Dear Principal-Unsent Letter

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:30 pm

If your problem with rewarding academic achievement is that some people are left out, how is rewarding good midos not worse?

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:31 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

IDK I think part of being an adult is understanding that not everyone is special or deserves extra recognition. When everyone gets it, like "Great!" on a report card, it's nice but essentially meaningless. Any adult person would understand that a hastily scrawled "Great!" doesn't actually mean that the report card is great. It is just a nice thing to do that shows that the principal actually glanced at each report card. I would not compare that to the personal letter, they are two completely different things.

I feel like intercepting a private letter like what happened to the OP would feel very awkward and reflects somewhat poorly on the level of confidentiality of the school office. But it would be like accidentally getting someone else's love letter... feeling like you deserve one too is rooted in jealousy, nothing more. Just because they got one doesn't mean you *didn't deserve* one. It just means that there's a good reason why they got one. Not everyone in life is the same, accept it and move on.

Yes, that's part of being an adult, not a teenager. Teenagers need that boost. They crave it. They may act like they don't care what their teachers think, but they absolutely do. Pulling a kid to the side and saying "I notice that you have a lev tov, which will take you very far in life" -- with sincerity, not as a consolation prize -- can make a high school girl feel like a million dollars.

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:32 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

NO

My disappointment is not coming from a place of jealousy.
I am not a jealous person at all.

I took the time to mail the note back to the school so it could be directed to the right girl.
I would not want to deprive her of her this beautifully written personal note praising her personality and intelligence.

I am only lamenting the fact that this principal cannot acknowledge or find something nice-one or two words would be sufficient- to say about every girl in the school.

And if said principal can't find the time to do so for every girl, don't be so transparent about playing favorites.
Even though this note was erroneously attached to my daughter's report card, word gets around when a teacher or principal has their "favorites".

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:32 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Who said achieving high grades makes you a good person? A school's job is not to praise your good qualities, it's to provide an education in select academic subjects.

Maybe that's the job of typical American education. That's not what I expect from a Bais Yaakov education!

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:36 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Maybe that's the job of typical American education. That's not what I expect from a Bais Yaakov education!

Then they can't call themselves schools.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It was clear that this was addressed to a top achiever.

Among other flattering comments was the word "chachma".

The word חכמה used in an academic context is an utter and complete joke. A good student doesn't have חכמה!!

amother

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:38 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

We don't know why the principal sent the note.

The principal who was probably looking over a stack of report cards - which report on academic achievement - added her congrats to girls who did well on academic achievement, as reflected on that report card.

It was more than a congratulatory note.
Does a report card reflect on a girl's personality traits as well?

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:38 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

If your problem with rewarding academic achievement is that some people are left out, how is rewarding good midos not worse?

Rewarding and acknowledging are two different things. If you heavily acknowledge the academic achievement, you should be acknowledging the midos, as well. It doesn't need to be publicly, but in a private note, show that you notice and care!

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:39 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Then they can't call themselves schools.

Yes, they can. Do you set such low standards for your kids' Jewish education? Do you send them to public school?

If all you care about is their academic achievement, send your kids to a top public school.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:42 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

Yikes that is indeed unprofessional
Can you imagine a public school calling a kid "genius" in a report card note?

And why are we comparing our Bais Yaakov education to a public school education?

Do you really want a BY to be run like a public school?

(Trust me, you don't.)

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:47 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

They're not building people. The people are entering fully formed.

I meant regarding emotions and maturity level, not physically.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:48 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

The public schools don't have the curriculum I want. They do have better midos than the typical bais yaakov, but that's not what I look for in a school.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:49 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Then what about the girls who don't have shining midos or academic achievements?

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:52 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Then what about the girls who don't have shining midos or academic achievements?

If you are truly a caring educator, you can, without too much effort, find something genuinely positive to say about every single girl.

ectomorph

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:52 pm

Fargin the note. You know your daughter's good traits. It is the principals loss that she cannot see them.

I wish your daughter was in a school that appreciated her.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:56 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

If you are truly a caring educator, you can, without too much effort, find something genuinely positive to say about every single girl.

You might think so, but the girls know you were scraping the bottom of the barrel, and an awkward teen phase turns into trauma because of the dumb "positivity".

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:57 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Good response! *sarcasm emoji*

Sterling midos you've got.

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:58 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

You might think so, but the girls know you were scraping the bottom of the barrel, and an awkward teen phase turns into trauma because of the dumb "positivity".

Okay. So you think it's impossible for any teacher to ever make someone feel good about themselves unless they're a good student or have good midos?

amother

Olive

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 6:59 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Sterling midos you've got.

I'm sorry for being snarky. It was rude of me. I apologize.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Jul 30 2019, 7:04 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Oh, really?

I was speaking as a student when I said that, not a teacher. I had friends who were both stronger and weaker academically. There were specific teachers I can think of who made every single girl feel good about themselves. I know that because they said so, of their own volition. I had friends who said to me, "Mrs. So-and-so makes everyone feel so good about themselves, all the time."

Your friends probably got genuine praise.

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