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Selflessness in motherhood
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amother




Jetblack


Post  Wed, Jul 11 2018, 5:31 pm
Hugs.
It's tough. Really tough.
I know exactly what you're feeling. Magnified because my baby was a real crying baby and I literally didn't have a minute to just "be."
Then, nothing helped. I was probably low-grade depressed. I tried to "take care of myself" but it only helped so much.

Now, in hindsight, I will say to you, try to internalize "gam zeh ya'avor", your baby won't stay small and needy always.
Go on BC so that you know you will have time for yourself once baby gets older.
If need be, take baby to babysitter outside of work hours, or leave him there a bit extra after work, so that you can do something without being "on call."
And again, know that this will pass. you won't always feel this way. And that itself should be helpful.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:26 pm
Hi Imas,

I'm back 😊. My baby is 6 months now and everything you said about the smiles making it easier, is so true. (What you said about them sleeping better as they grow older...not so true;))

But I still feel lost. I don't know why and I can't pinpoint what the feeling is, but I feel like there's nothing left of me. I spend my days running on a hamster wheel. How do I break the rut and find myself in the mess of being a mom?
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zeesamama









  


Post  Wed, Oct 10 2018, 11:43 pm
I really feel you need an emotional vacation. A pampering massage or anything u would really benefit from emotionally. I find that helps me during stressful times.
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amother




Ivory


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:27 am
Last year I took a day for myself (husband watched the kids), went to a park an hour away with a big lake, and sat there for 3 hours doing absolutely nothing. No phones, lists, nothing. Then I got lunch at a nearby mall, bought a book, went back to the park and read until evening. Best therapy ever.
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amother




Purple


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:45 am
amother wrote:
Hi Imas,

I'm back 😊. My baby is 6 months now and everything you said about the smiles making it easier, is so true. (What you said about them sleeping better as they grow older...not so true;))

But I still feel lost. I don't know why and I can't pinpoint what the feeling is, but I feel like there's nothing left of me. I spend my days running on a hamster wheel. How do I break the rut and find myself in the mess of being a mom?


what do you mean by this hamster wheel?

Is it possible you are over-doing motherhood? Who were you before the baby?
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 12:46 am
You need time to be you. Not just mommy wife mommywifemommywife....

Schedule in an hour a day where baby can either be by the sitter or DH can watch him.

Have coffee or lunch with friends, go to the mall, library, gym, learn a new skill (painting, needlework ect.).

TBH the hardest part of becoming a mom was losing myself in the process. Bh I have changed my schedule to allow myself to have mornings where I can just be me. I have a set schedule so my activities are all planed out (gym twice a week, art lessons once, one day free for errands and appointments) and paid for in advance lol so I’m kind of “forced” to go. I can’t stress enough what a happier and better mother and wife I am when I feel like I listen to me first sometimes.
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heidi









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 1:56 am
I know this is going to be a very unpopular opinion with the "me" generation, but this is what you signed up for.
Babies need their mothers. Not their babysitters.
And if you leave your baby for work, you shouldn't be leaving her for coffee or lunch, the mall, library, gym or learning a new skill.
If you are having a hard time coping maybe you should see a therapist to understand why.
Leaving the baby for a few hours a day (or more?) should be enough "me" time.
Take baby for walks, take him to visit visit your family or friends. Take him to the mall.
Try to get to know him and enjoy being with him. Read or talk on the phone when he's sleeping. Carry him around and put him in the room with you while you take care of household chores.
But don't leave him to fulfill yourself.
It's not his fault that you feel lost, and he shouldn't be punished for it.
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BA









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 2:16 am
Your baby is six months now? Soon he'll be six years old! Time flies. Appreciate that you have acute little being who is happy simply because you smiled/fed/changed him. Then decide what you enjoy doing ... And do it! I enjoy going to bed and checking imamother lol so that's what I do. What do you, as yourself (not just wife and mother) enjoy?
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amother




Powderblue


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 4:13 am
I totally agree that a baby should not suffer so his mom can have a lot of time "off". That being said, if its in moderation it should be ok. Also, making sure your basic health is ok and you're getting in a normal meal and at least a little sleep is also very important. More important than a lot of other things we mistakenly prioritize. You really do become a new person when you are a mom. You will never be the same you as before. Embrace it
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 9:07 am
heidi wrote:
I know this is going to be a very unpopular opinion with the "me" generation, but this is what you signed up for.
Babies need their mothers. Not their babysitters.
And if you leave your baby for work, you shouldn't be leaving her for coffee or lunch, the mall, library, gym or learning a new skill.
If you are having a hard time coping maybe you should see a therapist to understand why.
Leaving the baby for a few hours a day (or more?) should be enough "me" time.
Take baby for walks, take him to visit visit your family or friends. Take him to the mall.
Try to get to know him and enjoy being with him. Read or talk on the phone when he's sleeping. Carry him around and put him in the room with you while you take care of household chores.
But don't leave him to fulfill yourself.
It's not his fault that you feel lost, and he shouldn't be punished for it.


A baby will suffer a whole lot more if mom is resentful and overwhelmed.

Dad can take care of baby just as well as mom can.

An hour a day for me time will make life more enjoyable for all, because mom will be happy.

Not everyone can embrace motherhood so easily, you know.
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livinginflatbus









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 9:22 am
SuperWify wrote:
A baby will suffer a whole lot more if mom is resentful and overwhelmed.

Dad can take care of baby just as well as mom can.

An hour a day for me time will make life more enjoyable for all, because mom will be happy.

Not everyone can embrace motherhood so easily, you know.

I can’t agree with this post more . Children need a happy mother even it means she drops her baby by the sitter occasionally. Trust me they won’t have abandonment issues from not being with their mother 24/7.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 9:26 am
The truth is, I don't even know why I posted. I know all this about me time and taking care of myself. I can give this advice to myself. It's just not practical right now. I just posted because I was having yet another hard night.

I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond. I'm lucky to be having these problems and wouldn't switch them for any other problems in the world. I'll figure out a way to make it through this stage of life intact.
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SuperWify









  


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:06 am
BA wrote:
Your baby is six months now? Soon he'll be six years old! Time flies. Appreciate that you have acute little being who is happy simply because you smiled/fed/changed him. Then decide what you enjoy doing ... And do it! I enjoy going to bed and checking imamother lol so that's what I do. What do you, as yourself (not just wife and mother) enjoy?


Soon is the key word. In between the “time flying” are lots of sleepless night doctor visits dirty diapers and a bunch of other stuff and whole lot emotional energy....
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:12 am
Op, your feelings are so normal....and to quote ds, "I'm not sure I want to have children at all, I'll be stuck with them for the rest of my life and I don't want to be forever stuck with them''
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Oct 11 2018, 10:13 am
op, does dh share in the responsibilities of caring for the baby? It gets overwhelming without husband's support.
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