help- 2 yr old makes me yell like crazy

m0m

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 6:34 am

ok, so before people judge me in their minds- I love my daughter and she is adorable and I'm thankful for her every day. however, she drives me up the wall and down and up again. lol- I know its the age terrible twos- but sometimes I just cant deal with her. sHe doesn't understand me- or acts like she doesn't and does things she shouldnt and does it again and again. I tell her how wonderful she is all day when she is but she does things - like example.she walks around the house plugging things in- unplugging- climbs and gets hold of CD players she just turned two and these are dangerous stuff... I can baby proof from today till tom. she still manages to get and do dangerous things. it makes me so frustrated and I know she doesn't understand and is testing her limits but how do you calm down and hold yourself back from screaming. people probably walk by my house and think terrible things but I just have trouble dealing with her. she sits on my infant - rides him like a horse- if the baby touches something he shouldnt and she steps on his fingers- hard.... I just cant deal and im getting more and more frazzled. I yell like a crazy woman. any tips how to calm down. work with her??? anything?she's a good kid-one who tells me she needs a diaper and says thank you ima for my diaper after I change her. but she is oh so difficult other times.

Last edited by m0m on Thu, Jan 08 2009, 10:46 am; edited 1 time in total

justanothermother

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 9:40 am

I read something very true in a parenting book a ling time ago. I wish I could remember which one it was. Our children do not 'make' us yell. How we react to their behavior is totally in our hands. If we think 'they're doing this to make me mad', or 'I can't take this anymore,' then we are going to react and maybe start yelling. It is so important to change the messages we tell ourselves when our children misbehave. Instead say 'he is testing my limits, how can I properly guide him' or 'this too shall pass, how do I handle it for now.'

Ima2

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 10:48 am

Totally agree justanothermother! Also, when he sees you yell like that, then he sees that he knows how to get you mad. Not that he's trying to push your buttons, but children are all about cause and effect. "hmmm...if I do this, then mommy gets really angry. Let's try it again...hehehe it worked, will it work again?" and so forth. And sometime kids really just have mean-streak in them and try to wreak havoc. I think it is more common in bos than girls. For me, what has worked is explaining why you don't want him to do that. If he steps on your baby's fingers when the baby reaches for somthing that your 2yo doesn't want him to, tell your 2 yo "NO! don't step on ____'s fingers. It hurts him! If you don'twant him to do that come tell me and I will take _____ away from there." Things like that. He totally understands you and probably talks a bit himself. If he gets into everything, instead of chasing him around yelling NO, NO , NO, NO!!!! Don't do that!!!! which is just fuel for his fire, when he reaches for something he knows he can't have, take it out of his hands and say "NO! we don't touch those things and you know that! Let's go over here instead". Distraction works really well and maybe try babyproofing even more. If you notice trends of where he goes, try to move them out of the way or put it into something like a cabinet or drawer with a lock on it. Hatzlacha rabba! But just remember, the more you yell at him, the more crazy he'll get and more the more crazy you'll get too!

greenfire

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 11:17 am

first of all you kid doesn't make you yell - you simply cannot control yourself ... listen to the signals in your body - see what you do (clench fists - pace back & forth - hold your breath, etc. ) before you yell ... then next time you feel those feelings - try to stop short of the yelling ...

and go to the corner What

kids aren't easy - but they are so much easier than teens Twisted Evil

chavs

Wed, Dec 17 2008, 1:42 pm

I understand the desire to yell! It can get really hard, especially with a baby as well, you are tired, you propably need to get things done etc etc.
MY 3 year old can bring me to the point of tears and yelling as well.
As another poster suggested try to recognise your bodys stress signals. Like clenching your fists, or your stomach tighteing, or shortness of breath. When you feel this, changing what you are doing might help, some suggestions (some were already said):
1)you can look in his eyes and hug him.
2)look at him, and remind yourself that he is a little baby still and that he loves you and isnt trying to upset you. What he does it actually a healthy and important(and annoying) part of development.
3)Take him out for a walk, getting out of the house helps a lot!
4)Sing, put all that stressed enegry into singing, and you can start dancing as well.
5)My mother said that it helped her to remind herself that we(her children) didnt ask to be born.
6)Get the book by Robert Munch called "I'll love you forever" http://www.robertmunsch.com/bo.....id=40
even if he isnt in the mood to be read to, reads it to yourself, might help you to laugh or cry or both but
its a really nice book.
7)call a friend, there is nothing like sharing the joys and pains and arggh, this kid is soooo annoying!!
8)have some activities handy that you can pull out when things get stressful, like playdough, a dvd, crayons, newspaper for him to shread, special cars, paint etc.
8) play with him
9)involve him in what you are doing, if you are dustiing give him a cloth and have him dust things he can reach, if you are doing dishes give him a plastic ball with a bit of water and soap and some plastic cup or plates or other safe dishes he can wash, if you are doing laundry have him help you sort whites and darks or socks and other things.
10)Make a cofee or tea or hot cocoa or something that helps you relax and take a time out for yourself.
11)make sure you have eaten and had a drink, if am hungry I have less patience.
get this book http://www.amazon.com/Discipli.....r=1-1 I found that it has some really helpful tips
Good luck

