6 yr old gave 4 yr old medicine

amother

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:21 am

amother wrote:

Liba wrote:

Morah, I think more than wanting the child let off of the hook, the initial gut reaction was to be shocked and astounded that she was more concerned with punishing the child than finding a way to keep her children safe and make sure it could never happen again.

She also keeps saying that we don't know the circumstances of how the child got the medicine like somehow she is blameless. Regardless of the circumstances it is her responsibility to keep her child safe.

I NEVER said I am blameless or that another adult is not to blame. I NEVER placed the blame on anyone on this thread. I don't think that information is necessary to determine an appropriate punishment which is what I came on here to get advice on. As I said early I punish for dangerous things so children realize the danger. I don't punish for stupidity.

SplitPea

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:25 am

amother wrote:

Liba wrote:

See my post above.
Knowing the circumstances is very important for finding a punishment.

5*Mom

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:27 am

morah wrote:

Several poster have stated that the kid shouldn't be punished because it was mom's fault, and anyway, she's just a widdle biddle six year old acting her age.

Actually, I don't think this is age appropriate. Which begs the question why is a 6 year old doing such a dangerous, age-inappropriate thing? There could be many possible answers here, but before rushing to suggest a punishment, it might be wise to understand the situation a bit better to determine what happened and why, and what is the best way to prevent it from happening again.

If a 6 year old does not understand the dangers of medication, perhaps it has never been explained to her before.

If it has been explained to her, since the age of 2 or 3 as most parents do, and she STILL gave medicine to her younger sibling fully understanding the danger, I think there is much more going on here and an isolated punishment, no matter how well thought out, is not going to address the situation adequately.

SplitPea

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:30 am

Cookies n Cream wrote:

FranticFrummie wrote:

For those who think that some of us are being too harsh, replace "tylenol" with "handgun", and read it again.

A Tylenol overdose can be deadly, or at least cause permanent liver damage.

Not really.
It's acetaminophen.
You're referring to ibuprofen which is Motrin or Advil.

Tylenol CAN be deadly we had to take my dd to the hospital for getting into our suitcase and eating the little red "candies" found in our bag. They have an antidote for it but it must be givien in an hour. At her weight (28 pounds) 3 pills would have been a possibly deadly overdose

amother

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:30 am

One of the first posters said blame the mother. I THINK many of you saw that and went along with it without really reading the question in my post. No one stopped to realize no information was given so you just jumped to your own conclusions.
Thank you for being such great "friends".
What if I blame myself and have emotional issues and need to be told mistakes happen but try harder next time?
What if my husband is at fault and now my shalom bayis is down the tubes? You helped get it there
What if a babysitter was at fault and she got fired?
What if another adult was at fault that I will not have anything to do with now? You helped ruin a family relationship or friendship.
You need to think before you post and no, the whole story doesn't have to be given in a case like this when all I asked was for an appropriate punishment.

morah

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:33 am

Liba wrote:

I will be honest, just the title of this thread makes me sick to my stomachand caused me to recheck my cabinet locks last night. I agree it's strange that this is the first thought, rather than what can I do to improve safety, but this is what she asked, and it's not a crazy question. And btw, even with the craziest safeguards in place, kids sometimes find a way to slip through. I highly doubt the op left the medicine lying around. Maybe she thought placing it on a high shelf was enough. Doesn't make her blameless, but it doesn't make her the extremely negligent parent everyone is making her out to be. Also, for young kids, consequences need to happen as swiftly as possible. Sounds to me op panicked and wanted to make sure this aspect got taken care of. Maybe had she gotten what she asked for initially, she'd have calmed down and said thanks, now any oideas on how to make sure this never happens again?

Btw, I will add, not only did the older child need action, I think a talk with the younger kid is in order too. He needs to know never to touch medicine either, and only accept it from a caregiver or the doctor.

5*Mom

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:33 am

amother wrote:

There is no way to know what punishment is appropriate--or if, in fact, any punishment is called for and for whom--without all the information.

SplitPea

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:35 am

amother wrote:

And over and OVER and OVER people have asked for more information and none has been given yet you still ask for a punishment.

If my child did something while in the care of my husband it would be inappropriate for me to choose the punishment not knowing he whole story.

The first time someone "blamed" you, you could have solved that by explaining the Situation. We could have then helped you think of natural consequences and also ideas to make it not happen again.

Instead honestly you are wining like a child "you don't KNNNNOOOOW the full story."

