach but it's more convenient to take tzedakka....
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giftedmom
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:27 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | This is really, really not true across the board.
My family members in chinuch/kollel would not be "dirt poor" without it. They would do fine. Like I said, many of them put the money straight into savings, or they sell the gift cards for cash and put the money into savings. And their kids are all dressed to the nines on pesach. Unlike my kids. My ds is busting out of his pants and my dd's dresses are so short they barely cover her behind. But no one is getting anything new for pesach. My in laws live on a very yeshivish block with many families in chinuch. When I am there for yom tov, I am always shocked at how fancy they are all dressed. All the kids matching head to toe with perfect accessories and up to date clothing. So yeah, if they wouldn't get the money and gift cards they would just wear their old clothing like we do and manage just fine. If I want to get my kids new clothing for yom tov I'm told it's a luxury and I shouldn't take tzedaka, but for the chinuch people it's a necessity.
My MIL who is in chinuch was shocked when I told her that dh and I nevet buy meat (except a few marrow bones for the cholent). She makes fancy gourmet meals with tons of diff mains and sides. Meanwhile my pesach is basically chicken soup, and chicken and potatoes in every way shape and form. But she will kvetch endlessly how poor she is. Cry me a river.
My sisters in law from lkwd send me links to donate to kupat yom tov. No way jose. My dh was in kollel for 7 years and no one gave us anything (except for one year when we got some gift cards that I didn't feel comfortable taking). And we managed.
Seriously I just took my kids on purim to their teacher's houses. Gorgeous modern houses that I can only dream of (we rent and probably will never buy). And my landlord is in chinuch too but lives a beautiful lifestyle. I can go on and on with my examples.
My point is that it isn't fair to say that across the board all chinuch/kollel people need it without vetting them. And then give OP a hard time when she probably lives a simpler life than most of the people |
Can I get your kids something new for Pesach? Please pm me if you’re comfortable doing so
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:27 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | They get gift cards to fancy stores and I know this for a fact. They don’t have money!! They are using the cards for all these things. Your bitterness is misplaced and unfair. Their salaries are a joke. I seriously can’t believe you are jealous. |
Their salaries are not a joke. I have family members in chinuch in different locations and schools and I know theirsalaries. They live very nice lifestyles and dress their kids well and have nice houses and make gorgeous simchas (when I didn't even attempt to make a kiddush when I had a baby girl because it was beyond our means to do even something simple).
And why do they need to shop in fancy stores? Why is it normal to collect tzedaka so people can shop in fancy stores? I'm sure you would tell OP that she cannot take tzedaka just to shop in fancy stores. I don't shop in fancy stores and I manage. Why is it normal that I have to pay money so the rebbi's wife can shop in a fancy store, when I can't even buy my son a new pair of pants and they are so tight on him that they are nearly ripping?
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amother
Rose
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:28 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | They get gift cards to fancy stores and I know this for a fact. They don’t have money!! They are using the cards for all these things. Your bitterness is misplaced and unfair. Their salaries are a joke. I seriously can’t believe you are jealous. |
This is not true. So many people in "chinuch" are very well off with fancy houses and they just take advantage of the system. Their salaries are absolutely not a joke. The community caters to people in chinuch and automatically assume they're poor, while many struggling people aren't eligible for help because they're not in chinuch.
The system is very corrupt.
Many Chinuch and kollel people are not living a torah lifestyle. They're living a lifestyle full of gashmyus and latest trends.
Organizations should vet families, even chinuch and kollel families.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:30 pm
| amother Beige wrote: | | You are obviously clueless about what a chinuch salary is and that the cards are for fancy clothing stores and they get fancy meat. How can you judge so harshly when you don’t even bother to get the facts. |
I know the facts very well. I have family members in chinuch in both mine and dh's family. I know what they make, I know where they get gift cards to, I know how much they get as a pesach bonus.
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amother
DarkGreen
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:32 pm
| giftedmom wrote: | | Can I get your kids something new for Pesach? Please pm me if you’re comfortable doing so |
This is so, so kind of you to offer. I am going to apply to the flatbush fund like OP is. I hope I get approved. I don't know how much they give, the first priority is matzah and food and I hope there will be a bit leftover to get ds some new pants and white shirts.
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amother
Marigold
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:35 pm
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The rebbeim in my son’s school make under 50k. Their wives dress beyond simply in clothing and sheitels that are far from new or trendy. They live in small, old non fancy homes. Their cars are mostly simple, some are extremely old. They come to school each day with devotion and imbue my kids worth Ahavas Torah. I’m thrilled for them to get any bonuses or discounts they can, if that enables them to continue teaching. They are tzadikim.
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amother
Stonewash
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:35 pm
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For those saying that those in chinuch make tons of money: how much do you think they make and where do they live?? I want to move there lol.
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giftedmom
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:36 pm
| amother DarkGreen wrote: | | This is so, so kind of you to offer. I am going to apply to the flatbush fund like OP is. I hope I get approved. I don't know how much they give, the first priority is matzah and food and I hope there will be a bit leftover to get ds some new pants and white shirts. |
My offer stands. You can think it over. Your kids should be in nice well-fitting clothes for YT.
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amother
Azure
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 4:54 pm
| lamplighter wrote: | | My understanding is that these gifts and vouchers for people in chinuch is part of their benefits package and /or bonuses. That's how I look at it. It's not because people in chinuch are supposed to be poor. |
That's how I look at it too.
No halacha that you need to be poor in chinuch or "make less than I do".
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amother
Cadetblue
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 5:01 pm
| amother Azure wrote: | That's how I look at it too.
No halacha that you need to be poor in chinuch or "make less than I do". |
Then the schools and orgs need to make that clear.
I just got a letter from my school "we are collecting $250 per family so the Rebbeim can buy matza and other tzarchei Yom Tov.".
If the Rebbeim are "poor" then I can use maaser money. If not, not.
I think I deserve that the school is upfront that this is a bonus and not actually the basic matza and grape juice.
Remember this letter came out a week after we got a letter encouraging each parent to "show hakaras hatov and give generously on Purim".
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amother
Rose
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Thu, Mar 09 2023, 5:05 pm
| amother Azure wrote: | That's how I look at it too.
No halacha that you need to be poor in chinuch or "make less than I do". |
Right; so organizations and help erev yom tov, has to be available for everyone and people in chinuch should be vetted instead of automatically receiving all help.
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