Unsolicited opinions from fellow shoppers

Tzutzie

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:30 am

Cheiny wrote:

What exactly did this woman say? Was she insulting? It’s hard to understand from your post what her comments were like.

It doesn't really matter. Teens are self conscious enough. Even neutral comments can be hard for them.
Teens are notoriously difficult to shop with/for. Just close your mouth and smile. Or look away. Or whatever. Keep your comments to yourself.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:32 am

I love unsolicited opinions because it gives me another perspective. If someone makes a negative comment (but said nicely) on what I am trying (and they have)- it gives me pause and some times (ok, rarely) I will realize there’s some truth and reevaluate and other times (ok, most), I ignore them. Sometimes other shoppers see things we don’t or are blinded to. Yes, it’s unsolicited, and you may consider it rude, but most people are just trying to be helpful. Take it in the spirit that it was said. Especially with teens, if a stranger sees something you don’t, you might just want to take another look. Or not. But the fact is, your teen will be wearing what you buy in front of way more people than the other shoppers, so before she commits, that’s the time for evaluation. Shopping with teens is hard!! I hope you had a successful trip and that your daughter feels beautiful.

Tzutzie

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:42 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

I hope people don't go about commenting to random strangers how they look in their clothing.
Adults are so different than teens.

fig

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:52 am

I have been in stores where people try on things that look terrible in them. They ask the salespeople their opinion. If the salesperson says it’s stunning. I give my honest opinion when the salesperson not looking. Is that ok?🤔

amother

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:54 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

So this PSA is for people who don’t notice that it’s not helpful. Please take it to heart and don’t comment unless asked.

amother

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 11:56 am

Tzutzie wrote:

Exactly. She was just asking why don’t you take the longer one? Or smaller one? Why did you even try this... stupid pointless unhelpful comments that I don’t even remember now but was so annoying. She was like a self appointed personal shopper whom I never consulted for advice!

amother

DarkOrange

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 12:29 pm

I’m the last one to comment on someone else and am so self-conscious when the mirror is outside the dressing room and I have to look at myself outside the dressing room.

However I would say that a nice encouraging comment can go a long way making someone feel better about themselves. I once went to a store where they are very into helping the customer pick out clothing. So there is no mirror in the dressing room and I was forced to come out. I was so self conscious but the other customer standing there was like “wow that looks amazzzzzing on you”… it was honestly what I needed to hear. I gained a lot of weight over the last few years and it’s so hard to see myself in larger clothing. So her comment really made me feel good.

Not saying anyone should be commenting. I’d hate to think ppl are looking at me while looking in the mirror. But this particular store it was a given that everyone was looking … hard to explain.

oneofakind

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 12:39 pm

I didn't say anything but a mother was arguing with a teen, wanting her to buy a dress that accentuated her worst physical feature. The lady herself was well dressed and slimmer but wanted this dress over the other one that looked so so much better. I think the teen got her way at the end but if they would've asked for a second opinion, it would've been so much easier on both of them.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 12:57 pm

so sorry for your experience...
I tend to gain and lose weight and sometimes am too skinny.
It is far from comfortable when people announce (usually, in a loud voice) how skinny I am.

amother

Buttercup

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:30 pm

I used to get comments all the time as a teen and I really didn't appreciate it.
People thought they can comment on my small size because hey - it's a COMPLIMENT. Guess what: Nobody likes when you talk about their body, no matter what size they are.

Salesgirls would say, "you look like a model". Or when I asked for a smaller size, they would laugh that they don't make a smaller size. And then people around would comment about how thin I was. I always felt like I was made into this public spectacle every time I walked into the dressing room.

My mother hated it and would totally snob them all out. I don't blame her - I would become equally protective if people were making unsolicited comments at my daughter.

People seriously think they can say whatever they want to a thin person. And we're not even talking about the amount of times people told me I was anorexic. Banging head

PS: I don't really struggle with this issue anymore LOL

Shopping has BH become ordinary and boring and comment-less.

amf

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:35 pm

BH I've never experienced anything negative, but have gotten compliments (always very! neutral) along the lines of "wow that dress/top/skirt looks great on you" etc
I do appreciate it, especially when I'm shopping alone and am undecided
Therefore I do try to pay it forward- I've told a couple women or teens who looked unsure about an item (when it looked nice in them) that they look great
They always seemed appreciative, and many times we'd go on to have a nice little convo (do you think it works for my brother's aufruf, etc)
Made the shopping experience so much nicer!

Flip Flops

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 2:37 pm

I would never offer my opinion, however, if I see someone decided to buy something, I would totally compliment them and tell them it is beautiful.
I don't think there is any harm in offering a compliment on something they are going to buy. They walk out feeling better about their purchase.

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Sep 20 2023, 12:31 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

I never comment to anyone.

Except... when I was a kallah and I was on a totally different planet. I went to a gown Gemach and another kallah was there too. She tried on this unique gorgeous gown with an elaborate cummerbund and it looked like it was made for her. I told her so. Then she tried on (at the Gemach director's insistence) the new wraparound gown style they had recently gotten in. She looked pretty in it, but the other one looked much more "her." (I never met her before.) And again I told her so... I remember her mother's eyebrows raising at my comments.

If you are here, dear kallah who must be married almost 20 years now, I hope you got that first gown! It looked gorgeous on you! And please be mochel me for not keeping my mouth shut.

When expressing a preference between two things, it's up to you whether to express it as positive feedback or negative, regardless of which one you mean.