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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Mon, Apr 15 2013, 11:54 am
Today I was at someone's house who I am visiting for the second time. She was asking me questions about myself and my family etc. I said I get on very well with my step mother, in fact, even better than she gets on with her daughter, because her daughter gets annoyed easily, while I am more calm. I said she doesn't mean to be like this, that's just the way she is , some people are like that.
Also I told her that she is a very intelligent girl. I told her she has two degrees from top universities, and that she is quite upset because she has such good qualifications ,and in this climate she can't find a job. And then I said "I also have a good degree". Was that ok?
It's not like I said a lot, it's just she is very chatty
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amother
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Mon, Apr 15 2013, 11:57 am
It could have been LH, but it's also LH to speak about yourself having spoken LH.
LH is one of the hardest things to keep away from... most people struggle with it, if not all of the common frum populace. That's why people do shmiras halashon schemes where they taken on ONE HOUR to not speak LH at all.
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smss
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Mon, Apr 15 2013, 12:01 pm
| amother wrote: | Today I was at someone's house who I am visiting for the second time. She was asking me questions about myself and my family etc. I said I get on very well with my step mother, in fact, even better than she gets on with her daughter, because her daughter gets annoyed easily, while I am more calm. I said she doesn't mean to be like this, that's just the way she is , some people are like that.
Also I told her that she is a very intelligent girl. I told her she has two degrees from top universities, and that she is quite upset because she has such good qualifications ,and in this climate she can't find a job. And then I said "I also have a good degree". Was that ok?
It's not like I said a lot, it's just she is very chatty |
not sure about the second part, but the first part is LH I think
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c.c.cookie
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Mon, Apr 15 2013, 12:20 pm
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The part about getting annoyed easily is definitely LH.
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greenfire
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Mon, Apr 15 2013, 12:29 pm
there are so many levels of loshon hora - some which even stem from loshon tov ...
if you're that concerned you should learn about it ... you can start by reading 'guard your tongue'
I'm sure there are other classes and resources out there if you are so inclinded
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Apr 15 2013, 1:15 pm
| amother wrote: | Today I was at someone's house who I am visiting for the second time. She was asking me questions about myself and my family etc. I said I get on very well with my step mother, in fact, even better than she gets on with her daughter, because her daughter gets annoyed easily, while I am more calm. I said she doesn't mean to be like this, that's just the way she is , some people are like that.
Also I told her that she is a very intelligent girl. I told her she has two degrees from top universities, and that she is quite upset because she has such good qualifications ,and in this climate she can't find a job. And then I said "I also have a good degree". Was that ok?
It's not like I said a lot, it's just she is very chatty |
I claim no expertise on LHR which must be studied, and you should ask a Rebbetzin or Rav. Here is just my opinion. You can confide this kind of deep intimate stuff only to a close, trusted friend you know won't use it or repeat it.
The bolded above is editorializing and none of your business to speak out loud.
You have delivered this step sister to the other lady on a platter, trussed like a chicken, fully understood, and analyzed in depth. Photographed in bright light - from two angles, mother-daughter stuff, and job search. Ouch.
Yes, chatty people are hard to stay un-chatty around, but that is our task.
You could have remarked she is 'a very intelligent girl' but even that is iffy.
You can say you have a good degree, but that's also iffy.
We do not raise bright flags for others to envy, or to aim at!
What is ok is: "I get on great with my step mother. It's very nice. I like my step sister too. She's so cool."
Then close it.
Chatty lady will have to find out the other stuff for herself if she is curious. Or she may just like to talk.
In short, don't reveal, don't present resumes, don't pass judgment (even positive judgment). Don't psychologize, which you did.
Don't label. Labels can stick for life. And can also be completely wrong.
No resumes. No CVs. No analysis of characters.
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