S/O POLL little kids at simchas other than weddings

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 6:56 am

I voted yes, although we do have a small extended family and only my oldest is married of all the cousins. I may change my mind in a decade when IYH there are more little kids. For sheva brachos, it really does depend on the venue, timing, etc. It is great when someone has or rents a big enough space for everyone, but that is totally not expected and the grown ups understand and get babysitters if the kids are not invited. In my family, no one gets insulted by this. It's also nice for the adults to have a night out once in a while without having to chase after their overtired and overstimulated kids the whole time!

keym

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 6:57 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't think a Bar Mitzvah is a little kids party. It's a teen party. Little kids are noisy and there are speeches at a Bar Mitzvah & there needs to be quiet. So it makes sense to only invite older kids to a Bar Mitzvah.
OTOH, an upsherin is definitely a kids party.

It's also about the cost and level of formality.

My Upsherins are cake and ice cream. So bring your kids.

My bar mitzvah kiddushim is platters of cake and kugel. Plenty to go around.

The sit down meal for the bo bayom is more complicated. I paid around $20 per seat. There's a hundred person minimum so I invited some cousins children (my kids second cousin) because we had the space.
I told my cousin that they can bring their 11 13 year old sons to my bar mitzvah (because they're friendly) because I had the space. If she brought her 9,7, and 5 year olds also, that's an extra $60 at least that I didn't budget for.

My husband and I both have large families with lots of siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins. We have to draw a line somewhere because I physically can't afford to pay.

Weddings, my kids are frequently invited for kabalas panim and chuppa for extended family weddings. They can stay to dance, but it's my responsibility to make sure that they don't take chairs, get seats or cause the baalei Simcha to have to pay

amother

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 7:01 am

keym wrote:

$20 a seat? Where is this??? In my community, standard caterers charge $80-$100 per couple! And this is a simple, non upgraded meal.

amother

Green

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 7:07 am

My family is knh very big and each of my aunt and uncles do their own thing depending on the circumstances. Bar Mitzvahs usually everyone is invited including first cousin's kids but there aren't so many of those yet, that'll probably change soon. Shabbos sheva brachos usually only single cousins are invited (besides married close cousins) but there is a whole other side to host then.

It's also easy that a few of us live far so for example my mother might invite all the families and only 5 might come (with all kids) so its not a lot.

keym

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 7:12 am

amother OP wrote:

$20 a seat? Where is this??? In my community, standard caterers charge $80-$100 per couple! And this is a simple, non upgraded meal.

In Lakewood, when I made a bar mitzvah (2-4 years ago) the bare bones package was $2300 (plus taxes) for 100 people.
And then additional kids meals (salad, chicken nuggets and french fries) went for $19.99/child.

Probably the prices went up since then, but 2 years ago it was possible in the very cheapest places

Amelia Bedelia

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 7:44 am

keym wrote:

I'm not talking about cousin's kids! My cousins are not invited to the sit-down meal. That would be financially impossible kah with large families on both side. I mean the first cousins of the bar mitzvah boy- my siblings' kids.

amother

White

Tue, Aug 29 2023, 8:24 am

Yes to closer family kids, no to extended. All my first cousins are married. I do not invite their kids as my simchas would be too big. I definitely invited my nieces, nephew and even the great nieces and nephews to my simchas.