Naming for a parent

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 6:36 pm

Is there any reason why you would not name a child after a parent who passed away?

Is there anything special about doing so (besides continuing the name in the family).

There are already two kids in my family who have my parent's name - though neither are called by the name he went by, but this is the first time we are expecting the right gender baby to also potentially name! The problem is I do not like the name - in English or Hebrew. We can name after any of our grandparents but those names have also been used by kids in the family so there is no absolute need to. However, there is one grandparent name in particular we both like that has meaning to us. But can I really skip my parent and name for husband's grandparent instead?

Thanks for your advice!

chaylizi

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 6:44 pm

I guess it's personal preference. I think though that you are 'supposed to' name for closer relatives sooner. When my son was born, I had a grandfather who was niftar less than a year before. My father was niftar 22 years before- but there was no name for him. My sisters want their own name for him though. My son being named for him isn't enough for them. I should really stop posting, because I desperately wanted a boy- just so I could name for him.

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 7:15 pm

Nobody can tell you the right thing to do.
I will share with you though that I named one of my daughters after my grandmother, who I loved and admired tremendously. I was really not so in love with the name. It's not a weird unusual name. It's just very common and I could come up with an endless list of names that I think are prettier. But I felt that how could I not pass on the name. What can I tell you. The name grew on me. I love it now. And I can't imagine having given her any other name. This particular daughter is so like my grandmother in looks and personality it's scary. It's so clear that this was the right name. How sad I would be today if I had passed that name over for something "prettier" or more original.

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 8:15 pm

my grandfather and father both passed away the same year which was also the same yeaer I was expecting my first.... and I really wanted to name after my grandfather because I had loved the name and was not fond of my fathers name at all not the first name or second or the english (even nicknames) but I realized in the end that even though in the future my sibilings would name after my father(when they would have kids) if I named after my grandfather instead I felt like I would be disrepecting my father so when my son was born I made the choice and when I heard his name at the bris I felt chills and I knew I made the right choice.

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 8:22 pm

I am pg now and am hoping for a girl to name after my mother. I think it is a special form of healing to hear the parents name. I know we had to name my other child after someone and I was not into the name but it really grew on me.

amother

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 8:50 pm

my father a"h had 2 hebrew names, one nice one, and one very uncommon one, that im really not so fond of. my fil has one of the same names, the one I like. all my nephews named after him are called by that name (thats what he was called), and since my father was niftar, I thought my child would also be. however, being that its my fil's name, b"h hes still alive and im not sfardi, I cant give that name to my child. right now im pregnant with my first, and while im really hoping for a healthy child, in the back of my mind, im also hoping for a boy, just so I can name him after my father, even though there are many nephews named after him, and even though I dont really like the name. in my mind, I keep saying (that name), come here..., just to get used to it, in case I do have a boy, and you know what? its already starting to grow on me, and im only in my 3rd month!

clowny

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 9:11 pm

I think that naming after a grandparent before a parent is disrespectful, especially if youre talking about naming after your dh grandparent before your parent. How do you think your parent' will feel about that up there??? Having other kids in the family named after your parent doesn't change the situation, its naming your own child that counts. And besides, how can one not name a child after a parent? Regardless of whether you like the name or not?

bubby

Tue, Apr 27 2010, 11:33 pm

clowny wrote:

Clowny, you said it before I could. I think the fact that OP even raised the question is strange. We're talking about YOUR parent? How could you even consider not giving the name? I'm shocked. shock

Do you know that every name that's given is an aliyah for the Neshama? So what if you don't like the name? Unless your parent is Lucretia Borgia or Jeffrey Dahmer, I don't see the dilemma.

Your own parent?? Sheesh! Rolling Eyes

I wish there was an emoticon of shaking one's head in amazement & disbelief.

Marion

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 1:32 am

Why does it matter if it's your parent or a parent-IL? We're having this conflict now; I'd rather not use FIL's name because I don't like it particularly. But DH is adamant that it should at least be incorporated somehow (just as I was adamant that DS#1 have my grandfather's name in it) and so we're working on a compromise component. (Of course if it's a girl we have a different name picked out and this name will be reshelved/rethought for next time IY"H.)

It is said that parents have nevua when they choose their children's names...maybe this name is not meant for this child?

MommyZ

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 1:35 am

Marion wrote:

My il's requested that we name after fil's father and mil's step-father but I didn't care for either name. I was more open to fil's father's name but was planning to give a different second name and call our son by the second name. Our first child was a daughter and when I found out our second was a boy I wasn't thrilled to give those names. Sometime in the middle of my 8th mth when we started seriously discussing names I decided if those names meant so much to il's I would give both of them and call him by a nickname I like which is what we did.

RachelEve14

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 1:46 am

I also think it depends somewhat on the name. My mother (may she be well until 120) is Masha Bluma Zisel. Now, we live in a chardal / mo community in EY, and we are litvicks through & through. It would be something to discuss with my rav, but I don't see how I coudl use any of those names.

If her name was Sarah, and I just wasn't too fond of Sarah, I'd give the name.

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 3:24 am

Litvaks use Yiddish too. MO too, although often they add a more modern sounding first name before, and many prefer to translate the name when possible.

Children will always encounter other kids with bad middos. Not a reason to not use a name unless davka it means a bad word in the language. If they don't mock the name they'll mock the looks or the parents or the grades or the hobbies. Not naming for a (grand)parent because of that is the key to regret in older age, imvho.

amother

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 3:56 am

amother wrote:

same here. I named after my grandmother even though she had a most common name, but I felt it was a must, because I am her only Jewish granddaughter and this is her first Jewish greatgranddaughter. So I thought it vital that her name is passed on. (My grandmother was married to a [gentile] so she only has very few Jewish descendants). Now I love the name and find it beautiful, and my family, both Jewish and non-Jewish, were literally crying of emotion and happiness that I named my daughter after their mother.

RachelEve14

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 4:00 am

Ruchel wrote:

Ruchel, yes, I know litvicks use yiddish. I also know that it's not good to saddle a kid with a name they could be made fun of (and yes, I know you can make fun of Sarah too).

Nimrod is a used name now. Does that mean that if little Nimrod grows up to 120, and his son has a baby, that he should use the name Nimrod just b/c it was his father's name?

sarahd

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 4:23 am

RachelEve14 wrote:

You (or hopefully your children or grandchildren) could give the name but call the child Pirchit or some other Hebrew equivalent of one of the names.

RachelEve14

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 4:32 am

sarahd wrote:

RachelEve14 wrote:

You (or hopefully your children or grandchildren) could give the name but call the child Pirchit or some other Hebrew equivalent of one of the names.

When the situation comes up (please G/d my mother should be healthy ad 120), I will discuss it with my rav. In addition, my rav is very against giving names that aren't used, and this shita is if a name isn't used it really isn't a name.

freidasima

Wed, Apr 28 2010, 4:50 am

May your mother live and be well!

Perach
Duvshanit
Pirchiya

I also googled Masha and seems that it is either a derivative from Moshe or from Miriam (keep it in the family type thing).

So your grandchildren (may it only be then) can be named Miriam Perach or Pirchiya Duvshanit or any acronym of the names.

My father a"h had two names neither of which any of the kids really like. First boy was named after son in law's father, no question. But I told them they could make an acronym out of it for future boys, as long as the boy knows whom he was named after and what the original name was. It wasn't a family name anyhow but the name of a great Rov so...