Do you discuss before lending money

amother

Olive

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 7:53 pm

Whose bank account is it sitting in, and what is money in that account for?

amother

Leaf

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 7:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would you lend $400 without discussing it with your spouse?

NOPPPE!!
All money is shared. All accounts are shared. No no no.

ittsamother

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 7:59 pm

If it was under $100 and I had a reasonable expectation of it being paid back, I might not discuss, I would just fill him in after the fact. Anything more than that I definitely would run it by him first. It's shared money.

amother

Strawberry

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:01 pm

If its a neighbor borrowing it for a day because they needed cash that moment I dont think id say something if it didnt come up, but if its for longer than a day or 2 I definitely would.

amother

Sage

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:02 pm

We discuss because $400 I relatively big amount for us

If $400 was like $20 to us meaning we had so much more than that, we wouldn’t discuss

happy chick

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:11 pm

I would ask husband, not necessarily vs versa. Husband is the one responsible for finances, if he trusts the person, I can trust him too. When it's a larger sum, anything over 1,000, he asks first.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:37 pm

Honestly I’ve never been asked to loan money

Eta: I didn’t realize this was a thing people did

amother

Chicory

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:42 pm

I wouldn’t ASK dDH’s permission, but I would discuss/inform him. All $ is shared. I would expect the same curtesy from him.

Neither one of us makes unilateral decisions and we most certainly don’t keep secrets.

small bean

Mon, Sep 18 2023, 8:46 pm

My husband does all finances, so I would ask if it's okay. My husband lends money all the time and I'm not aware of the details because I don't care. I trust him to take care of me and my kids.

amother

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 7:31 am

amother Olive wrote:

Whose bank account is it sitting in, and what is money in that account for?

Joint account. We have always run things by each other when spending an amount like this. No, lending money is not a typical thing we do, this was the first time. He laughed it off when I was upset when I found out. Saying it wouldn't bother him if I did it, so it shouldn't bother me.

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 8:01 am

Dh takes care of it, we both work joint account but he manages it knows if we have extra in savings to loan. We have relatives who need our help from time to time the "loans" really end up being donations... so if we loan we don't expect it back say loan so they feel better about it.

amother

Bergamot

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 8:03 am

amother OP wrote:

If your finances are tight to the degree that $400 is a lot of money (I’m in this position) then he really should run it by you. I would be so upset.

If you have enough money that $400 isn’t that big a deal then the threshold for him needing to discuss it with you would be higher.

amother

Firethorn

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 8:05 am

If it bothers you then it does. You can realize that he didn't do this deliberately. As you see here different approaches work for different people.
Tell him calmly and nonjudgmental that you have thought about it and you both have things as does everyone that bothers one and not the other. And you are asking him in the future to let you know. You realize that he did it because he would be okay with it so give him the courtesy of letting him know how you feel and would appreciate a different approach for the future.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 8:18 am

I handle the finances so my dh would discuss to the extent of "is $400 available right now for a loan or from maaser (assuming we might not get it back)" but I trust him to decide if the loan overall is a good idea or not. If someone asked me, I would discuss it with him because I'm more emotional around finances and weigh more pros and cons but I don't think anyone has asked me for a loan since getting married

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 8:55 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

Why should you get the money back if it's returned but maaser suffer the loss of it isn't?
Or are you lending to someone poor?

amother

Jade

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 10:02 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

Why should you get the money back if it's returned but maaser suffer the loss of it isn't?
Or are you lending to someone poor?

Not the amother you asked, but we had a situation where someone asked DH if he can borrow money (don't recall the amount, it was over $500 but under $1500) and DH wasn't sure if he was in a position to pay it back. He asked our Rav who said that we can count it as maaser, and if he does return it, then we have to give the money he returned back to maaser.

amother

Tan

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 10:10 am

DH used to lend money left right and center, in particular to our neighbors. Usually without even bothering to inform me in advance. So I went to the bank and put a block on our joint account so that any transfer of over 1000 shekels requires both of our signatures. He was livid, but I was glad I did it. Just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean I've forfeited my right to know what's going on with our bank account.

amother

Oxfordblue

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 10:17 am

My husband handles our finances and I don’t get involved. He once asked me how I would feel about it when one of his siblings who doesn’t like me and is open about it asked to borrow a large amount. Aside for that one time I’m usually unaware of who he lends to.
If someone’s asks to borrow a small amount of cash let’s say to pay their cleaning lady I’ll lend to them. If it’s bigger than that I’ll ask them to go to my husband.

amother

Peony

Tue, Sep 19 2023, 10:20 am

amother Tan wrote:

Did it work or did he just start doing multiple smaller withdrawals?