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How do kollel wives do it?
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:31 pm
Fox wrote:
Everybody says it but few believe it: parnosseh comes from Hashem.

DH learned in kollel for 9 years, and only afterward did we experience true, overwhelming financial problems. Do whatever hishtadlus you can, but remember that Hashem is really in charge.

So true! I've heard this so many times from various people. And it doesnt matter how many years - my friends husband was in kollel for 20 years before he went to work and she said she never owed a penny in all the years he was in kollel!
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amother




Clear
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:37 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
Finances aren't easy. Remember parnassah comes from Hashem - we just do our part. If I told you my 2 jobs, you would laugh. They're both considered low paying jobs. But somehow they add to make this work. And I live pretty normally - new clothing, shaitels etc.

There's no question that there is tremendous siyata dishmaya. That's not to say some kollel families don't struggle financially. We make many daily decisions that trace back to our kollel decision. But lots of working father families struggle too.

Hatzlacha!


Do you get reductions? My sister says this all the time and I’m like yes. Her kids get two new outfits each season from a Gemach and she has minimum 30% off in every store in town. Before YT they get many discounts as well. So Bh she has money for Shaitel’s. My aunts all give her their beautiful hand me downs (I don’t have a doona but she got one from our aunt, we had a baby the same month me first) .

(I fargin and Iyh put aside money monthly to help when her kids get married. I just think it’s important to discuss the whole picture when you’re anonymous and you can)

Also, a huge piece is the expectations that kollel
families Don’t have on them- ppl don’t expect large amounts of tzedaka, rebbeim don’t expect big tips. Machatonim don’t expect big simchas or weddings.

Op specifically- Living in a cheaper area makes a huge difference. We can’t move to Lakewood because of DH job but that’s a big game changer. We’d be comfortable there here we are middle class just about and haven’t bought a house. Rent and higher babysitting/ cost of food are all steady expenses that eat our salaries before we spent a dime.
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amother




DarkGreen
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:37 pm
Fox wrote:
Everybody says it but few believe it: parnosseh comes from Hashem.

DH learned in kollel for 9 years, and only afterward did we experience true, overwhelming financial problems. Do whatever hishtadlus you can, but remember that Hashem is really in charge.


Can I 'like' this like 1,000 times?
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amother




Hyacinth
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:37 pm
But how!!! It's so frustrating when ppl say it's from hashem!! Of course it's all from Hashem but how how how did He send the money! I think it would give a lot more chizzuk if ppl specified where the money actually came from in the end
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:40 pm
amother [ Clear ] wrote:
Do you get reductions? My sister says this all the time and I’m like yes. Her kids get two new outfits each season from a Gemach and she has minimum 30% off in every store in town. Before YT they get many discounts as well. So Bh she has money for Shaitel’s. My aunts all give her their beautiful hand me downs (I don’t have a doona but she got one from our aunt, we had a baby the same month me first) .

(I fargin and Iyh put aside money monthly to help when her kids get married. I just think it’s important to discuss the whole picture when you’re anonymous and you can)

Also, a huge piece is the expectations that kollel
families Don’t have on them- ppl don’t expect large amounts of tzedaka, rebbeim don’t expect big tips. Machatonim don’t expect big simchas or weddings.

Op specifically- Living in a cheaper area makes a huge difference. We can’t move to Lakewood because of DH job but that’s a big game changer. We’d be comfortable there here we are middle class just about and haven’t bought a house. Rent and higher babysitting/ cost of food are all steady expenses that eat our salaries before we spent a dime.


I don't have any of those reductions or gemachs. I bought my own Doona - it was on sale and I had a few gifts from the same store that I didn't need so those credits went towards that. I don't have percent off in any stores in town....and no one gives me their old clothes.
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amother




Daisy
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:40 pm
Fox wrote:
Everybody says it but few believe it: parnosseh comes from Hashem.

DH learned in kollel for 9 years, and only afterward did we experience true, overwhelming financial problems. Do whatever hishtadlus you can, but remember that Hashem is really in charge.


What came first, the chicken or the egg?
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:41 pm
amother [ Hyacinth ] wrote:
But how!!! It's so frustrating when ppl say it's from hashem!! Of course it's all from Hashem but how how how did He send the money! I think it would give a lot more chizzuk if ppl specified where the money actually came from in the end


I don't know. Honestly, I don't. Sometimes He sends great opportunities to earn money easily and quickly. I don't count all of the pennies - I leave some room for Hashem to work His plan. And sometimes we struggle and I daven harder and increase my emunah as much as I can.

And I live simply. I do without many things.
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amother




DarkGreen
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 8:43 pm
Kollel wife here for a lot more than a decade bh. We live frugally, don't do a lot of extras, and I work full time. I worked for a good few years before marriage and worked like a dog specifically to save up. So we used that money for a down payment on a house. We did not get a cent of help from either side for buying our home.

amother [ Clear ] wrote:
Do you get reductions? My sister says this all the time and I’m like yes. Her kids get two new outfits each season from a Gemach and she has minimum 30% off in every store in town. Before YT they get many discounts as well. So Bh she has money for Shaitel’s. My aunts all give her their beautiful hand me downs (I don’t have a doona but she got one from our aunt, we had a baby the same month me first) .


