I am a teacher and not one student brought me a letter

amother

Brown

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 3:26 am

amother Mustard wrote:

I used to work in a school. I noticed that some kids came from a family of money. They had a different mentality them the poor students. They used money to get around in life, very into gifting and saying thank you. It was more a protocol expectation. They always praised the teacher. The spoke very diplomatically. To me it was so fake. Obviously not every family was like this but many in that class was
Everyone is different but some of the poor students were more genuine. Maybe I wouldn't get a chanukah note because they were afraid I wouldn't value their $5 or note. But if I met them in the street and they thanked me I knew it was because they genuinely appreciated all the work I put into their kid.

This is so interesting. I worked in a day camp and it was the very rich who didn't tip at all. Maybe because day camp tipping was at the end of the summer so it no longer benefited them if the tip was just a thank you.

amother

Skyblue

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 4:16 am

It's very sad if a person expects appreciation.
Appreciation is on the appreciator not on the person being appreciated.
Even being upset that no one wrote you a note is a bit bizarre IMO.
I would be really upset if my child's teacher considered me lacking manners because she expected a card that I hadn't known she expected. I would find it just as hard to write a "duty note" - a note of appreciation that I was forced to write.

Unless teachers see it as a measure of their ability? like the teacher with the most cards is doing the best job?

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 10:14 am

amother Skyblue wrote:

Yep, appreciation is on the appreciator, very nice. Would you be fine if your husband, for example, never expressed appreciation for all your hard work, cuz hey, you're just doing your job? Maybe I'm just not on a high enough madreiga but I would feel hurt and upset if mine never expressed appreciation to me. I don't know why there's a special focus on teachers here, I think all of us across society should be taking the time to express appreciation to anyone who puts in hard work on our behalf.

amother

Holly

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 10:20 am

Cheiny wrote:

]

Oh I understood quite well, as I’m sure everyone else here did, and now you’re trying to pull the same type of walkback we saw the university presidents doing today.

Wow. edited
Completely uncalled for and completely untrue. But feel free to understand my post as you want to. It really doesn’t affect me

Cheiny

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 10:27 am

amother Electricblue wrote:

First, I’m all for appreciation but I’m absolutely against demanding it.

Your example of the husband-wife relationship is very different and irrelevant to the teacher-parent relationship.

I do agree that sending a note to a teacher whom you see is good at her job and cares about your child is very thoughtful and nice. But should teachers expect that, and more so, a gift? No I don’t think so. You can’t demand gratitude, and IMHO demanding it makes you somewhat undeserving of getting it in this context. It’s decrying one middah you see as unacceptable, by matching it with your own bad middah of demanding gifts or recognition.

Hashem is the ultimate rewarder of good, to teachers who do the right thing as well. If a parent isn’t thanking you to your satisfaction it’s coming from Hashem that you shouldn’t have it right now.

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 11:49 am

abound wrote:

To be clear- your sister is an exception. If her school finds out she will be roasted.

Make that, the entire staff will be roasted
Don't kid yourselves
All teachers do something, in their own way, to affect the income of tips and presents
As you can see across imamother and irl most ppl in the chinuch filed EXPECT tips and presents
And will subconsciously make sure they get it
The same way schools mwke sure to please the donors families
It's all the same bribery garbage

And BTW I agree, what my sister does is far from OK
Just putting the whole truth out there

amother

Cyan

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 12:38 pm

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

If none of them took the initiative, maybe you can take the initiative? Call the homes of the students (assuming they are on Chanukah break) to wish them a happy Chanukah. Chances are that if the parents are given an opportunity to express their gratitude verbally they will, and you'll hear how much they appreciate you.

But then she won’t get money or presents or recognition.
OP are you teaching because you honestly love teaching or are you teaching because “those who can’t, teach” and it’s an easy way to make money and get gifts and recognition? Look in the mirror and answer it honestly. And do you give letters and recognition and gifts to others? Like the mailman or doctor or even say thank you to the cashier or bagger.
I’m reading through the posts now so I’m adding more thoughts.

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 2:16 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

See, that's funny cuz I walked away from this thread noticing that almost every teacher who posted very clearly said they have no expectation of tips or gifts, and the people talking about how they feel they have to give it are PARENTS worried their kid won't be treated well if they don't. So I'm getting a very clear picture this expectation is coming from the parents, not the teachers- they feel if they give a good tip the teacher will then treat their kid better. As a teacher myself, I never did that, and I don't know any teachers personally who told me they did...

amother

Electricblue

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 2:19 pm

Cheiny wrote:

But OP didn't demand it! She vented here that she's sad she didn't get. And anyone who doesn't get appreciation should be free to be sad about that fact. Nowhere did OP say she demanded it from any parent. She came here and vented anonymously to us how hurt she feels, and the least we can do is say "yeah, when I don't hear any appreciation for my hard work I feel sad too", not "shame on you for wanting to feel appreciated"!

amother

Dahlia

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 3:20 pm

1. Thursday was Erev Chanukah. My life is quite hectic and I didn’t have a chance to organize except to join in those that the class organized in advance.

2 People think we’re quite comfortable. They don’t know how we’re struggling. We may have a large home but got it very cheap. Our mortgage is less than half of going rent. I really don’t have the funds but will give something. So if you get just a TY card, or $10 understand a parent may appreciate you but can’t afford it. Looks can be deceiving.

ValleyMom

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 4:47 pm

"Become a teacher and get rich!' said NOT one person ever.

I have been teaching many many years and I have zero expectation from parents.

I became a teacher to help children.

In fact, I don't even send homework home because I do not want parents helping their children- they didn't study education, they never take continuing education classes or professional development to hone their teaching skills.

I do.

Every few months I take extra classes, workshops, seminars...

My job is to make every student shine and feel empowered.

Every so often I get a mug or a candle or some body lotion or a gift card... that's lovely.

But, when a 4th grade boy comes back to my room at the end of the day to say "Thank you" or "I love you!" or "I had the best day ever... again!" THAT is what makes my heart soar.

When I was younger and I was a simple and naive young teacher I waited for Chanukah and loved all the mugs, gift cards, candles, BODY LOTIONS...

The longer I teach the more I learn the value of building relationships with my students and their families. My biggest thrill is when I get invited to former students bar mitzvahs, high school graduations, weddings and ultimately the Bris of their baby.

TravelHearter

Fri, Dec 08 2023, 5:10 pm

Some of you are downright nasty. I am not going to call out specific posters, but come on. You know those thoughts you have that probably shouldn’t be said? Don’t come to Imamother to say those. Do what you should do and let it go and move on. Trust me, saying some of the things posted on this thread doesn’t make you the better person.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sat, Dec 09 2023, 12:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Actually hiding from you specifically. Not gonna be posting when your around that’s forsure

I'm so sorry for you op. You got some very nasty comments here. People definitely don't know your full story and jump to conclusions. It's typical but it's also so mean. I'm sure that if you vented you definitely deserved it. I hope you get some recognition in your job. It's basics