The way I feel about the way I look

zufriedene

Sat, Jul 05 2008, 4:13 pm

body image and loving u'rself has nothing to do with size. Smile

u'r created with love by the eibishter, and being a bas yisroel u'r entitled to love who u are and the way u look .
could be u should start by concentrating in the mirror and just plain loving u'rself for who u are.
U deserve to feel good about u'rself and love u'rself , maybe u'r just not used to complimenting u'rself??
were u not complimented at home? did any one get compliments at home?
at least start a new shita with u'r family/

benny

Sun, Jul 06 2008, 12:03 am

I like the idea of using something special to make me feel special. I will try it. Thanks!

About the compliments and my body image- I know I am built like my mother. She doesnt like her body and always buys what she calls "a 3rd peice" (jacket, open sweater...) to sort of cover up what she sees as a bad figure. She does always compare herself to me and always has. She does it in a nice way like we need this and we need that. (My other siblings not). She always claimed I needed to wear certain kinds of clothes to make me look good. I think it is ingrained in me to not feel great about my body. I tune her out now that I see what has happened but I think the damage is done. Question is how to work on my body self esteem? I know I have many pretty features- I think the main thing is my weight. When I'm not fat I know I am pretty. I know you will say so lose the weight. I am trying very hard but what to do until then? I look in the mirror and at pictures and only see fat.

Beauty and the Beast

Sun, Jul 06 2008, 2:48 am

just a thought, but is it maybe the fact that your libido has been lowered after birth? I know that can happen many times, and people don't realize it and assume it is because they are carrying extra weight after a baby is the reason they don't feel good about themselves...

OTOH, I know exactly how you feel. I just had a baby myself. SHe is 3 months old, and I am fatter now than when I was pregnant. I gain a ton of weight when I nurse. I do not eat alot when I am pregnant, and I do not stop eating when I am nursing. I keep telling myself that I just had a baby and I try not to be hard on myself, but we all have our days.
On the days when I am feeling great about how I look ( usually the days when I don't get to eat breakfast, so my zipper still closes) I take advantage of the feeling, and make the most of my confidence!
But even on the days when the zipper is bulging, I tell myself that I will get out of it. Right now I am too busy being a mother and wife, feeding my baby, running my house, and I will get back to myself. I know how hard it is to have the right things on hand, but I also try very hard to have the right food around the house so that I can make the right choices, foodwise.
I know how important it is for a woman to take proper care of herself, but it is easier said than done.
All I can tell you is to take baby steps, it is the only way it works for me. Right now my baby step is to have a fruit in the morning, and to make sure I eat something for breakfast.

what will yours be?

you ask what to do untill you do lose the weight?
when you look in the mirror, tell yourself you are a great mother, a pretty woman, and a good wife who works hard for her family. smile, look at your pretty features, and tell yourself to take it one day at a time. BABY STEPS!!

freidasima

Sun, Jul 06 2008, 10:09 am

First of all get rid of anything with zippers and anything that isn't stretchy fabric. Put them deeeeep into your closet and dont take them out. Don't keep out anything that doesn't fit so that you won't be feeling bad every time you open your closet, even if it means buying a few skirts or a dress that fits you decently now at the weight you are.

Then keep thinking about the things in which you are NOT like your mother..and realize that while you may have some of the same features, they aren't the same...

Now go and get yourself something that makes you feel good and womanly, and use it!

benny

Sun, Jul 06 2008, 12:22 pm

To amother who said I should not hold back from my husband because I feel fat: I never said I was holding back! We are intimate together. I am just talking about the way I feel. I think because I dont feel good as a women, I have a hard time getting in the mood. I try very hard before he comes home to get in the right mind frame but its hard because I just feel fat. My husband doesnt think so but I do so no matter what he says I still see myself in the mirror and have a hard time feeling good.

nis

Thu, Jul 31 2008, 4:10 pm

I don't have time to read all the comments so I hope I am not repeating what anyone else wrote, but I want to tell you I totally understand and I used to go through the same thing as you. Not only that I would always discuss with my husband how fat I feel and look and I discovered something amazing! When I pointed out how fat I was I suddenly looked fat in my husband's eyes. Until today he will not notice if I have gained 20 pounds and he'll still enjoy me and look at me the same way. The minute I start complaining about my weight I suddenly look fat in his eyes. So I have actually learned to stop obsessing with myself so much and everything has become so much more positive. It doesn't happen overnight but if you change your way of thinking it affects you, your husband and your relationships. Good Luck!

