Spinoff I grew up Satmar amother enabled

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:25 pm

Dear OP
I totally relate to you. I too grew up satmar and feel like there is some resemblance in how you respond to all these questions.

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:26 pm

[Right. Have you actually seen the seamed stockings satmar girls wear? They arent s-xy by anyone's standards, including those who are into seams. Except maybe some weird satmar fetishists. The stockings themselves are a thick, ugly beige. And the women wearing them make a point of dressing decidedly UNsexy overall.[/quote]

There are Satmar women who wear sheer stockings with seams. Seems to defeat the purpose, but whatever. Those do look seksy with short skirts.

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:27 pm

Thanks. It must be soooo hard to deal with that. Im going thru the same with my parents. Hugs
Sometimes I feel so lonely- not being able to share my new self with the people I grew up with.

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:29 pm

Just in-case you are married - How does your husband feel about your present standards? Does he go along with it? if not, how do deal with his objections?
If your not married at this point you don't have to answer...

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:37 pm

I agree that sheer stockings or thin stockings with seams defeats the purpose

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:39 pm

Married here. My husband doesnt have any objections. Although I think that for me (maybe its a woman thing) its more hard since I dont want to lead a double life. I feel like I want to be Who I am in every way. Whereas he will be fine just doing what he wants. Without putting any emotions in it.
Rambling....does that make sense?

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:39 pm

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:40 pm

Sahmom wrote:

Thanks. It must be soooo hard to deal with that. Im going thru the same with my parents. Hugs
Sometimes I feel so lonely- not being able to share my new self with the people I grew up with.

Op here. Thanks for your honest feedback. I appreciate it!
Also thanks for sharing about your situation. How do you cope with the changes and how people react towards you? Do you have a network of friends/support in your current community? How are you managing financially? Are you now able to pursue your interest and is it hard for you to do so (ie figure out what you're good at etc)? I have like a million questions but dont want to overwhelm you them so I'll stop now but feel free to open up and share about your experiences at your own pace. Thanks!

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:42 pm

It would be nice to be able to email with you. If you feel like it...

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:44 pm

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

And your kids are not being thrown out from school? Thats bizarre

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:49 pm

Wow. All the right questions.
Will have to get to my computer to answer them.

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:50 pm

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

And your kids are not being thrown out from school? Thats bizarre

Nopes. And my daughter has a bike (a two wheeler) (she is only 6 but I can see her riding another few years).

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:52 pm

OP I'm a different amother who also grew up in Williamsburg and has left the community.
My husband identifies as totally Chassidish like before and I identify as more modern Chassidish (although I feel much closer to Yiddishkeit and Torah now and consider myself less Modern). We respect each other's choices and we're OK with how we each choose to identify as.

You need to connect to people who will understand you. It is very important. There are many such people. You also would need Daas Torah who will understand you and tell you how to deal with your parents because that part is not easy. You want to live Yiddishkeit b'Simcha and not resentful yet you want to do that in the best possible way to avoid stepping on Kibbud av v'aim as much as possible.

You can go forward in your life. You can get educated. You can be happy!! Don't look back. Look forward!
I am in the process. I am learning and exploring. I am forging a stronger connection with Yiddishkeit.

On the other hand I try not to talk against my former community to random people. I do not agree at all with most of their mentality but firstly I had to let go of that and focus on changing myself. If I can do anything to change things in the community I would, but I know just venting is not going to help. It just makes me angry. I know people there who are happy and although I cannot imagine that I have let go.
Focus on yourself now! How you can live your life to your fullest. I understand you're angry but now you must focus your strength on how to go ahead in your life.

I am here for you and I'm sure there are others on here as well.

Sahmom

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:54 pm

amother wrote:

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

And your kids are not being thrown out from school? Thats bizarre

Nopes. And my daughter has a bike (a two wheeler) (she is only 6 but I can see her riding another few years).

Do you just happen to live there? Or do you actually belong to the satmar community there?
Are you being accepted with all this stuff?

amother

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:57 pm

[quote="amother"]OP I'm a different amother who also grew up in Williamsburg and has left the community.
My husband identifies as totally Chassidish like before and I identify as more modern Chassidish (although I feel much closer to Yiddishkeit and Torah now and consider myself less Modern). We respect each other's choices and we're OK with how we each choose to identify as.

