If you could go back in time.. What would you tell yourself?

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 11:18 am

Alwaysmiling wrote:

Thanks!
I also switched to less toxic detergents etc after reading a health article. At this point I really miss those yummy scents and im slowly dropping one by one.
Can you share what happened in the long run in direct result of those detergents, shampoos?

I don't want to derail this thread because my comment was really just a small afterthought and the OPs question has so many profound and transformational responses.
My baby's dry skin disappeared, my kids never had night time coughs since, they only have a cough or congestion if they're actually sick, not just randomly and my very active toddler started sleeping better.
I'm really not a crunchy type of person, I didn't even switch to crazy products, just clean-ish like Method and seventh generation.

But again to actually answer OPs question, this is a tiny little technical thing I wish I knew.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 1:19 pm

This too shall pass. Every phase is just a phase. She won't be colicky forever, he won't take an hour to put to sleep for the rest of his life ...
I got so caught up and frustrated in the difficult phases and therefore no patience to deal with anything.
That's really the biggest difference I see between young mums and the seasoned ones.

amother

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 2:02 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Kudos for sharing - I’m sure it helped a few moms who are thinking of switching. I’m also very pro removing synthetic chemicals and fragrances because I feel it messes up my hormones/is carcinogenic (I also feel nausea from them). I don’t consider myself “crunchy” either, just health conscious.
Wishing good health for all! It’s no less important of a “tip”.

thinkpositive

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 2:02 pm

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Put your phone away in time before the kids get home. Your kids need you now.

Don't ask kids hundreds of questions about their day, their friends, their life. Start shmoozing and it'll usually all come out when they are relaxed and ready to share.

Spoil your kids with love, hugs, notes, your time, your attention. None of that will make them spoilt. It'll make them feel loved.

A happy mom is a happy home.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 2:24 pm

Here are some of my suggestions for young parents:

1. Give lots of love, warmth, and affection.
2. You don't have to hear everything and see everything. Sometimes it's good to pretend you didn't hear and see something your child did. Some things can and should be ignored. Pick your battles wisely.
3. Trust your instincts. If everyone is telling you that your baby should be sleeping through the night and just let him cry, trust your own instincts. If something doesn't sit right with you, don't go ahead with it. These are your children, they were entrusted to YOU do care for them in the best way possible.
4. Don't stress about long term outcomes. So many issues that seem huge and insurmountable end up becoming non issues when the child gets older. Of course do what needs to be done, but focus on the here and now, not stressing about What Ifs.
5. Relationships first. Younger parents tend to react more strongly to infractions such as aggression, lying, stealing, chutzpah, etc. Of course the issues need to be addressed, but not in a way that sabotages the relationship. If you want better long term outcomes, preserve the relationship.
6. Listen to your child. Let them express themselves and their feelings. Even if you don't agree with every opinion they express, let them be heard.
7. Keep your marriage alive!! It's so hard to find time to even say two sentences to each other, but it is so so crucial to not just become co-parents running the home together. It's so important to spend time together and keep the marriage strong. Some couples don't do this and they find that when all the kids are grown, they don't actually have a relationship. Don't let that happen to you! Even if you have to be creative to fit it in, go out together, spend time as a couple when you don't discuss the kids but just have fun together.
8. Set a fun and positive atmosphere in the home!

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 2:28 pm

Adding one more detail that maybe doesn't agree with some of the others here.

Sometimes it's worth short-term discomfort for long-term gain. That's true with sleep training (assuming that it works relatively quickly, if it doesn't, please see my previous post). It's true with introducing a new chore, or a new routine, or saying no to something that you can predict will happen every day and you're not okay with that. Any change will be hard in the beginning and it's easy to be afraid of it, or to get intimidated by your own child (yes, really) and decide it's not worth the tears and tantrums. But often, if you stick with it for a couple of times, it means weeks or months or years of an easy routine that makes things run more smoothly. Or of more sleep.

amother

Whitewash

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 12:26 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Oh my goodness so many things.
Take care of yourself, you aren't a better mother when you don't put your needs first.
Just do your thing, you are exactly the mother your kids need, don't compare yourself.

A little thing, I wish I switched to less toxic detergents, cleaning supplies and shampoos earlier, would have saved me so much aggravation

Mind sharing which cleaning products and shampoo you use? I'd love to switch but don't have patience to do the research. (Laundry detergent I use 9 elements - smells good and actually WORKS)

amother

Green

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 11:57 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Not to derail, but to your point: I started with 7th generation, scent free, clear products. Was given some travel size tide packs and tried them on vacation. My boys had very bad rashes. The difference wasn’t huge so why not. Turns out it was the right thing. I just never understood why plates you eat off should be scented.. ich.

—-also non crunchy ima.