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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Royalblue
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Wed, Mar 07 2018, 2:17 am
keym wrote: | Im finding this thread so fascinating and so respectful.
This question is for MO women but really it goes for everyone.
When you say you will support your children no matter their path, does that include moving over to the right even extremely? Are you concerned about your kids going "kollel" or whatever? If your child started keeping CY or certain hechsherim, would you encourage them or guilt them out of it.
The question is really for everyone on every derech
Im yeshivish. And while I hope my children dont move much to the left of me, if im being really honest, it would probably really get to me if my kids became more "extreme" than me. And I have to work on that.
So thats where my question is coming from. |
I'm MO (well, right-wing YU if we're getting nitty-gritty). I don't care where my kids end up. Granted, talk is cheap, but there is a strong history in my family of people going in different directions and still getting along.
My maternal grandparents are MO- grandmother doesn't cover her hair, grandfather went to college, children were brought up to go to college, etc etc. My uncle went Charedi (did kollel/klei kodesh his entire life), my aunt went chassidish, and my mother stayed more or less the same (but she does cover her hair). And we all get along! I wouldn't say I'm very very close to my cousins, but that's mostly because of personality.
I don't mind if my kids go a whole lot farther to the right to me, as long as the plan doesn't involve me and DH paying for their lifestyle. I see how my grandparents support my uncle and his family; my mother is a tzaddekes, so she doesn't object to how they give their money unequally, but I could easily see it tearing other families apart. My uncle literally couldn't afford to house, feed, or marry off his children without the help of my grandparents, who are not very wealthy and don't have large sums of cash to throw around. So any objection would be based strictly off of financial planning.
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DrMom
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Wed, Mar 07 2018, 2:58 am
SixOfWands wrote: | But the median income in the US isn't $38,000. Its $56,500. And yes, you can purchase a lovely home in much of the US for that.
3br, 2 baths. Asking $129,000
3BR, 2 baths. Asking $140,000
The world is not Brooklyn |
Just to be fair: Where are these homes located?
If the answer is "rural Nebraska," then it is not so helpful.
No, the world is not Brooklyn, but an observant Jewish family does need some sort of Jewish infrastructure (schools, shuls, mikvaot, etc.) to make life livable. Most places that fit the bill have housing costs much higher than what you showed.
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keym
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Wed, Mar 07 2018, 8:37 am
amother wrote: | I'm MO (well, right-wing YU if we're getting nitty-gritty). I don't care where my kids end up. Granted, talk is cheap, but there is a strong history in my family of people going in different directions and still getting along.
My maternal grandparents are MO- grandmother doesn't cover her hair, grandfather went to college, children were brought up to go to college, etc etc. My uncle went Charedi (did kollel/klei kodesh his entire life), my aunt went chassidish, and my mother stayed more or less the same (but she does cover her hair). And we all get along! I wouldn't say I'm very very close to my cousins, but that's mostly because of personality.
I don't mind if my kids go a whole lot farther to the right to me, as long as the plan doesn't involve me and DH paying for their lifestyle. I see how my grandparents support my uncle and his family; my mother is a tzaddekes, so she doesn't object to how they give their money unequally, but I could easily see it tearing other families apart. My uncle literally couldn't afford to house, feed, or marry off his children without the help of my grandparents, who are not very wealthy and don't have large sums of cash to throw around. So any objection would be based strictly off of financial planning. |
I hear and I appreciate your honesty. I totally agree with you that being supportive is one thing and makung demands of my wallet totally different.
But if it came down to it, I just cant see myself witholding money from my kids on principle if the money is there.
And that goes if my kid moved right left up or down.
But its a thought provoking question.
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amother
Khaki
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Wed, Mar 07 2018, 8:53 am
Boca00 wrote: | Now I just have to ask...
Is there such a thing as a shy Lubavitcher? I have never met one who wasn't super-outgoing. How would it work with shlichus and approaching strangers if you are shy?
(I decided I could ask this about Lubavitch as I don't think all the "Chassidish threads" were geared to them, and this isn't controversial.) |
Yes most definitely. And honestly Its a struggle because of the outreach expectation. But in truth many many lubavitchrrs are this way. Part of chabad theology also makes place for a woman being an akeres habayis, raising a wonderful frum family and making a difference in the world in the way she feels confortable. Though going out of the comfort zone is very encouraged so there is always little guilt...
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Jewel22
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Wed, Mar 07 2018, 12:55 pm
keym wrote: | Im finding this thread so fascinating and so respectful.
This question is for MO women but really it goes for everyone.
When you say you will support your children no matter their path, does that include moving over to the right even extremely? Are you concerned about your kids going "kollel" or whatever? If your child started keeping CY or certain hechsherim, would you encourage them or guilt them out of it.
The question is really for everyone on every derech
Im yeshivish. And while I hope my children dont move much to the left of me, if im being really honest, it would probably really get to me if my kids became more "extreme" than me. And I have to work on that.
So thats where my question is coming from. |
I'm MO and honestly I have no problem what so ever if my children decide to go "extreme" or to kollel. In fact I'll have more of a problem if they went completely off the derech. I will still support them no matter what and at the end of the day it's their decision where to be at in life. I raise them with the right tools and try to do my best. But still no matter their decision they have my support and love. My family is all over the place meaning I have an aunt who's chassidish but I also have my husbands nephew who has tatoos and completely against Torah. So there's many of us from both extremes. Then my siblings who are more MO too and my in laws. We're all different BUT we all get along as well.
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