You need to connect to people who will understand you. It is very important. There are many such people. You also would need Daas Torah who will understand you and tell you how to deal with your parents because that part is not easy. You want to live Yiddishkeit b'Simcha and not resentful yet you want to do that in the best possible way to avoid stepping on Kibbud av v'aim as much as possible.

You can go forward in your life. You can get educated. You can be happy!! Don't look back. Look forward!
I am in the process. I am learning and exploring. I am forging a stronger connection with Yiddishkeit.

On the other hand I try not to talk against my former community to random people. I do not agree at all with most of their mentality but firstly I had to let go of that and focus on changing myself. If I can do anything to change things in the community I would, but I know just venting is not going to help. It just makes me angry. I know people there who are happy and although I cannot imagine that I have let go.
Focus on yourself now! How you can live your life to your fullest. I understand you're angry but now you must focus your strength on how to go ahead in your life.

I am here for you and I'm sure there are others on here as well.[/

Different amother.
where do you find those new friends? I have exactly one friend. It's so hard to make new ones. Especially because most ppl my age (young) who are different than their families tend to be so immature and wana beish I can't stand it.

Also how do you figure out what you like and what you want to do with yourself for the rest of your life?

naturalmom5

Tue, Apr 16 2013, 11:58 pm

amother wrote:

You sound like a very wise woman
All the power to you

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2013, 12:00 am

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

op here. I actually dont remember if there was an age cut-off to not being allowed to wear black tights on shabbos but I do know that if anyone wanted to go to Bnos then they had to wear white tights-no exceptions.

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2013, 12:04 am

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

And your kids are not being thrown out from school? Thats bizarre

Nopes. And my daughter has a bike (a two wheeler) (she is only 6 but I can see her riding another few years).

Do you just happen to live there? Or do you actually belong to the satmar community there?
Are you being accepted with all this stuff?

I gre up satmar and am still satmar. I belong fully here and was never told a word about the black tights (I am not the only one doing this) about the bikes girls typically ride bikes till 10 or 11 about they also play with scooters and pogo sticks. My block is one of the busiest in kj and its packed with every kind of toy from bikes to trampolines etc...

Sahmom

Wed, Apr 17 2013, 12:10 am

amother wrote:

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Sahmom wrote:

amother wrote:

Just wanted to add about the black tights on shabbos that my kids as well as some kids on my block (I live in kj) wear black tights on shabbos, I would say probably till 10 or 11 years for sure....

And your kids are not being thrown out from school? Thats bizarre

Nopes. And my daughter has a bike (a two wheeler) (she is only 6 but I can see her riding another few years).

Do you just happen to live there? Or do you actually belong to the satmar community there?
Are you being accepted with all this stuff?

Good for you!

amother

Wed, Apr 17 2013, 12:14 am

[quote="amother"]

amother wrote:

I'm in my later 20's. I moved to Monsey on the outskirts. Do you still live in Williamsburg? I think moving away was crucial and the turning point.

I knew that I wanted to live a genuine Torah life. That was a no-brainer for me. Because there are so many different people on the block they are welcoming and most don't judge. I have already come to a place inside myself where I don't care so much about those who do judge. They cannot impact on my life or decisions the way the used to. They are wrong if they judge and not me. But in general, we are seen as normal frum people and that's what we are.

I also had 2 friends who were like me who moved out. We were grademates not classmates but because we knew each others from before, went through the same process, we are close now. I also go to Shiurim, the gym and try to volunteer for organizations. It takes time but you can get there. I am still working on it but find that if you are genuine, normal frum and nice then people will accept you and slowly you get to know more people as they get to know you.

I have also found guidance in a Chassidishe rav in helping me make major decisions and the transitions easier. He has been so supportive and such a guiding light. He did not tell me I must adhere to this and that but worked with what I felt was the right derech for me.

I still want to go for a higher education but I'm working right now and I'm following my passion in a certain field. I'm the go-getter type. When I want something I go for it. Especially if I feel it's the right thing to do.

Search within yourself or go to someone to speak your heart out. Get the help by guidance in how to to straighten things out in your life. You need to focus on getting to the right place so you can serve Hashem with Simcha, find the beauty in Yiddishkeit and be the best person you can be.