Lady Godiva

Thu, Jul 31 2008, 4:19 pm

Sorry if I sound harsh but I think you should designate a time period in your day to excersize. An hour is great. A half hour is wonderful. Try to wake up a little before everybody else (or whenever you can spare some time) and walk, jog, run on a treadmill, rollerblade, dance, ride a bike... Do any form of excersize that you are comfortable with. Do this a minimum of 3 times a week aiming for 5 or 6. Do it for your health and it will improve your body image too. Do it for your family, to be a healthier mother and wife. Do it for your children so they will see a good example of how to be a healthy adult.

levial

Tue, Aug 19 2008, 5:14 pm

Of course I've felt like this too. I am always "working on myself" but never seem to get there. Let's face it, Diet and Exercise are not my strengths and unlike shopping, not something I'll do if I am tired or have no time.

The first advice is through positive thinking. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself I'm beautiful, smart, successful and happy. When you feel a negative thought come to mind, remind yourself, I"m beautiful, smart, successful and happy. Heaven knows I have seen more women who are (larger or smaller) less attractive than I am in happy marriages with spouses who adore them- and it can't be true that I'm so awful. If you feel a bad thought coming on, repeat to yourself, "I like myself" If that isn't strong enough, picture your little ones and say, "You're great" - you certainly wouldn't let anyone pick on your kids and not contradict them.

Secondly, if you start liking yourself more, then try thinking about how you "deserve" to work out or "deserve to eat healthy foods." This one I am starting to work on. I went to gym and did something at a pace I wanted to - not the crazy gotta burn as many calories as I can...in 30 mins and go home so DH can go to evning minyan... That was a stretch.

I think no matter what you're in the mood to do - if you don't change yourself inside it will just be a pattern..and you'll waste time going up and down on the scale, or trying and giving up.

rae

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 9:50 pm

Sorry you're feeling so lousy. I think that most of us feel awful after we have a baby. It's not just the weight, it takes time for your body to shift back into place. Just wanted to share what I've learned. I was looking through old pictures of myself after my first few kids were born. I remember feeling fat and ugly. Guess what, ten years later I think I looked really good. It's quite depressing but we don't get any younger. Even if we do get thinner, age sort of catches up to most of us. It's a real pity to waste your youth thinking that you are fat and ugly. Practice having a positive attitude, take care of yourself in any way that feels good. I Know that when I go for a full-body waxing, I feel like I ,ve lost 20 pounds. Buy yourself yummy moisterizers for after the shower, get a pedicure, whatever it takes to lift you up. I'm in my 30's now and I'm really working on being kind to myself and not being overly critical. Most guys would rather live with a happy, positive person than with a model.

amother

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:16 pm

benny wrote:

I hope this doesnt get locked. I was wondering if anyone else feels this way and if anyone has good advice. I do not feel good about my body. I dont feel good about myself. I feel fat and ugly. I try to diet and exercise but I am crazy busy. I have nothing to wear. I have a business and B"H 3 kids and I never have a second. My husband is a huge help and always tries so hard to help and to make me feel good. But I am never able to accept his compliments. I still dont feel good about myself. We are hardly ever together. (intimately) and I know its my fault. I am never in the mood and have tried so hard to get myself into it but somehow it never works. I think this may have something to do with the way I feel about myself. I never "feel" intimate. I feel too ugly to feel beautiful and in the mood. Any ideas? Just a little background: I have a 5 month old baby and have not lost an ounce since the birth. (maybe due to nursing). I am a size 12 and 5 feet. Please dont tell me a size 12 is not huge because I feel very fat.

Do you like ANYTHING else about your body besides the weight??? eyes for instance? nice hair? pretty feautures? teeth? try to emphasize on THOSE areas! I BET you could find!

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 3:06 pm

have you tried exercising at all? Forget the scale and all that. I would recommend that you focus on being healthy. I would first if possible eliminate all or most sugar and white flour. Sugar can have a chemical effect and besides not being good for our waistlines it can also contribute greatly to depression. I am wondering if perhaps you are suffering from post partum depression and exhaustion and tying them together can lead to poor libido and feeling of sadness, depression, etc. And most importantly I would recommend that you start exercising, not necessarily to lose weight but to feel good about yourself!! Include weight training as well as some form of aerobics (bike riding is very good). As you build muscle you will hopefully start to feel more confident and more in control of your body. And a good aerobic workout will help you burn fat too. You may want to keep a food log and see if certain foods trigger your feelings to feel worse than others. I know for me sugar and especially chocolate are very bad news for me. Good luck!