Is it daycare or developmental?

amother

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 3:50 pm

My 1.5 year old started daycare after being at home since birth. Ever since starting daycare, she has started to lash out at home - she says things like “mine!” and “no!”, she used to share toys and food with adults and children alike and now refuses too. She gets upset easily. She also started tantrums for the first time - planting her face onto the floor when she doesn’t get what she wants.

Is this what magically happens when a child turns 18 months or so or could it be caused by daycare and exposure to other children’s tantrums, bad behavior, etc.

Particularly curious if there are any child psychologists or child development experts on here willing to offer their thoughts :-)

amother

Maroon

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:05 pm

Definitely daycare.

And not just exposure to other kids' tantrums, but the fact that daycare places her under an enormous amount of stress that A she is not used to and B she is not equipped to handle (no child is at that age), so she starts lashing out. It's a sign of distress and she's asking for help.

She can't share because she's been forced to share, she needs to protect herself/her rights which aren't being respected or honored while at daycare. She gets upset easily - because her emotional needs aren't being met so she's "running on empty" more often and doesn't have the reserves necessary to move on and calm/redirect herself. Plants her face to the floor - easy way to remove excess stimulation, you don't see people when your face is on the floor, and also you bring the focus to yourself to hopefully fill some of what you need and aren't getting.

amother

Azure

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:06 pm

I would say it’s pretty normal for This age, but also, it’s not that daycare has exposed her to other kids who themselves tantrum or don’t share, it’s that daycare has sort of forced her to share. By definition everything at the daycare belongs to All and so she may be having a hard time with that.

(I’m a huge daycare fan. )

tichellady

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:11 pm

Probably both. Tantrums start around then for my kids who aren’t in daycare but daycare may be exacerbating it. If you feel good about the daycare I wouldn’t worry. I find 18 months- 2 to be pretty challenging and neither of my kids were in daycare then

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:32 pm

It's both. The Terrible Twos often start around 18 months, not unusual regardless of the childcare situation. But yes, she is probably also picking up some behaviors from daycare.

amother

Apricot

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:34 pm

Daycare 100%. Is he in a good daycare? Is it possible to have a nanny share or babysitter in your house? Daycare isn’t the best thing for babies:(

amother

Apricot

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:36 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

This. On point.

amother

Daisy

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 4:39 pm

Not daycare at all
Mine was in daycare and expressed none of this at 15 months old
I have her home since, and at 20 months she started similar behavior to what you are describing
She has no siblings yet

I believe its a stage

amother

NeonBlue

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 5:00 pm

Mine just turned 18 months and started having tantrums multiple times a day when he doesn’t get what he wants. Never been to day care and no younger siblings yet. He also started hitting me when I take something away from him and he definitely hasn’t been taught to hit by anyone.
From experience working as a babysitter I think it’s a development stage probably when they can’t express frustration verbally yet.
Daycare isn’t for everyone but my guess is that it’s not the cause for the behaviour you’re describing, more like classic toddler Laugh

amother

Natural

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 5:20 pm

I have an 18 month old and she started tantruming and screaming "no!" over the summer. She has been home with me.
I think its the start of terrible twos

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Aug 24 2023, 7:27 pm

I teach toddlers and its totally age appropriate to tantrum, hit... they sometimes do these things because they cant express their feelings yet so they manifest it by biting a kid, pulling childs hair...