Do you wake up or sleep in?

amother

NeonGreen

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:15 am

I try to be up with my kids, but I don't necessarily wake up early on Shabbos without an alarm. At home I sleep in and my kids are up by themselves without any problems. So I do try, but I'm a deep sleeperband I don't necessarily always get up as soon as my kid are up. Overall, I may not always be up with my kids, but we're usually up before the rest of the household and I try to keep the kids quiet so they don't disturb anyone. Rarely my kids are up along with the rest of the household before my but it's not intentional.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:36 am

amother IndianRed wrote:

I remember being a guest along with BIL’s family at a mutual relative. I got up early with my toddler and was feeding him breakfast when BIL cones out with 3 kids (ages 5, 3, under 1) and then just disappeared back into their bedroom and SIL is nowhere to be seen. I was also newly pregnant and was feeling awful. I was so mad .

Im not as nice as you- I would just tell them “please go call your mommy or daddy”. I’ve done that.

When we are by my parents my Sil will send up her kid with my brother since she’s about a year. If she’s just joining us and I don’t mind (rarely, I have 3 under 4 bh myself out of routine) I try to make it work. As soon as she’s cranky I just send her right back- go wake up mommy.

(Sil actually sent her back once or twice saying “mommy said I should take cereal”- I told her “go tell mommy there’s no one to give me cereal I need you to help me”).

Some people are just rude but I think my Sil is a deep sleeper and definitely is very appreciative when I do let her kid join us (often!). When I can’t I very much make it clear.

I’ve also had one of my kids leave our area and go wandering at 5 am, wake up my parents lol. Clearly out of my control. They gave her a kiss and sent her down.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:37 am

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Why don’t you tell your kids- please wake me up before leaving the room? Or play with x and when u need breakfast make sure I’m up? Or ur husband if he’s up before you?

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 9:20 am

amother Nemesia wrote:

Why don’t you tell your kids- please wake me up before leaving the room? Or play with x and when u need breakfast make sure I’m up? Or ur husband if he’s up before you?

They are not used to it and probably will not remember.

DH wakes up extremely early, before the kids, and likes to go to shul right away.

I will sometimes think to ask my host to have the kids wake me up if I am still sleeping.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 9:58 am

amother OP wrote:

When you are a guest at someone else's house, do you sleep in while your children are awake or do you (or your DH) get up with your kids?

I'm curious what the norm is. My husband and I always make sure one of us is awake and around once kids are up in someone else's home. It's no one's responsibility (not even our parents) to supervise our kids.

My neighbor hosts quite a bit and she told me she is exhausted because of this behavior. Her guests, relatives or others sleep in shabbos morning and she is up with their kids. It doesn't happen every time she hosts but often enough that she asked me if this is normal and if so she just needs to limit her hosting more because it is too much for her.

It depends. If I'm at my parents, my parents are ok with watching them. If I'm at one sister's home, she always gets up early, and is ok with watching my kids. At another sisters, we both sleep in and the kids play nearby. The men prep breakfast for the kids, and help them get dressed before they leave for shul. The kids do wake us as needed, but we help them from our beds (obviously there are no babies in this scenario). I will add that this is never assumed & always discussed on Friday night before we turn in, so that everyone is on board to whatever is decided.

But this is only for family. If I'm being hosted anywhere else, then the kids are fully my responsibility. I prepare toys for them, and some minor snacks (if it's ok to eat in my space), so that they can entertain themselves for bit and I can sleep a bit longer, but that's it. Once they lose interest in the toys or are hungry, then it's out of bed for me.

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 10:32 am

I agree that sometimes kids will wake up and the parents sleep through it without planning to. As a host, I would definitely have the kid get their parent, and as a parent to let the host know to have them get me if it happens.

Note for hosts, particularly moms and MILs- my experience is that if your kids have been over and you have said "You guys sleep in, we'll watch them" at any point other than when they had a very newborn, this will often be assumed as a given from then on unless you say otherwise. It'd good to communicate each time.

amother

Daisy

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 10:56 am

amother Butterscotch wrote:

I don’t agree. When I’m at my parents I ask the night before. Usually I’m up anyways ( and I end up watching nieces and nephews also)
Many times my mother will send me back to sleep
I will never take a nap without making sure someone is up. My single sister will often insist on us taking a nap, but I won’t go without making sure she’s really ok with that
To be clear, I do have little kids, but I also have older kids, ages 6, 8, and 10 who don’t really take energy to watch and can help with the little ones

amother

SandyBrown

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:03 pm

At our parents only (both sets), because I know they are ok with it, kids aged 6 and over (we have up to age 10) get up themselves, we keep sleeping. For babies/toddlers etc up to 6, one of us always gets up with them. Sometimes my parents ask us to get up with an older kid anyway because they want to sleep in and then one of us gets up so they can sleep.

At anyone else's house, including siblings, friends, etc., one of us gets up with any of our kids regardless of the kids age. I would never expect someone to just watch my kids.

At my parents in law, different sisters in law and brothers in law have different philosophies on this. One bil in particular always has his kids, from babies up to teenagers, up without them. In the mornings and also when bil and sil nap in the afternoons. And their kids are not easy and then I (or some other bil/sil) has to watch them. I've tried not watching them, but they end up doing things that are dangerous inside or they run off alone outside, and I just can't let them. But I really don't like that I have to be responsible for up to 5 more kids along with my own, especially as no one asked me if I am available for that. Or that they get to sleep and I have to stay up, even if my own kids are sleeping and there is no reason for me to be up except the bil/sil went up to nap before I did. Sometimes when sils or bils ask me to watch their kids, I don't mind, especially if they are likely to play nicely with my kids and they entertain each other, or just to hold a small baby until they cry and I can return them, or kids who are older and fairly self sufficient and just need a responsible adult awake in the vicinity. But if I am not feelign well, or want to rest, or think my kids will need my attention, or if I want to go out, I don't want to automatically be stuck with a bunch of difficult kids that aren't mine.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:32 pm

giftedmom wrote:

If my kids wake up without me at home, then I don’t see why someone else’s house is different. With toddlers, if I’m at the in-laws, I know MIL wakes up early and she always offers to watch them.

Because
A. They are not in their home/regular environment and will likely need more assistance
B. When they need assistance someone ELSE might be asked by said children to help when at home they'll ask you
Or other adult feels "stuck" taking care of them without being asked

amother

Babypink

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 1:03 pm

I feel guilty asking hostess to watch ds who has asd for 2 minutes so I could use the bathroom while the men are in shul. When I go away for Shabbos, ds must sleep in my room even if it means dh sharing with other kids. If the door doesn't lock, ds sleeps in my bed so I can feel the second he wakes up. At home, he can roam unsupervised since I know my house is ds proof. I can't vouch for anyone else's house.