No, we do not get free clothing or discounts on local stores where I am. We do have DWD sales, where you can buy one shabbos dress per child for a discounted rate, and shabbos shoes for $35. But for everything else, we're on our own. Nobody gives me beautiful hand me downs. Much of my family is in kollel, though some aren't, but nobody gets that. Maybe we just don't have rich aunts lol.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:02 pm
.
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amother




Oatmeal
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:06 pm
amother [ Hyacinth ] wrote:
But how!!! It's so frustrating when ppl say it's from hashem!! Of course it's all from Hashem but how how how did He send the money! I think it would give a lot more chizzuk if ppl specified where the money actually came from in the end


Whenever we thought our expenses were about to go up and we wouldn't be able to cover them, either expenses increased or income decreased. For example, when covid started, our babysitting costs disappeared because we had no childcare, and then restarted but at a lower rate (while I was working remotely and didn't need a babysitter for commute times). I have freelance work that I do on the side, which can sometimes increase so we have an extra hundred dollars when we need. DH found a tutoring job that fit his kollel schedule. Food boxes for covid cut down our food costs by a lot.
These are some examples of how Hashem sent us what we needed when we needed it.
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:14 pm
I had the incredible zchus to support my husband in learning for almost 2 decades! I worked very hard - had a job in tech...it was the greatest honor to do it. Was it hard, yes yes yes but it was a labor of love so that enabled me to do it. Looking back, I don't even know how I managed when the kids were little, and I had hard pregnancies and also nursed all my babies so pumping was hard. We did not have support financially from others, and it felt so good to do it on our own! I can write a book of the open nissim that we saw with money coming from practically nowhere!! If there's a will, Hashem will pave the way!
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amother




Lightpink
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:18 pm
I'm actually a little scared to leave kollel life because of the plentitude of bracha that is showered our way.
My husband learns in a morning kollel, day kollel, and night kollel. He brings in enough b"H to cover our mortgage. We saved up for 9 years, plus didn't touch our wedding money or tax refunds each year, to save up for a down payment. We also received a yerusha which helped. I work half day in a well paying position for my field, so that cuts babysitting expenses bc it's not full day. I send to a babysitting group which is cheaper. We get kollel rate tuition, which was negotiated even lower b"H. We send to headstart when we can, get SNAP, WIC, and Medicaid. I have the ability to work more if I wanted, and to bring in double my salary to get off those programs, but I honestly want to be home for my kids. It's definitely not going to be forever, but it helps for now while they're young (no bashing, please. I need to be home for my kids in the afternoon, you can't knock me for wanting that right now).
We own our car, which is old; we don't go on vacation, out to eat; we get hand-me-downs for most clothes, and what we do buy for the children are mostly from target. If we buy clothes or shoes for ourselves, we look for high quality that will last for years. It's hard, not gonna lie. But I find it's so worth it, B"H.
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amother




Cappuccino
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:19 pm
My husband has been in kollel for 5+ years. I work 25 hours a week and he works a little on the side at night.
Our income is 90k+ We don’t get outside support. We have enough money for whatever we need and lots of extras bh.
Just because you’re in kollel doesn’t automatically mean you’re poor or frugal…
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:50 pm
im in my cfy I cant leave this placement
60$ sounds like a lot but it really isnt
I live in far rockaway and even in queens rent is at least 2000$

fridays wouldnt make a difference. school is only 3 hours
I cant work more hours bc there are no afternoon babysitters by me
when I was pregnant I worked 9-5 everyday and then drove 2 hours home in traffic

I cut my hours this year once I had my baby
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:52 pm
many of you are saying hashem provides its all siyata dishmaya but im asking tachlis how do people pay rent, insurance, car insurance, gas, groceries etc

I was on unemployment this summer bc my yeshiva didnt have enough summer cases for any of the therapists. I havent even received a penny from unemployment were literally living penny to penny now until my paycheck comes in next month
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 9:54 pm
amother [ Milk ] wrote:
How many hours do you work? Do you work summers? Do you have a lot of vacations throughout the year?

Many therapists work part time and seem shocked they don't make a full time salary. Could be your friends are working way more hours. Could be they get help. Maybe their husband's bring in some money on the side. Take a better look at how much you really work and see if you can change that.


I would have loved to work summer but my agency didnt give us cases all the therapists file for unemployment
I dont have any vacations except for the YT when yeshiva is off
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 10:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
many of you are saying hashem provides its all siyata dishmaya but im asking tachlis how do people pay rent, insurance, car insurance, gas, groceries etc

I was on unemployment this summer bc my yeshiva didnt have enough summer cases for any of the therapists. I havent even received a penny from unemployment were literally living penny to penny now until my paycheck comes in next month


Kollel wives work like anyone else does. Some kollel families have it easier than others. Tachlis, Hashem is in charge of parnassah. We try our best. Trust me there were times when I was in your shoes and felt kind of hopeless. There are other times when things are looking better. It is all Hashem whether you're in kollel or not.

Hashem should turn your fortune and give you everything you need plus, plus!
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amother




Geranium
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 10:02 pm
Just wanted to put this out there- we get tax refunds, meaning most tax gets returned. Since we make little. This means kids get free health insurance, ours is cheap. We have one car. DHs kollel pays for tuition (2 kids) and rent and takes it off his paycheck. This way his money isn’t taxed bc it’s so little. OOT kollel so he gets paid well for kollel bH.
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amother




Geranium
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 10:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
many of you are saying hashem provides its all siyata dishmaya but im asking tachlis how do people pay rent, insurance, car insurance, gas, groceries etc

I was on unemployment this summer bc my yeshiva didnt have enough summer cases for any of the therapists. I havent even received a penny from unemployment were literally living penny to penny now until my paycheck comes in next month

We’ve had a lot of moments where we get money that is clearly a gift from Hashem. Like random donors donating to the Lille so we get a couple hundred extra, etc.
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amother




Sienna
 

Post Thu, Oct 14 2021, 10:05 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
I don't know. Honestly, I don't. Sometimes He sends great opportunities to earn money easily and quickly. I don't count all of the pennies - I leave some room for Hashem to work His plan. And sometimes we struggle and I daven harder and increase my emunah as much as I can.

And I live simply. I do without many things.


Can you specify what you do without?
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