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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Dec 30 2023, 6:57 pm
If you are an INFJ parent, please tell me about your parenting.
I love kids (especially mine), but seriously I always loved kids and couldn’t wait to raise a family of my own.
Now bh a few children later, it’s really not the same.
Because I feel like I don’t have the down time to myself, I don’t have the quiet, the activities I need to recharge, I just am not the mother I want to be.
Anyone relate?
Just FYI I work basically full time- which I can’t cut down on.
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amother
Blueberry
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:04 pm
I totally get you. Is there a way for me to PM you? Another INFJ mom here 
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:07 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | | I totally get you. Is there a way for me to PM you? Another INFJ mom here |
Yes would love that. How though
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:08 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | | I totally get you. Is there a way for me to PM you? Another INFJ mom here |
Or how about we make this a bit of a support thread?
Please share your struggle, your advice etc
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:08 pm
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It takes me so much time to “unwind” at night and then my husband gets upset that I’m not available for him right away.
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amother
Blueberry
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:14 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Or how about we make this a bit of a support thread?
Please share your struggle, your advice etc |
I would but I'm a very open person so I've discussed this with ppl IRL. Also, INFJ is the rarest personality type and I'm very open about being one so I feel like it would be obvious 
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amother
Slategray
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:34 pm
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Infj here, I get you, have no advice tho unfortunately, wish I did
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amother
Wheat
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:36 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | | I would but I'm a very open person so I've discussed this with ppl IRL. Also, INFJ is the rarest personality type and I'm very open about being one so I feel like it would be obvious |
INFJ is indeed the rarest personality type overall, but not the rarest in females. The INTJ female is more rare.
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amother
Blueberry
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:40 pm
Any mods know how we can PM each other?
(I highly doubt I know you irl coz I only know one other INFJ )
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amother
Wheat
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 7:44 pm
| amother Blueberry wrote: | Any mods know how we can PM each other?
(I highly doubt I know you irl coz I only know one other INFJ ) |
I am an ISTP not an INFJ but would say that what OP describes is quite typical for many introvert parents, dads too. My DH and I are both “I” parents (not INFJs) and need time to unwind after parenting. I am not saying you shouldn’t form an INFJ group if you need, I am just pointing out that I am not convinced what you describe is unique to your personality type.
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amother
RosePink
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 9:27 pm
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As an INTP: I really don't think this a particularly unique problem due to your personality type...
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amother
Blueberry
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 10:26 pm
| amother RosePink wrote: | | As an INTP: I really don't think this a particularly unique problem due to your personality type... |
My sister is an INTP and our parenting styles are completely different!
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amother
OP
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 10:43 pm
| amother RosePink wrote: | | As an INTP: I really don't think this a particularly unique problem due to your personality type... |
Well, probably all introverts have this, as a matter of fact, probably all parents need their own space at times.
However, the reason I wrote specificially INFJ is because INFJ's take parenting very seriously and are possibly more idealistic with their parenting goals.
I also feel very upset with myself when I am unable to parent the way I naturally feel is right.
I don't know if this is just me or if it is an INFJ concept.
Thanks!
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tichellady
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Sat, Dec 30 2023, 11:49 pm
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I think I’m an infj. I think I’m a pretty good parent because I work part time and have a lot of childcare help. I get overwhelmed easily. I have very high expectations of myself. I need a lot of time to myself.
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amother
Orchid
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 12:10 am
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I’m an extrovert and feel like this. 🤷♀️
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mudpies
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:32 am
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I'm an INFJ and feeling validated even just seeing that there are other INFJ's writing exactly what I could have written!
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DVOM
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 6:38 am
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I have no idea what the acronyms mean, but I can really relate to the struggle!
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amother
Wheat
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 7:07 am
| amother Blueberry wrote: | | My sister is an INTP and our parenting styles are completely different! |
Perhaps, but the need for space and alone time from DCs seems to be universal across all introvert personality types. The OP wasn’t about parenting style but about the need to decompress after parenting.
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BH Yom Yom
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 7:30 am
| mudpies wrote: | | I'm an INFJ and feeling validated even just seeing that there are other INFJ's writing exactly what I could have written! |
Same here.
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adinamom1
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Sun, Dec 31 2023, 11:47 am
As an INFJ I relate to the feeling, but understand that it is not unique to the personality type.
Anyone can feel a mild or strong need to have space and time alone to recharge, but there can be different core reasons for each person.
One POV: I need space because I feel that I need to conserve my energies. I feel that every small interaction with my children, every small demand of me depletes me and tightens me heart, so I need time alone to fill what I am missing. I am carrying everyone, but who is carrying me?
2nd POV: I am in tune to my needs; I realize that in order to continue giving to the people I love, I need some time to relax with no pressures. I can deal with anything that comes my way, I can deal with life. This time I set aside for myself will give me the space I need to continue.
These two scenarios can be the same person at different times, but which one do you relate to more?
If it is the first POV, try to give yourself strength in these moments that you are able to relax. Tell yourself that you are good and you can carry yourself and your children in your heart, that you are endless and nothing can deplete you!
An INFJ takes life very seriously and can get more weighed down than other people. They have so much going on at once it can be hard to just live in the moment and keep an open heart..
Be kind to yourself
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