Badeken conversation

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 1:07 pm

I come from a heimish, chassidish background.
The first time I saw a joyful chuppa was by my close friend. Her family is very litvish, her father is a Rosh yeshiva of one of the most litvish yeshivos around.
She was clutching a tehillim and davening fervently when the chosson started coming in. Her mother tapped her urgently and said, "Chaya, he's coming, smile!!" And she quickly looked up and gave him the brightest smile. He smiled at her too.
That's when I learned that by litvish/yeshivish people, the chosson and kalla greet each other with a smile.

amother

Begonia

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 1:11 pm

my husband (litvish) said אחותי את תהי לאלפי רבבה and another passuk I cant remember lol

essie14

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:19 pm

We saw each other and took pictures before the chupah so the badeken wasn't our "first look" . it was still supremely joyous and very exciting. All our friends were cheering. After he put the veil on me, our parents benched me , and then everyone danced DH to the chupah with his parents, as is done at DL weddings in Israel. I love rewatching that part of our video. So much fun and such joy.

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:23 pm

amother Pistachio wrote:

My husband would remember word for word but probably you look beautiful, I love you etc. the usual. The only serious badekens I’ve been to are chassidish (which I am not)

Your husband said I love you? Did you know him a long time?

My husband said you look beautiful.
I think he was told to say it Wink

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:33 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Your husband said I love you? Did you know him a long time?

My husband said you look beautiful.
I think he was told to say it Wink

I didn’t know him for particularly long time (isn’t long or short subjective terms?) but we were definitely in love

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:47 pm

Did anyone wear a dek tichel-I’m not Chassidish but we keep the minhagim so being that I wore a thick opaque veil I was essentially blind I couldn’t see dh or anything else so it wasn’t particularly romantic until it came off

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:51 pm

My husband said you look beautiful, I’m so excited, and man this week was so crazy!! How did you hold up?

My sister and a bunch of close friends had gotten Covid and he knew about it

amother

Mint

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 2:58 pm

amother Coral wrote:

Chofetz Chaim has a minhag to do a slow song and a serene badeken. Otherwise, litvaks have done lively for as long as I can remember (my first wedding I was at was about 40 years ago). I actually didn't want to talk- I was very emotional and in the moment of everything and davening and havjng kavanos. But my dh wanted to joke with me, so we did for a few seconds. And, honestly, there was logistical veil back and forth- "How do I- Is this ok?" "It's good."

Note- we had eidei badeken. It was very important to the mesader kedushin, because there's an opinion that this is the wedding. I have seen chassan and kallah speaking and joking under the chuppah lately too.

May I ask who you are referring to when you say "chofetz chaim has a minhag" ?

amother

Purple

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:02 pm

I couldn't hear a word bc the music was too loud but after I asked him and he said I love you and something else or 2, I was like aww so sweet wish I heard it at the time
(no he didn't mean the real love that comes after marriage but he was waiting to say it to me bc during engagement he didn't think it was appropriate to express too many feelings)

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:03 pm

amother Mint wrote:

May I ask who you are referring to when you say "chofetz chaim has a minhag" ?

I think she means the CC community

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:04 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

My husband said you look beautiful, I’m so excited, and man this week was so crazy!! How did you hold up?

My sister and a bunch of close friends had gotten Covid and he knew about it

Did you not speak that week?

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:04 pm

[quote="amother Purple"]I couldn't hear a word bc the music was too loud but after I asked him and he said I love you and something else or 2, I was like aww so sweet wish I heard it at the time
(no he didn't mean the real love that comes after marriage but he was waiting to say it to me bc during engagement he didn't think it was appropriate to express too many feelings)[/quote]

Amother pistachio, this.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:15 pm

We were just talking about this the other day. I’m chassidish and yes our badekens are pretty solemn. Sometimes the kallah and chosson will smile at each other for a second before he puts the veil on, but otherwise it’s a very serious matzav.
My sister and I were just saying that the joy by non chassidish badekens is so nice. It’s a joyous time! Why shouldn’t everyone be dancing and singing and smiling. You could be serious and somber and daven under the chuppah. It’s the first time the couple is seeing each other in a while, I think it’s beautiful when the badeken is happy and lively.

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 3:17 pm

amother Pistachio wrote:

Did you not speak that week?

We’ll found out on Thursday and wedding was Sunday. We were told we should text and if necessary talk to arrange. We def texted way more than necessary Smile

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 4:43 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

Your husband said I love you? Did you know him a long time?

My husband said you look beautiful.
I think he was told to say it Wink

Many couples say I love you before they get married? My husband said it way before we got married. He told me before we got engaged. And Im glad that he did so that I knew how he felt.
I think it is pretty standard to tell the person you are dating that you love them. Obviously different for people who are set up and dont actually date.

amother

Beige

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 5:18 pm

My husband gave me a bracha. He was told to. I was waiting for him to say I look beautiful and he never did Sad

Not in the yichud room either. And I told him I loved him and he said “you think you do”. I was so insulted. BH we have a great marriage and he tells me he loves me all the time. When I ask him about this he says he doesn’t remember.

amother

Hibiscus

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 5:20 pm

Got married in e"y. Very serious badeken. I sat alone on a chair, my parents holding my hands. My husband was walked in by his parents and rebbeim behind him. It was a very emotional time

I dont remember what DH said!! I think a bracha and how nice I looked

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 5:35 pm

Yeshivish Lakewood, 8 years ago.

He walked up dancing with such joy, and the biggest smile. He took the veil and said four words before he covered my face.

“I’ll see you soon”

I just burst out laughing. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

Not_in_my_town

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 5:57 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

In the chasidishe world the chasan covers the kallah with the dek tichel. (Not sure what they do if chupaas niddah)

You wore it before your chassan came in?
Interesting. Which community?