The Nine Days | Imamother

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The Nine Days

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pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:17 am

I find it fascinating how many times people will post things they refrain from doing during the nine days, and someone will add: "Do people really not xyz? I never heard of that!"

Here is a list of things my family doesn't do during the nine days:
- No showers (cold water washing of necessary body parts) except erev Shabbos
- No cutting nails (unless one is makpid to do so every erev Shabbos)
- No laundry except for children's clothes when they don't have enough (I'll throw in my own underwear if I need but won't wash just for that)
- No washing floors except for erev Shabbos
- In general minimal basic cleaning (like, I won't go washing walls if that's not part of my usual routine)
- No swimming
- No trips, we minimize travel in general, like trying to avoid a trip to the city/mountains
- No finishing up of any arts and crafts or other projects
- No fleishigs except on Shabbos. We don't make any siyumim to come out davka during the nine days either.
- DH doesn't wear freshly laundered clothes, and I try to but will step on any "new" items when I need to change.
- No shopping for new clothes or other big purchases (ex: furniture, etc.)

And everything else we don't do during the rest of the three weeks, like wear new clothes, listen to music, "dangerous" activities (ex: swimming in the ocean), and haircuts.

What are your minhagim during the nine days?

keym

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:04 am

We do like you.
Except.
1) we don't try to have a siyum, but if it comes out that way, we will have fleishigs
2) we shower in cooler water, not cold. quick and only to wash off dirt or sweat, not to freshen up and not as a schedule
3) I don't do any laundry even for the little kids shavua shchol bo- the week of Tisha bav (unless there are feces or vomit involved). So I will do a load tomorrow and that's it even for my little ones
4) we don't do needlework for enjoyment, but we can mend clothing
5) we will wash or clean floors or bathrooms as needed, not just erev Shabbos. But no big projects. No shampooing carpets or waxing floors
6) kids under 5/6 can play with sprinklers or water guns, but no pools even wading pools
7) no grape juice, even in ingredients, ices, etc
8) no Shabbos clothing. Immediately after Shabbos, we change into weekday clothes.

Genius

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:09 am

I believe there is an inyan to making siyumim davka in the nine days (my family didn’t) it’s not just about people wanting to eat steak who find a way to outsmart the system.

pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:10 am

You reminded me of more stuff:
- No grape juice or wine. Havdala for Shabbos chazon is made with beer.
- No sewing, mending, or ironing

pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:11 am

genius wrote:

I believe there is an inyan to making siyumim davka in the nine days (my family didn’t) it’s not just about people wanting to eat steak who find a way to outsmart the system.

I would love to see a source for that.

Genius

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:11 am

-no singing or cheering

keym

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:13 am

pause wrote:

You reminded me of more stuff:
- No grape juice or wine. Havdala for Shabbos chazon is made with beer.
- No sewing, mending, or ironing

Havdala my 5 year old will drink the minimum amount required

Genius

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:17 am

pause wrote:

I would love to see a source for that.

No halachic sources. In chabad and minkatch they definitely did it. (Sanza ruv may have also done it but I couldn’t confirm) if someone can help with actual sources it’ll be appreciated

SuperWify

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:48 am

Washing floors are certainly new to me!!!

Wow!!!!

We dont eat meat or go to the beach (sakanah) all 9 days except Rosh Chodesh and shabbos - so make that 7 days actually.

Contrary to the popular belief we don’t swim and shower all 9 days just Shavouh Sh Chal Bo (the week tisha bav actually falls out on). This year because it falls out on Thursday that’s a whole 5 days! Obviously the years that it falls out on Sunday are the easiest.

We all change our clothes for the week of even ladies and kids over bar/bas mitzvah.

amother

Teal

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:57 am

SuperWify wrote:

So interesting how that is broken up. My friends who are sefardi only keep mourning Halacha shevua she chal bo and rest of 9 days is like 3 weeks Halacha.

No Shabbos clothing during the week for simchos that fall out then - l’chaim, bar mitzvah, bris. (Only specific ppl allowed).

ra_mom

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:20 pm

This is fascinating! I am just curious if you send to a day camp that keeps all these chumras as well and what they do to keep the kids busy?

pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:24 pm

ra_mom wrote:

This is fascinating! I am just curious if you send to a day camp that keeps all these chumras as well and what they do to keep the kids busy?

They don't shower, cut nails, or serve fleishigs ever in day camp.

Do they avoid trips and swimming in the nine days? Absolutely.
How do they keep the kids busy? With the same activities they do all summer. The arts and crafts restriction only goes for major projects, like elaborate Sukkah stars, not for painted popsicle sticks, feathers, and glue kind of thing.

happy chick

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:28 pm

pause wrote:

In chabad, we make a siyum every night after maariv. Most shuls do. Starting r"c, through tu b'av.

ra_mom

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:32 pm

Glue and feathers only work up until a certain age and for 30 minutes. Shiur is also 30 minutes. I really am curious about activities. Bike riding, carnivals, baking, kangoo jumping, segways, performances, wet slides, creating pillows jewelry dolls...

ra_mom

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:38 pm

Interestingly, I heard that in Tosh, Montreal they make a big fleishig seuda on R"C Av during the 9 days to honor the Yartzeit of Aharon HaKohen. Everyone seems to have their own thing.

crust

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:46 pm

ra_mom wrote:

They don't do anything with water or trips.

Pause, a siyum is a very "ungenimene zach" in most chassidish circles and being more lenient before Shabbos Chazon (in terms of a quick cold shower or adding adult laundry to a children's load etc.) is also very heard of.

Other than that I'm totally with you. By erev tisha bav we're all wearing our wedding dresses.

pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:33 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Yes to all of the above except maybe segways.

pause

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:34 pm

crust wrote:

I know it's common. The question (at least for me) is what's the source.

Frumme

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:33 pm

ra_mom wrote:

This is fascinating! I am just curious if you send to a day camp that keeps all these chumras as well and what they do to keep the kids busy?

A lot of camps today have heterim to make camp more enjoyable for the kids. My mom remembers being a sleepaway camp counselor in the 80s and they were very strict then. No swimming, no laundry of any sort.

The day camp I worked in last year had a heter for the kids to swim during the 3 weeks; during 9 days, we only used splash pads/inflatable water slide.

We had meat every other day throughout camp (2 months) and had a special 9 days menu. Schnitzel tilapia instead of schnitzel chicken sort of thing.

We were allowed to play music; kids were allowed to go to their dance electives because it was considered exercise; crafts were nothing "permanent"; classrooms were cleaned thoroughly every day.

dankbar

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 11:28 pm

I remember that when I was in camp, all the fun days were reserved for the nine days because they required more time, which was available, due to no swimming.
Just when it was most exciting, we were told there were no photo shootings allowed.
Whoever dared take a shower....whoa!! Got IT!

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