I'm so jealous | Imamother

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 12:09 pm

Kinda asking for validation, and also maybe some advice.

I am married 3 years, pregnant with baby #2. My entire life I couldn't understand how some women didnt work. I'm the type to get soooooo bored.
Now, I am a full time employee at the hardest job ever (awesome salary and benefits), in my 4th month, and absolutely losing my sanity. I have NO TIME for anything. I want to stay home and chill with my 2yo, take him to the library and museum and to the park and on walks. Nap when he does. I'm seething in envy of all the SAHMs and part time workers.
Problem is, I'm supporting my lil fam-jam while my husband is working hard in grad school.
I know other people in my situation who work part time. Or even not at all. And I'm so jealous. They get to stay home and wake up late. They get to take it easy and go grocery shopping and cook a normal supper. They constantly have mental health days that I cant have.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 12:26 pm

amother wrote:

First of all, if you need a hug, here you go!
This post will be more validation than advice..
I work almost full time, but I commute so it's as if I with full time+. I'm the main breadwinner, and dh will be in school for the another couple of years. The difference is, I didn't grow up with your attitude. Mine changed when I met dh.
I have 1 child.
I'm not jealous of anyone else, because I wouldn't take anyones complete "package" over mine.
Also, a lot of those ppl go in debt to do all those things, and it would take away from the enjoyment for me.
Self care is extremely important. Don't underestimate it. I'm talking to myself as well.
Even something small.
I just want to say I get you, some days I don't think I can do it anymore. But I do think what I'm doing is amazing, and u give myself well deserved pats on the back.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 12:27 pm

EMEN wrote:

I totally know what you feel like. I forced myself to take three days off of work at one point when I felt that way and it really helped. Is that a possibility for you?

Such a good idea. That sounds like a dream! Unfortunately I have no sick days Sad

And if I take off, I will have way too much to make up when I get back, so it's not worth the stress. I might do it anyway and just not make anything up and see what happens hehe

amother

Lilac

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 12:32 pm

I've had that. I'd fantasize about getting fired so that I'd have the life of my dreams. But then I'd tell myself to think logically and go down the long road of 'what if' (what if I lose my job? What if we can't pay the bills? What if we can pay the bills but live really tight? What if I just lounge around all day?OTOH What if I continue working at this place? What if I get promoted and can cut my hours? What if the hard work now will lead me to the job of my dreams? What if/When I get older and no longer have children at home that need constant care: Will I want to be without a job/marketable skills then?) This really helps me.
Small breaks are also huge for me. It helps me get the 'itch' to go back.

amother

Linen

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 3:45 pm

Quote:

Ok I used to be you.
Now I’m a SAHM and love it bh.

One day your time will come too...

This. Just keep moving forward and take one day at a time. After working for 16 years straight (no summers off) and putting my husband through 7 years of schooling I am iyh finally going to be leaving my job once I give birth to my 4th. For many years my income was keeping us afloat but my husband is finally making enough that I can do this. I don't think we'll manage long term but I hope to able to be a SAHM at least for a year.

amother

Blue

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 3:52 pm

I work part time and feel like I'm cracking, can't imagine doing full time. I'm also 4 months pregnant and my poor 11 month old baby is not getting nearly the attention he deserves but I'm wiped. I keep reminding myself that work is actually healthier for me than staying home but oh how I need a mental health day.

imorethanamother

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:00 pm

amother wrote:

Curious - why is your job the "hardest job ever"? Is your boss strict? Is your job in healthcare (like nursing), and you're constantly on your feet? Do you have a long commute? Etc.

I want to tell you something that will not register and you will refuse to believe it: Your two year old will not remember you taking him to the library and the museum and the park. When your kids get older, that's when they need you more. For now, focus on the weekends, on the moments when you're home. Hug and cuddle and play silly games and do playdoh, and snuggle with them in bed. Don't feel so guilty about this time, and maybe plan a career trajectory that later on, you'll be able to be more present for your kids at a different job?

And milk every moment of that maternity leave! I loved it!

amother

Gold

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:12 pm

The grass is always greener on the other side! I felt like you too one time now circumstances have changed for various reasons and I have too much time and I feel so unproductive and lazy and just down. You have a career and a great job and are making money thank Hashem and look towards the positive while maximizing weekends and whatever days off you do have.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:20 pm

Wow I could have written this post to the t, except that I've already given birth to that sweet #2.
Honestly it's so hard. First the daily routine. But also the thought that we've worked so much to discover this at the end of the road.

No real solution. Take tons of cleaning hours if you can, it'll allow you to at least have a serene mind when home!
And Beshaa tova!

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:41 pm

I feel exactly like u except my dh has unfortunately not been successful at earning enough to support my family so I dont know if ill ever be able to be sahm...

Although I know I'm lucky to have a job I wish my dh can do al the earnings and I can be a sahm. Most of my relatives quit working because they said it was too hard.im overwhelmed too and hardly have me time but its my life and I have to deal with it.

The women who say they are bored at home with no job....well, I would love it if I had enough income so that I wouldn't have to work....I know how to occupy my time and would not be bored....furthermore, then I would be able to go out in the evenings to the events in my neighborhood...now I'm too exhausted and busy....

Also to the poster who said she's sick so she can't work....I feel bad for u but most sahms are not in that category....

Op, I can understand exactly how u are feeling...

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:54 pm

amother wrote:

I'm a SAHM with no money. Once I stopped working we had to cut back on all of our spending, and we were already cutting back . I don't like being a SAHM but I am for now. You don't know the inside story by each SAHM but trust me the grass ain't as green as it looks.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Feb 25 2019, 4:59 pm

amother wrote:

You have no idea...nobody knows about my condition.
Everyone has their story and their challenges...working has its challenges....being a SAHM has its challenges....it's a waste of time and energy being jealous of other people.