Being a parent better or worse than you thought?

hodeez

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:32 am

I don't think I had an real expectations of what it would be like. Yes it's very hard, yes it's incredibly rewarding (so far, at least)

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:39 am

It’s the happiest and the saddest that I ever felt. I’m broken to pieces by adult kids and happiest by them. As far as babies it was just hard work. I sometimes understand why secular people don’t want children

baked ziti

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:44 am

I wouldn't use better or worse as a way of describing parenthood. It's more nuanced than that. I would say it's way more challenging and draining, especially emotionally. But I would never not want to have my kids or say that I have "buyer's remorse". It's forcing me to stretch and grow in ways I never imagined. It's very very hard and guilt inducing, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Hard doesn't always = bad.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:54 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Parenting is both the most rewarding, and the most painful thing I have ever done. It is so joyful, yet so frustrating. One of my kids makes me so upset I feel like crying, and another smiles at me so cutely that I just need to hug them and be happy. And then the difficult one comes to me for a hug and my heart sings.

So yes, parenting is better and worse than I thought it would be.

I don’t know that I find it rewarding even when I do things right and bear fruit from my effort. The anxiety and guilt of it is overpowering. I think I’d have been a lonely older single and I don’t know what exactly I want different.

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:33 pm

Years ago, I would have said it's as good as I expected. Now that I have teens who don't remove their headphones, and I need to scream just to wake them up for school, I would say it's harder than expected.

amother

Canary

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:39 pm

Way better than I thought. I never liked kids. I babysat when it was the only way to earn money, and stopped babysitting as soon as I turned 14 and had lots of other work options. I just always assumed I would have kids because it's what "normal" people do: get married and have kids.

But now I love being a parent and I love my kids more than I ever could've imagined. I don't love all the day to day minutiae, but the entire experience as a whole, being a parent, is amazing.

My oldest is still a preteen, so maybe things will change, but for now it's wonderful.

amother

DarkMagenta

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 11:00 pm

Maybe it depends on how old everyone’s kids are.
I’m having a hard time because I have a stressful marriage.
Also because I have a child who is considered an at risk teen
My kids are not little anymore. I miss those days so much. They were so innocent.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:11 am

Better.
I can't say it's always easy, but I truly love it. I love watching my kids grow into the amazing people they are and will IYH become. I love talking to them and hearing their thoughts. I love nurturing their minds and creativity where I can--and where I can't telling them I'm not the right person and don't know the answers, but to never stop asking their questions.
I'm no way a perfect mother. I make lots of mistakes, lose my cool, etc. And my kids are not perfect people--that's where growth comes in. But BH Hashem gave me amazing neshamos to nurture.
I do have the age range so we are far from done (ages 6 - almost 21 years old).

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:27 am

I am the youngest of a large family and I always had my nephews and nieces over . I would be their “second mother” and I loved it. However, when I had my own bh (4 kids in 4 years bli ayin hara) , I felt the parenting part take away from the love and warmth I always dreamt of giving to my kids .. it’s a hard balance but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I just had a class reunion and so many of my classmates are still single it makes you appreciate what you have even if it comes with its challenges ! All I can say is Thank you Hashem for my kids and their challenges !!!

amother

Milk

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 2:48 am

I think it's more challenging, maybe I just didn't think about the challenges. But better, because seeing their individual personalities develop is just a reward so great you can't possibly imagine it.

essie14

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 5:02 am

Better than I ever could have imagined. Watching my child grow up and seeing the world through her eyes is incredible and so rewarding.

SuperWify

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 5:11 am

More joyful.
Much more difficult.

I clearly remember in high school thinking I’d have a line of sweet matching ducklings behind me listening to my every demand Smile

SuperWify

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 5:14 am

essie14 wrote:

Better than I ever could have imagined. Watching my child grow up and seeing the world through her eyes is incredible and so rewarding.

That’s beautiful Heart

Much nachas always.

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 7:51 am

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

And I'm the opposite. Love love love the teen years. Really don't enjoy baby/toddler years.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 8:40 am

It's hard to describe. I honestly don't remember what my expectations were. I always wanted to be a mom, but that was mostly with the baby-toddler phase in mind (which is still super hard and exhausting, but delicious and fulfilling at the same time.)
I will say that I really struggle with decision making and "making things happen" in general, so it's really hard as a parent when you have things you need to take care of on someone else's behalf, like Dr appointments and finding the right school in time, buying new, proper size and season clothes, etc.
So, harder than you can imagine, but also the most amazing and meaningful experience
(But this is just with one toddler, ask me again in 10-15 years 😜
Please Hashem I'll still feel the same way)

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 9:39 am

This might sound cheesy, but watching your children grow up into individuals is the most incredible thing in the world. I don't even have the words to describe it.

This is a bonus that I never knew was part of the picture.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 9:54 am

It depends on the child. When I was a naive teenager I believed that even if a child has a difficult
nature all you need to do is show unconditional love and follow some other advice from the experts and find a good therapist (and of course good therapists are easy to find) Then everything will fall in place. By that standard the reality has shown me that parenting is waaaaaaaaaaaaay more difficult than I thought it would be.

Conversely with one my other children who has a natural inclination towards doing well and wanting to do the right thing parenting is waaaaaaaaaaaay easier and more rewarding than I thought it would be.

For the others it is what I expected.