Dear Principal-Unsent Letter

Smile1978

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:11 am

I grew up with a mother who thought that everything was about grades. when I didn't get a good part in a play, she tried to console me and tell me that they probably gave out based on grades (I.e main part was actually a weak student). every issue was always about grades. I thought life was about grades. Until I graduated and made my own life. I realized a) I really was smart and my grades were actually pretty good (my mother just always interpreted them as not good--not always straight As) and b) good grades don't predict success in life.

Be careful with what your subliminal messages are to your daughter. If grades aren't important then don't let them be important. Who said that is why the principal wrote a note? I know many girls who were actually weak students and have very healthy self esteems. I realized it was because their mothers always believed in them.

Believe in your daughter and forget about what others think. Give her healthy role models, display lots of unconditional love, and treat school like it just ain't all that important, if school is too difficult for her.

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:15 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

She's planning on mailing the post-it note back anonymously, not this letter.

Right.
I want the intended recipient to receive the note.
I’m not mailing a letter.

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:22 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

I think most people have average kids so they don't know how hard it is to deal with principals, teachers when there are real issues. They don't realize how unhelpful most principals and teachers are. Most principals don't give a **** about your kid they only care about the girls who fit their agenda to care about.
I know there are going to be those of you who will say it's not true... just wait until you have an issue with one of your kids and need help, you'll see then.

Thank you!
This school also implied that they regretted accepting my daughter who is a good BY girl with good middos and does well socially.

I guess the school feels she is tainting their reputation because when daughter #2 got rejected by the BY high schools we applied to I asked the elementary principal if I should try appealing to this school since I was a parent there.

The principal advised me not to bother-that the year after my daughter was accepted they tried getting other unwanted girls in and were told that they were no longer extending such “favors” to the school.

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:34 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Then that's sad, but it's not the school's fault she's not a fit.

She’s not a good fit academically but she has other great qualities and is well-liked by her peers.
I would say socially she is a very good fit.

egam

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:35 am

The intended recipient needing the encouragement does not negate the fact that OP’s daughter might need one as well. Why is it so hard to add few nice words about middos to the report? It does sound to me that teacher or school simply doesn’t pay attention to anything but academics.

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:40 am

egam wrote:

Exactly this.
Thank you

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:50 am

egam wrote:

We don't know why the principal sent the note.

The principal who was probably looking over a stack of report cards - which report on academic achievement - added her congrats to girls who did well on academic achievement, as reflected on that report card.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 10:52 am

It this point, you need to work with the school for your daughter's sake and forget your own feelings. Be practical about this for her.

Contact the school and tell them that was a lovely post it note attached to your daughter's report card. It was wonderful they took time to write one. Tell them your daughter could use her note. Can you come by to exchage notes? Do this via email so you can document.

My daughter is in the most academic BY in our town. Anytime a teacher was less than positive, I was contacting admin in a lovely non- confrontational manner. Educators don't want to be perceived as not being supportive. Your daughter will never have to know that you were behind this.

ShishKabob

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:03 pm

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Oh boy do I agree with this one!

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:26 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Then that's sad, but it's not the school's fault she's not a fit.

Is this really what it's come to? Is this what paying thousands of dollars of tuition gets you now? Personal attention only if you fit the brand? Excuse me while I vomit.

My sons attend a very large school, and their report cards always have a very short comment by the principal (or whatever administrator reviewed it). Something like 'great work!' or 'wonderful!' and they are not straight A report cards.

It is such a shame that the only response some people can think of to OP's post is to switch schools. Oooorrr maybe the school could take 5 seconds to recognize the sweet, hardworking student right in front of their noses? And don't tell me it's not possible for the administration to recognize every single girl. We are very quick here to tell women not to have more kids than they can handle, so why is it okay for schools to accept more students than they can handle? I'm not saying every child needs a personal parade, but if all the 'average' girls are feeling swept under the rug, it's a huge horrible problem.

urban gypsy

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I feel pain for my daughter and the poor students who will never receive these personal notes or made to feel wanted and worthy of being in that school.

This school also implied that they regretted accepting my daughter who is a good BY girl with good middos and does well socially.

I guess the school feels she is tainting their reputation because when daughter #2 got rejected by the BY high schools we applied to I asked the elementary principal if I should try appealing to this school since I was a parent there.

The principal advised me not to bother-that the year after my daughter was accepted they tried getting other unwanted girls in and were told that they were no longer extending such “favors” to the school.

OP, I'm very glad that your daughter didn't see the note.
My question to you is, how does your daughter feel in the school?
Does she feel comfortable and happy in relationship to her friends and the hanhala?
Parents need to be extremely careful not to project their pain onto their children if it's not there to begin with. If you seriously feel that the school is mistreating your daughter you might want to consider switching her out.

urban gypsy

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:37 pm

egam wrote:

Why is it so hard to add few nice words about middos to the report? It does sound to me that teacher or school simply doesn’t pay attention to anything but academics.

If my school did this to me it would feel incredibly fake and patronizing.
Kids are smart and they know that praise for middos is nothing but a consolation prize.
Nobody takes that seriously and it some contexts can even be embarrassing.

egam

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:38 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Then that's sad, but it's not the school's fault she's not a fit.

Well, I tend to believe that the school that only cares about academic achievers, is not good fit for anyone, including fore mentioned achievers.

urban gypsy

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:41 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

My sons attend a very large school, and their report cards always have a very short comment by the principal (or whatever administrator reviewed it). Something like 'great work!' or 'wonderful!' and they are not straight A report cards.

Oooorrr maybe the school could take 5 seconds to recognize the sweet, hardworking student right in front of their noses?

This is so weird. Do you really feel that a generic word of "recognition" that is identical on every single report card means that you are getting your money's worth of thousands of dollars of tuition? That's what would make you happy and would be an adequate recognition of a student, but not writing "great work" or "excellent" would be an unforgivable lapse in care and attention?

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:41 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Groovy1224, where do you live? It's so normal to be like this in the Tristate area. Having you vomit makes me think that this put you into shock or something.
sorry for being so cynical

I don't want to say specifically, but I do live in NY. It's a big school, but bH they do make it their business to be aware of every child. I can't speak for every kid, but so far we've never felt forgotten.

I more wanted to vomit at the poster's tone. Like oh you think your average child deserves attention? Silly you.

urban gypsy

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:43 pm

nchr wrote:

But I'd be happy that BH it appears like my daughter is doing well enough that the teachers don't need to spoon feed her attention and notes. This is high school, not elementary school. Notes would be a concern for me at that age.

Personally I agree with this perspective.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:47 pm

egam wrote:

Well, I tend to believe that the school that only cares about academic achievers, is not good fit for anyone, including fore mentioned achievers.

They may only care about the academic achievers in the sense that a medical school only cares about the aspiring doctors--they are an academics-oriented school intended for people who value and are skilled at academics, and people who don't fit into that category should ideally find a different type of school.

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:49 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

No, that alone would not make me feel that I was getting my money's worth, it was just an example illustrating that it is possible to jot a note on report cards, even if you have hundreds to go through. It appears OP's principal actually is writing special notes, just not to the 'regular' kids apparently. So then yeah, at the very least I'd think she'd care enough to write *something*, even if its generic.

ShishKabob

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 1:50 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I'm sorry, this doesn't fly.
Most of THE schools are like this.
Should all of our kids be hanging out in the streets because we can't find a school that doesn't emphasize academics?