Dd and tznius at home

amother

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 11:23 am

Dd, age 13, sometimes has a hard time with tznius from a comfort point of view. She loves to walk around in leggings and short sleeve T's or tanks, and when she's wearing a skirt of robe, she's not great about noticing or taking care that it should stay down. She wears what she needs to outside the home (and agrees that it's the right thing) but home is comfort city.

The problem is that my younger dc just got a frum male therapist who comes to the house multiple times a week and stays for multiple hours. They go all over the house, including the main floor and the upstairs floor, and that's necessary for the therapy. Dd feels like her home isn't a comfortable home anymore, because she can't change into her comfy clothes when she comes home from school and can't walk around in her pajamas on Sunday morning- she has to get dressed to leave her room. She's starting to react by wearing what she wants anyway, and then feels bad about it. And no, the times aren't changeable, and no extra comfy robe can replace the freedom of leggings and a tank top for her.

Ideas?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 11:26 am

Im sorry...as a teen (and honestly, even now as an adult sometimes) I really needed the space to let it out a little and just be very comfortable...t shirts and leggings kinda thing...
I dont really have a suggestion. Just saying I really understand your daughter

Rappel

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 11:27 am

Really? A fluffy bathrobe isn't helpful? I have one that's plush with a hood, bright purple. It's my wearable blanket.

Hmmm... Bribery?

How often does your DS's therapist come over? I'm assuming it's a set of hours in the week?

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 11:30 am

Lol, maybe turn the heat down a bit. I know I'd be way too cold to walk around with just a tank top in winter. Love my stretchy, fleece hoodies (CuddleDud brand), first thing I do when I come home from work is change into one. So soft and comfy.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 11:57 am

No advice just sympathizing with your dd, it’s hard to not be comfortable on your own home.

Can your ds therapy stay more in one area so she can have her own space to be comfortable?

Elfrida

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 12:19 pm

How about a long slinky skirt over or instead of the leggings? It's not the same, but will still be loose and comfortable and allow for full freedom of movement.

And in the middle of winter it shouldn't be too much of a hardship to wear a long sleeved t-shirt.

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 12:24 pm

No advice but I feel for your daughter. This is how I've felt for a year now w/ corona. I used to be home alone for hours every day, able to dress as I please. Now kids are home always, husband is home always... I want my house back to myself so I can "let it all hang out".

Chickensoupprof

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:14 pm

DD should be feel comfortable in her home u can tell her to be Tznius when the therapist is in your home. My SIL walks in shorts and a tanktop when we once slept at her house its her house and she is with her brother who basically bath her as a child.
There are some people I know who let their teen walk in pyjama trousers with a night robe while my DH is there, and teens who are not wearing stockings at home. This were all JPF/litivsh families.

amother

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:23 pm

So dd is an athletic and dance type. Robes and maxis are definitely what she wears when she's outside or on Shabbos, etc. But at home in a regular day, it's too much fabric- she wants to be free. If she could, she would dress like she was at the gym all the time. In fact, she uses much of the house like a gym or studio often, which she also can't do easily with the therapist around. So a cozy robe or maxi skirt is comfy, but it's not the feel she's looking for.

Good to know so many people relate. I think that she's just partly resenting one more inconvenience of her sibling having the needs he has. Yes, the therapist is here often. And he needs to be. They are often in his room, with the door open, and she has to walk by it to get to the bathroom or downstairs from her room. Or they're in the kitchen or living room, which are open to the whole floor.

amother

Gray

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:52 pm

What about a short skirt over leggings and soft long sleeve thin shirt (recently got cuddl duds brand tee shirts from Macy’s to wear under scrubs and they are insanely comfy).
I literally feel the need to change out of skirts the minute I get home and can’t stand sweaters and dressed up tops around the house and this is how I compromise. Legging under short pencil or a line skirt and soft long sleeve tees all day every day.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 1:55 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Agree, cuddleduds loungewear is the best! I wear their soft t-shirts as a pajama top, you feel like you aren't wearing anything! Definitely more comfortable than a tank top, the straps mostly dig into your shoulders.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 3:20 pm

No advice either but echoing other imas-as soon as I get home from work or whenever I’m done leaving the house for the day, my clothes (and snood or shaitel) come right off and into leggings I go! right now I just have a little toddler but I’m always annoyed if someone comes over for whatever reason and I need to get dressed lol. Don’t know what I’m going to do once realize life hits and I’ll have to be dressed more 😭

amother

Jade

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 3:26 pm

I understand. I have a DD who walks around our house in leggings and a sports bra when it is just us girls home. My DH calls on his way home and that is when I warn her that Daddy’s almost home, put something on, and trust me, it is not a long constructing robe or maxi skirt.
I don’t have any advice, just empathy.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 3:29 pm

tante_feige wrote:

She just lost her safe space... poor kid.

I would restrict the therapy to specific rooms so that your daughter has space to walk freely. It's her home, too.

Agreed. Have the therapist pick downstairs or upstairs. Her needs matter too.

trixx

Sun, Feb 14 2021, 3:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Good to know so many people relate. I think that she's just partly resenting one more inconvenience of her sibling having the needs he has.

Perhaps addressing this aspect instead of offering solutions is the way to go.