Nu so tell us or stop asking for advice!

morah

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:40 am

5*Mom wrote:

morah wrote:

Several poster have stated that the kid shouldn't be punished because it was mom's fault, and anyway, she's just a widdle biddle six year old acting her age.

I stated several times that I have no idea what would be an appropriate action, only that action needed to be taken. I agree that explaining the circumstances would have helped to that effect. I do assume this is a neurotypical child who either forgot the rules or felt like breaking them today. I will operate under that assumption unless told otherwise.

amother

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:50 am

amother wrote:

OP you need to grow up and accept responsibility. It is not the posters' fault if you over react. It is not the 6 yr old's fault.

It is your fault. It is your responsibility. Quit trying to blame it on everyone else.

SplitPea

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 8:55 am

amother wrote:

Although I SOMEWHAT agree with you. That is a bashing post and should NOT have used amother. If you are going to say such harsh words use your screen name!

gold21

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:05 am

5*Mom wrote:

morah wrote:

Several poster have stated that the kid shouldn't be punished because it was mom's fault, and anyway, she's just a widdle biddle six year old acting her age.

I have to agree that I find it surprising that a 6 year old would play with medicine. That sounds like something a 2 or 3 year old would do (chas vesholom).

I also wonder why you don't want to accept any blame. Its normal to accept blame- that's what mothers do. My 10 month old fell off my bed a few days ago (we hang out on my bed sometimes together, she crawls around, crawls over me, plays with toys, and I play with her) and got a scratch across her forehead- of course I blamed myself. Like I said, a normal healthy parent accepts blame. Its highly unusual to avoid acceptance of blame.

morah

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:18 am

amother wrote:

Yes, all the OP's fault. Couldn't possibly be her husband's fault, or another caregiver's fault. And six year olds never forget the rules or break them just to see how far they can push. Methinks the one who needs to grow up is you.

gold21

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:22 am

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

If it were my husband's fault, I would feel guilty- "Oy I should have told him..." or "Oy I shouldn't have gone out and left him with everything" etc.

If it were my caregiver's fault, I would feel guilty- "Why didn't I mention it to her specifically" or "I wish my job didn't force me to leave my kids with a caregiver, I should have chosen a different career".

Pretty much no matter what happens, I feel guilty. That's how moms are. For better or for worse. Whether we should or shouldn't. We do.

morah

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:27 am

gold21 wrote:

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

Caregiver- yes, I'd feel guilty that I entrusted my child to a bad one. Husband- no, I wouldn't feel guilty. I should be able to trust my children's own father. I'd be angry at him for not being more on top of his own child's safety. BTW, I don't know why everyone thinks the op isn't feeling guilty. If anything, her defensiveness points to a deep sense of shame that this incident happened. She's embarrassed that it doesn't seem to have happened to anyone else in the world. And me, I am now obsessively checking my cabinet locks, because there but for the grace of G-d...

amother

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:36 am

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

The negligent care giver is the mother's fault. If the father were in charge, the mother needs to accept co-responsibility for having an unsafe house. Six yr olds having access to medicines is neglect. She is 100% responsible for her child even when the child is with the father.

Blaming posters for her SB issues or the break up of a friendship or a baby sitter getting fired is childish.

Posting under amother is childish also but I can accept when I do something silly.

OP is not contrite.

amother

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:41 am

morah wrote:

gold21 wrote:

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

ITA with everything except for the part about the father. If for any reason the father unsafe then the mom must do everything possible to keep the child safe. I defied court orders to allow unsupervised visitation. A mother is responsible 100% of the time.

Both parents are responsible for a safe home 100% each.

morah

Fri, Dec 27 2013, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

morah wrote:

amother wrote:

I can accept some of those statements so long as you'd be willing to say the same thing on imafather- negligent caregiver is just as much father's fault, both parents are responsible for what happens under the other's care etc. If it is 100% the mother's fault, it is also 100% the father's fault.

I disagree that the op is not contrite. She's not showing contrition, but I think she's so mortified at having her shortcomings pointed out that she's digging in her heels.

Allowing a six year old access to medication is indeed negligent. What do you mean by "allowing"? How many safeguards are enough before you're willing to accept that it's possible that it was enough for the reasonable mind and the kid STILL found a way around it? BTW, I very much doubt that was the case- otherwise the op would have explained that they were padlocked in the family safe and the wily six year old cracked it. But I equally doubt she left bottles open on the floor of the toy room. Most likely, she did not take all reasonable precautions and is currently feeling like a world class dunce over it, especially since we all took pains to say so.