Compliment? Or rude?

chanatron1000

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 6:56 pm

Tao wrote:

Yeah, but not most people. The ideal will always be healthy thinness.

What does "healthy thinness" mean to you? Because the ideal, in absence of a culture that specifically values thinness or its opposite, is a medium healthy weight, neither thin nor overweight.

lamplighter

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 6:59 pm

Thinness being more beautiful than curves is fairly recent.
In many cultures having curves and being "thick" is still very appreciated ex Hispanics or blacks.
Many men are attracted to fuller women, it's the mothers in law who arent. Thin is like a status or something.
Anyway, always better to not say something unless you know that they want to talk about it.

Tao

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 7:03 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

What does "healthy thinness" mean to you? Because the ideal, in absence of a culture that specifically values thinness or its opposite, is a medium healthy weight, neither thin nor overweight.

To me it means the thinnest you can be while still having a healthy BMI. For example for my height (5"5) apparently the lowest healthy BMI (quick google search, I'm no doctor!) is 111 pounds. That'd be nice LOL

zaq

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:23 pm

If you really want to be safe, don't comment on anyone's appearance, period. No matter what you say or don't say or how you say it or don't say it, someone who is looking for an excuse to feel offended will find it. Better to be vilified for a sin of omission than one of commission.

Not that this is my own practice. My personal philosophy is "if you think a compliment in your head, you should say it." I've told total strangers that I love the color of their jacket or umbrella or that their blouse or earrings are beautiful. Why not? You never know whose day you may make.

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 11:25 pm

I have disordered eating and was diagnosed with an eating disorder over 25 years ago.

I struggle with my weight and self esteem. As an adult I have weighed anywhere between a size 6 and a size 20.

I do not like my body or my appearance when I am heavier. I always want to be smaller.

When I am slimmer (anywhere between a size 6 to a size 10 max), I usually got that way through some severe restriction and micro-focusing on food, eating, and weight loss. It is a very bad state of mind for me. Think of it as a restriction that spirals... I might start by saying I will eating fewer carbs, but as I lose I add on every sort of food restriction you can imagine... and I become righteous about it.

Unfortunately, people comment positively when I am going down in weight. They make positive comments and often want to know what I am doing that I am able to lose weight. They say I look so good. They do not realize that when I am going down or at a lower weight, it is most often at the expense of my overall mental health.

You never know what is going on with someone on the inside. I feel comments about weight whether "good" or "bad" are always inappropriate.

In general, try to avoid comments that focus on appearance. Try to look deeper. If you must comment on appearance, simply tell someone they look beautiful... compliment an appealing outfit or flattering color. (something that shows you notice them). At least that way it doesn't imply that you only think they look good when they are thin. It only contributes to greater eating dysfunction for those of us who struggle with this.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 11:35 pm

Tao wrote:

Doesn't sound right.
I'm 5'3" and about 140 lbs. I do not look overweight at all. No I don't look like a skinny pole but people tell me I'm slim. It's not just numbers.

Busybee5

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 3:45 am

chanatron1000 wrote:

This is not true, though. Plenty of people find bigger people attractive, and that's always been the case. It wasn't just a status symbol.

Agree especially curvier girls. I have what to lose but I still like my figure way better than the lankier, stick thin, young looking woman with nothing on top, and zero curves..