17 year old just wants to learn in sukka wwyd

Elfrida

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 8:23 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I will hopefully ask my Rabbi abt apple picking. It's a fun activity and not a job so maybe there are different views Smile

As I said, some permit it לצורך החג, while others only permit it in the case of major financial loss. That's a very brief summary, and there are sure to be other views.

However, I don't think 'fun' is a particularly strong argument. There are a lot of other things that are fun, but are also melacha and we avoid or minimise them during Chol haMoed.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 8:25 am

Only you OP, as the mother, can know where this is coming from.
If you are worried that this might not be coming from a healthy place then go right ahead and explain to him that him joining you at times with the family is important to you.
Help him help you find an activity that will be nice for him too.
I grew up with many brothers in a kollel family, all of my brothers loved learning and staying 'in the succha' but they also had other sides to their personalities.
One is very musical and gave the family a private simchas bais hashoeva in the succah every night.
One loves hiking and has a sick sense of direction and would take us on at least one hike on chol hamoed.
The only one who had no other interests and was a 'world class masmid' and never joined the family for anything, is really not ok today as an adult.
My DH loves to say about these kind of guys 'either they are the worlds next gadol or they are heading towards a breakdown' the stakes are too high here to get it wrong.

amother

Azure

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 8:54 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

A 14 year old I would insist join us, not a 17 yo. At 17, my husband, myself, and my oldest were done with high school. My next 2 iyh will be as well. They're responsible for their own spending of time. I would explain my point of view how much it would mean to me that we spend time together as a family, but leave it up to my kid. I wouldn't worry about this individual decision causing burn out at 17, it's not being done by peer pressure when in the privacy of the home (sukkah).

Ashrayich!

This

amother

NeonOrange

Fri, Oct 06 2023, 2:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Let him sit in the sukka all chol hamoed and learn or force him to come with us - I offered apple picking, park, ice cream (he wont go anywhere like amusement parks)

Please only answer if you have a son like this that loves to learn.

Four sons just like that. All married today (two in chinuch and two are professionals) and they all are still makpid to set aside hours a day for learning. it is ok..... have nachas.