Am I being cheap/unreasonable?

SuperWify

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:10 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

Thank you!!!
Never heard about toetallysale.com
just ordered my baby a gorgeous romper for $12 and an adorable stretchie for $10!!
hate to say it but it looks just as cute as what they're selling in the stores this season (I got him a romper from this season that is the same exact style but it was more than quadruple the price!!)
and the brands are great!! can't compare ali quality to these brands...(though I ordered Ali also..)

Yes, it’s just past season stuff. So happy you found!

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 6:28 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Sure. For my older one:
Shabbos-
2 sweaters from last years summer sale at $20 each (org prob over $50)
Sale shorts black $10, cream $15, taupe $15
One set (sweater and shirts) $65 last year sale was org over $135
Little legs top $30

Weekday-
6 new tops/sets between $6-$30 a lot of Ali express, 1 new season local shop, others sale sections
Pants still fit from last season. All from H&M.

Amazon Shabbos loafers $30

Sneakers H&M $15

Natives still fit

Shabbos PJS:
sale section la di da $20
One new season set $30
Ali express set $25

Basics I buy online it’s much cheaper then the frum stores

A little over $300

My younger one needed more weekday so it was I’d say more like $500

Would you be willing to link the Amazon loafers? I need for my son and I can’t find in his size in the local sales.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:47 pm

Reality wrote:

True, which is why I cautioned she should watch the tendency. Nobody needs a designer sweater even if it will last for 10 years. There are less expensive, still high quality sweaters that will also last 10 years.

I've met a lot of people over the years. Most Mom's who are willing to spend on themselves, spend lavishly on their kids. It's much more common for Mom's to have a hard time spending on themselves yet no problem spending on their kids.

Extreme case: I knew a woman who dressed in only the best clothes, only name brand makeup and perfume etc. Yet she constantly complained how expensive diapers for her baby was. She bought the cheapest, most paper-like diapers for her baby because it was such a waste of money. Really now? I'm sure she bought the most expensive underwear for herself. There's just something a little off about a Mom who happily spends on herself but can't fargin for her child.

You are correct. I can think of three people off the top of my head that dress themselves beautifully and dress their kids in ugly , shleppy clothing . I don’t have any official diagnosis but in my dealings with them they most certainly have personality disorders and are horrible mothers . (Not saying this is op. Just what I’ve observed .)

amother

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:57 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I think you are being pretty extreme. I don’t spend a lot on my clothing, which is why I shop outlets or sites like TheRealReal. I like nice things so I wouldn’t let my kid look shlumpy. I just don’t think 50.00 for a sweater or 70.00 (prices of cheaper Jewish stores) for a romper is a normal price to pay for a one year old. I hope you are not insinuating that I have a personality disorder or I am a horrible mother. I just want to be responsible about my finances so I can give my family things in the future (like a house, sleepaway camp, braces etc).m

I want to add that I don’t think a grown woman spending 250.00 on a low tier designer dress (think Ulla Johnson, Sandro) that I’ll wear for a few seasons is the same as spending on a one year old who is crawling around and getting dirty at mealtimes. I think people are misconstruing my comment about shopping designing items. I don’t buy real designers like Chanel or Gucci. That is way out of my budget and I am honestly not interested in that type of lifestyle. I just look for good deals for lower designers because I appreciate a lot of the clothing. I gave this background because I wanted people to understand where I am coming from- I am not someone who shops in Walmart and Target for myself- of course someone like that would be horrified at the children’s clothing prices…

amother

Tanzanite

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 8:35 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

I have someone in my neighborhood like this too. Wears high end designer, makes a ton of money and shops for her high school age kids in serendipity.
It’s bad middos.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 8:48 am

amother OP wrote:

So you have no issue spending 250 on a dress but a $50 sweater is a problem? You realize that labor needs to be paid for. Think of how much the workers would need to be paid for it to cost less than that. The wages are already quite low.

amother

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 8:51 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

Yes, a 50 dollar sweater for a one year old sounds problematic to me. A 250 dollar dress for a grown woman does not. It seems like you don’t agree with me, and that’s okay. We are starting to go around in circles here.

amother

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 9:03 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

I have someone in my neighborhood like this too. Wears high end designer, makes a ton of money and shops for her high school age kids in serendipity.
It’s bad middos.

You are bringing extreme examples. Obviously I am not buying high end things for myself and thrifting for my child.
Also, let’s not fool ourselves. It is not exactly good middos to spend extravagantly on your children, especially when you can’t really afford it.

Also, when does all of this end? If a woman invests in a pair of 300.00 Stuart Weitzman boots for herself, knowing they will last her a few years, does that mean she should buy her baby expensive boots as well? If a woman buys herself a nice set of jewelery, then do her kids all need 14k gold earrings, bracelets and necklaces to match?

I think there is a balance and a woman can buy herself nice things that don’t break the bank with the understanding that adult clothing has more usage and thus should be higher quality than children’s clothing. An adult is also more responsible and can care for nice things far better than a child. I am surprised that I need to spell this out for you.

scruffy

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 9:15 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

I doubt that the workers making the $50 baby sweater were getting paid a fair wage.

mikayla18

Wed, Mar 29 2023, 10:23 am

It obviously makes sense to spend more on your clothing than your babies. I'm not sure what everyone is arguing about. I have some expensive pieces of clothing and shoes and I wouldn't spend that much on my kids. My kids are babies! They spill cereal and food on their clothing. They play outside, they also only wear their clothing for 1 season and then it's garbage. The things I have will hopefully last 20+ years! I'm a bad mother because I take (absolutely beautiful and practically new) clothing from my sister's kids in addition to what I buy for my kids each season because I buy only new things for myself? I completely disagree and think it's wasteful to buy my kids a whole new wardrobe every 6 months when they have beautiful things from their cousins and I don't have to throw money out the window. And I don't even care if you think I'm a bad mother cuz I'm NOT.

The op is buying her kids new clothing but because she splurged on herself you're making assumptions about her? 5 year olds dont need to wear $70 sweaters. This is how kids become entitled.