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S/o anti vax cheder and shidduchim
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:00 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
Something wrong with their SB if a DH would do this without knowledge of his wife. I can say this as someone who has been in this position and observed many others going through this. Most couples figure it out between themselves one way or another.
How would you know that? Good for that DH that he did what he had to do. He's the kids' guardian the same way she is and has the same parental rights. Many antivaxxers are convinced that vaccines are poison and can't be reasoned with. I'm sure he tried to work with her before resorting to extremes.
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:02 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
The wife is a rock. A non negotiable brick. Kids were home for an extended time because she refused any compromise. DH had it. And did what he did was right. She can leave him if she so wishes, but obviously she decided to stay...


Three cheers for the dad!
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:05 pm
My Sister married someone from an antivax family. Someone in the mom's family got vaccine injured and eventually passed away, so the entire extended family is antivax. Their kids started off unvaxed, but they wanted to send to a regular school, so they do a delayed vaccine schedule when child is almost school age.
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amother




Ginger
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:05 pm
I prefer not to vax my kids. I am not gonna get into the reasons but it is something that I was always super duper quiet about until the measles came along and some ppl found out. (my closest neighbors who are major pro vax had no clue...) At this point my kids are vaxxed. I am not happy about it at all but I also feel I can't ruin my kids lives socially, etc.
Bh none of us had any problems in shidduchim in this regard, even though some of us weren't vaxxed. My sister was engaged to an extremely pro vax family during the measles epidemic and it was a source of tension but everything was fine and BH she is happily married and will vax as her and her husband are fit.

I personally feel that it's your decision and you didn't have to be so vocal about vaxing or not vaxing. It doesn't make a person.

I personally would never send to an anti vax school since I feel it will ruin my kids and make them social outcasts. The people who send went into it knowing that shidduchim may be hard or limited and that's a choice they made. It was not a choice I was willing to make.
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amother




White
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:06 pm
I don't live in the US, so I don't know many anti-vaxxers.
My relative that is having trouble with shidduchim?
She is headstrong and very stubborn. Her husband and adult kids disagree with her but toe the line to maintain the peace. At the expense of those same adult kids' future.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:40 pm
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

I personally feel that it's your decision and you didn't have to be so vocal about vaxing or not vaxing. It doesn't make a person.

A few issues:

1. those who are so anti vaxx that they won't listen to their spouse's input, as detailed above. They're irrational when it comes to vaccines and will refuse to vax no matter the consequences.

2. those who insist that everyone else has to accommodate. If you don't want to vax, that's your choice. If a school refuses to take your unvaxxed child, that's the school's choice.

Honestly the frum antivax community confuses me. I understand antivaxxers in the general population. THey're the same people who homeschool, minimize radiation/cellular exposure, EBF until their kid is three, grow their own produce, etc. When you live a lifestyle like that, no one else is affected. You're not demanding that a school take your unvaxxed kid because you'd never send your kid in the first place!

I know stereotypes don't work and I'm not saying all frum antivaxxers are like this. But too many antivaxxers insist on the rest of the community bending over to accommodate them. You shouldn't expect to have your cake and eat it too..
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:50 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
My friend's DH got frustrated with the whole anti vaxing meshugas so he took his kids to the doctor without his wife's permission and got them all vaxxed up.

Definitely something to consider if you want shalom bayis for your kids.


so did my cousin's husband. he took the kids when she was in aishes chayil after a baby.
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tweety1




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just wanted to note that the problem with shidduchim and antivax is not stigma. It's simply that people who vax don't want to have the issue of their grandchildren not being vaxxed and vice versa.

People have very strong feelings on the subject and it would not be conducive to a good marriage when spouses have such differing views on such an important health issue to their children. If this has suddenly become an issue, well, they need to deal with it. But, in new shidduchim, its understandable that just like everyone has certain criteria when looking for a spouse, that this should be important for some.

Unfortunately, since the anti vaxxers are a very tiny minority in chassidish circles, it does put those individuals in a tight spot when trying to find their bashert

It's going to have to stop being a problem cuz after this era we are in and hopefully passing many more ppl are becoming anti vax and/or the pro vaxers are becoming not so against it. I see it with myself and with so many others I speak to. If you followed my posts, boy I was I a heated pro vaxer. I didn't think that I'll ever change in this world. I promised I would make sure my mechitunim will be on the same page as I am. Well, Corona along with it's heavy politics came along, and I am questioning every single shot. I wanna know exactly what's going into my child, if it should be going into my child, etc etc. I'm not giving shots just cuz my Dr wants to make a living.
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:07 pm
tweety1 wrote:
It's going to have to stop being a problem cuz after this era we are in and hopefully passing many more ppl are becoming anti vax and/or the pro vaxers are becoming not so against it. I see it with myself and with so many others I speak to. If you followed my posts, boy I was I a heated pro vaxer. I didn't think that I'll ever change in this world. I promised I would make sure my mechitunim will be on the same page as I am. Well, Corona along with it's heavy politics came along, and I am questioning every single shot. I wanna know exactly what's going into my child, if it should be going into my child, etc etc. I'm not giving shots just cuz my Dr wants to make a living.


opppsite effect here personally because regardless of politics I've seen firsthabd how misinformation flies through a small community.
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itsmeima




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:09 pm
I would never look into a family that’s part of the anti-vax or anti-mask community.

Last edited by itsmeima on Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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newcomer




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:10 pm
If anything post covid, I think more laws will be passed. No religious exemptions, and medical exemptions will be very very difficult to obtain. I think the truly anti vax people will either truly be homeschooling their kids and keeping to themselves, or will be forced to accept these requirements.
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amother




Ginger
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:17 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
A few issues:

1. those who are so anti vaxx that they won't listen to their spouse's input, as detailed above. They're irrational when it comes to vaccines and will refuse to vax no matter the consequences.