happymom

Thu, Dec 18 2008, 10:38 am

noone can make anyone else yell. there are ways for a mother to learn to remain relaxed and restrain themselves from yelling. by looking at a child as someone who doesnt know how to behave we realize it is our job as parents to teach them in a loving way. it is also important to realize that lttle kids are little, and not to expect them to behave like adults....

I would just buy lots fo fun things for him to do that he likes (like a slide he can climb up and dow (they have one for house) littl balls he can throw in a hoop, a roll of tape just for him to use, and distract him from those when he is doing what you dont want, or remove him from that room to another. there is no need to yell. it will just make him do it more and elaves you both mad

ra_mom

Thu, Dec 18 2008, 11:00 am

I know what you are going through. I am going through this on a constant basis. Baruch Hashem, my daughter is yummy, and an absolute handful. I also have a very hard time keeping calm all time when she is constantly testing me.
I've learned some things that really help, though keep in mind that there is no miracle cure, but some very good remedies.
Firstly, toddlers are at an age where they can begin to understand. When he does one of things that you describe, pick him up, and place him in a "time out". Somewhere like a crib, where he can't come out of. Speaking in calm tones, tell him that it's time for a time out. Leave the room for a full minute. Try to take deep breathes and calm yourself. When the time out is over, pick him up, hug him and kiss him, tell him how much you love him but that he did x, y and z, and therefore you have to put in him the crib for a time out.
Even if he doesn't understand exactly what you are talking about, he will understand your calm, firm tone of voice, and he will definatley understand the being put into the crib.
It will be tough couple of days, but before you know it he will get the hang of it and you will all be better for it.
The time out is just as benificial for you as it is for him. You can take a deep breathe and get your bearings. The general rule for time outs are 2 minutes for a 2 yr old, 3 for a 3 yr old, etc. You can start with 1 minute, and then after the 2nd time, increase it to 2 minutes.
Btw, it might be better to find a better alternative to the crib, such as a pack-n-play that he does't sleep in, since it's not always good to discipline in a place where he has to go to sleep, and he may begin to think that going to sleep is a punishment.

challi

Thu, Dec 18 2008, 11:24 am

Whenever I start feeeling like I might yell, I make myself whisper. It gets my kids attention much better, they tune out yelling and it'll just make them cry anyway, or laugh I get that too.

It doesn't always work, but if they want to hear you then they have to stop and listen carefully which gets their full attention.

Now that said, I still lose it sometimes. But I find its the quickest way for me diffuse the situation quickly.

cubbie

Thu, Dec 18 2008, 1:21 pm

Time outs work wonders - I'm not talking about for him, but for you. Take the baby and put yourselves in time out count to 10 and say he's just a baby until you have calmed down enough to deal with the situation in a calm manor, then take yourself out of time out!
Dd1 was 2.2 when dd2 was born, and after about 2 months she got very violent and would try anything to get my attention, when there is a baby taking up mommy's time bad attention is better than no attention. One of the things that really worked for me was to give dd a big hug the minute I saw her angry face, before she had a chance to touch her sister, ultimately it was what it was what she was really after, so it worked.

Mini Cookie

Thu, Dec 18 2008, 6:16 pm

I find that when DD starts driving me up a wall she is in dire need of attention. I take a few min to sit down & read to her, color with her or sing her favorite songs (with the motions) with her. It has saved lots of situations. If you are finding it hard to give so much of yourself get help from family & friends. An hour of a kid coming to play with your son can make a worls of a difference to you and him. It is in your hands to choose how to react. Yelling will just turn him into a frustrated kid & will turn your kishkas inside out...