How many bathrooms

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:36 am

I grew up with 12 siblings (so 15 people), 2 bathrooms (one with tub/shower). You learn to deal with it.

My own family, when we were living in an apartment, we were 9 people with 1 bathroom. We did put a curtain to separate the shower portion from the toilet part at one point to make things easier.

Now we are 12 people with 5 bathrooms (only 2 work properly, and only one tub/shower works, but we can use the others in a pinch).

Many people here seem to subscribe to the "poverty is dysfunction" mentality.

Teomima

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:36 am

Family of 6, 1.5 baths, separate laundry room. It's a headache, and there's nothing we can do about it, no way to improve the situation. I just wish the 1/2 was an en suite, so dh and I could have at least a little privacy sometimes. Alas, it is not meant to be.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:26 am

We are 8 people with one bathroom. I wake up my first child in the morning, and then 2 minutes later, wake up the next, then 2 minutes later, the next. That way they each have a turn to use the bathroom when they wake up.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:43 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Many people here seem to subscribe to the "poverty is dysfunction" mentality.

Yes!! So often on this site.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:45 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

B.C.

Which of your siblings would you prefer had not been born? Are you volunteering?

Crookshanks

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:15 pm

Our tenants used to knock on our door occasionally to use our bathroom. (Husband in the bathroom, little boy needed). We never minded.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 12:58 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

This was never discussed, and who knows, maybe they're weren't all happy with this. But it's not dysfunctional. None of my siblings would ever call our parents dysfunctional for having 2 bathrooms. That's absurd.

You sound really defensive. Maybe for your family it was ok but for her family it was dysfunctional. We are a family of six and two bathrooms would be problematic. One bathroom would be dysfunctional.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 1:05 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

No. Not commiserating, not looking for solutions, or attacking the child for being distressed would be dysfunctional. Having less bathrooms than desired is not dysfunctional.

(Although, of course, dysfunction can ACCOMPANY any amount of bathrooms, from zero on up.)

amother

Lavender

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:25 pm

This thread reminds me of the time a meshulach came to our shul. Our rav told the shul "everyone who can please help this man. He has ten children and one bedroom apt"

Then one of the men in our shul who is socially off retorts "rabbi that's not a problem. I know someone who has ten bedrooms and no children"

Dysfunction is a product of the emotional environment created in the home. If there is 1 bathroom and no sympathy or care for the person who needs to go while it's occupied that's dysfunctional.

If there is some sort of validation and love then it's a different story "sorry sweetie. Use your muscles we will get you in there soon" or "let me walk you quick to grandma's" or "the weather is nice and our hydrangeas can use a little watering"

amother

Olive

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:31 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

Many people here seem to subscribe to the "poverty is dysfunction" mentality.

At some point poverty can become dysfunction. For example, if you don't have enough to eat.

The other poster with ten siblings and one (or two?) bathrooms experienced it as dysfunctional. Dysfunction is a broad term. It doesn't always have to mean serious child neglect.

I think people could have been more empathetic to her. She said members of her family would sit for an hour in the bathroom. I think most of us here can use the bathroom when we want, and don't even know how it feels to constantly have to wait for an hour plus just to get into the bathroom.

She also said her parents chose not to add another bathroom even though they could have. It seems they didn't understand her needs.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:49 pm

my in laws have 9 kids so 11 people now some are married and come with spouses and kids and 1 bathroom!!!!
my husband and sibs are really fine with..
but I hate going cos of that.

amother

Puce

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:49 pm

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

my in laws have 9 kids so 11 people now some are married and come with spouses and kids and 1 bathroom!!!!
my husband and sibs are really fine with..
but I hate going cos of that.

that's not functional lol

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:51 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Dysfunction is a broad term. It doesn't always have to mean serious child neglect.

I think dysfunction is actually a very serious, harsh, judgmental term. I think people should be careful about using it.

amother

Olive

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 2:55 pm

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

I think dysfunction is actually a very serious, harsh, judgmental term. I think people should be careful about using it.

I looked up the word and the first definition that popped up on google was:
deviation from the norms of social behavior in a way regarded as bad

I think having one or two bathroom for 12 people, when some of those have bathroom issues, could be considered as a deviation from the norms of modern Western society's social behavior.

Sure it was fine 50 years ago, but outhouses were also fine once.

(I am not blaming the parents here. Parents can't always fix every problem. But it's not fair to say it's not a problem at all, especially if the kids experienced it as such).

abmom

Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:22 pm

We're 6 ppl with one bathroom. It's hard. We b"h outgrew our current apartment and we're looking for something bigger in a normal price range. For now we try to be happy with what we do have. Calling something like this dysfunctional is not fair. It's uncomfortable, but we don't have to have everything going our ways.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Mar 03 2021, 1:17 am

It may be interesting to note that OSHA standards (for adults working full-time in a building) are 1 toilet per 15 workers. Recommended numbers for rentals (for weddings, for example) are 1 toilet for 25 guests.