2. those who insist that everyone else has to accommodate. If you don't want to vax, that's your choice. If a school refuses to take your unvaxxed child, that's the school's choice.

Honestly the frum antivax community confuses me. I understand antivaxxers in the general population. THey're the same people who homeschool, minimize radiation/cellular exposure, EBF until their kid is three, grow their own produce, etc. When you live a lifestyle like that, no one else is affected. You're not demanding that a school take your unvaxxed kid because you'd never send your kid in the first place!

I know stereotypes don't work and I'm not saying all frum antivaxxers are like this. But too many antivaxxers insist on the rest of the community bending over to accommodate them. You shouldn't expect to have your cake and eat it too..


Honestly there are ppl like that. I am defenitely not and BH dh and I were always on the same page, it has never been a fight or an argument at all. I also feel everyone should have a choice and if you choose to vaccinate that's fine.

Again, my kids are vaccinated today not by free choice.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:17 pm
tweety1 wrote:
Well, Corona along with it's heavy politics came along, and I am questioning every single shot. I wanna know exactly what's going into my child, if it should be going into my child, etc etc. I'm not giving shots just cuz my Dr wants to make a living.
Nothing wrong with questioning every shot. There are shots that can be skipped, chicken pox for example. That's not the same thing as being anti vax. Which is going to be a problem until Moshiach comes (hopefully very soon)
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amother




Ruby
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:25 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I know stereotypes don't work and I'm not saying all frum antivaxxers are like this. But too many antivaxxers insist on the rest of the community bending over to accommodate them. You shouldn't expect to have your cake and eat it too..


2019 was not the first time unvaccinated children were in schools. 2019 was the first time it became an issue. That implies that this is not an actual issue but just the masses being @sses. For years it was fine and then it suddenly wasn't (see mumps outbreak in 2008). In most states children can be in public schools but not Jewish schools. Jewish children are out of school and someone can sleep at night, excusing themselves with a sentence like "You shouldn't expect to have your cake and eat it too"

I am not of the opinion that vaccine hesitant people should make shidduchim with people that don't agree with them. That's a terrible idea. But the discrimination based on medical records is rishus and needs to stop now.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:27 pm
amother [ Ginger ] wrote:
Honestly there are ppl like that. I am defenitely not and BH she and I were always on the same page, it has never been a fight or an argument at all. I also feel everyone should have a choice and if you choose to vaccinate that's fine.

Again, my kids are vaccinated today not by free choice.
My kids' school unofficially accepts unvaxxed kids. I was very nervous about it during the measles outbreak. Baruch hashem they were good about quarantining any unvaxxed kids who were exposed.

At the end of the day those of us who DO vax out of choice are relying on herd immunity. If you're not going to vaxx then you need to be fully quarantining or it's just not fair.

I suspect one of my kids has vaccine-related injuries. I've tried detoxing in the past and haven't seen the gains I was hoping for. I still continue to vax because I believe the pros outweigh the cons.

Those that choose not to vax need to do their part in keeping everyone safe and not say crazy stuff like, "If vaccines work then why are you afraid of my kid coming in contact with yours, your kid should be immune." If you're that ignorant then please find a decent doctor and listen to them.

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant. I'm just saying respect goes both ways. Esp since I'm someone who in an ideal world WOULD be homeschooling my kids, growing my own veggies, and not vaxxing my kids because they wouldn't need it, they wouldn't be exposed to all this junk.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:29 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
2019 was not the first time unvaccinated children were in schools. 2019 was the first time it became an issue. That implies that this is not an actual issue but just the masses being @sses. For years it was fine and then it suddenly wasn't (see mumps outbreak in 2008). In most states children can be in public schools but not Jewish schools. Jewish children are out of school and someone can sleep at night, excusing themselves with a sentence like "You shouldn't expect to have your cake and eat it too"

I am not of the opinion that vaccine hesitant people should make shidduchim with people that don't agree with them. That's a terrible idea. But the discrimination based on medical records is rishus and needs to stop now.
As the number of unvaxed kids grows it's impacting herd immunity. Especially since many antivaxxers in the community are ignorant and don't do the necessary steps such as quarantining when exposed.

It's not rishus to keep the rest of the student body protected. It's achrayus.
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newcomer




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:32 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
As the number of unvaxed kids grows it's impacting herd immunity. Especially since many antivaxxers in the community are ignorant and don't do the necessary steps such as quarantining when exposed.

It's not rishus to keep the rest of the student body protected. It's achrayus.

Like I said before, I fully expect laws to be passed as soon as there is an official covid vaccine. And they will be enforced. So this won't be an issue at that point, the Jewish schools will have to follow the law.. (Whoever wins the presidential election.)


Last edited by newcomer on Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:32 pm
When I say "you can't have your cake and eat it too," I mean you can't make your choices and expect everyone else to roll over and accommodate. Listen to their concerns and figure out how you can win them over. Calling people reshayim because they're concerned how your not vaxxing impacts others is just not the way.
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amother




Ruby
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:33 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
As the number of unvaxed kids grows it's impacting herd immunity. Especially since many antivaxxers in the community are ignorant and don't do the necessary steps such as quarantining when exposed.

It's not rishus to keep the rest of the student body protected. It's achrayus.


Achrayus? That's the health departments job when there is an outbreak and they do a pretty good job of it as well.

Kicking children out of school is rishus.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 10:34 pm
newcomer wrote:
Like I said before, I fully expect laws to be passed as soon as there is an official covid vaccine. And they will be enforced. So this won't be an issue at that point, the Jewish schools will have to follow the law.. (Whoever wins the presidential election.)
I meant quarantining from the measles, not covid. But that's true too.
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