I'm not good at running an efficient home

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:33 pm

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who has trouble running an organized and efficient home and struggles with my daily schedule and keeping the house running smoothly.

Some background:

I have a few little kids BH including a baby and work about 20 hours a week. This is my first year not working full time (not by choice - it's a long story but I will most likely need to increase my hours again in the near future)

I was soooo excited about working part time and finally not running around like a crazy person with hungry, tired kids straight from school and no time to go to appointments, let alone make dinner or just play with my kids!

I am feeling so down and disappointed about how my year is going in terms of productivity. While I am thrilled to finally not have to send a baby out a full day and I appreciate that aspect a lot, I feel like now I have more time why am I just as harried as I used to be and struggling with basic everyday things like fitting in appointments and normal balanced dinners or even making myself a proper lunch. Making shabbos fills me with dread every week (the planning, shopping and cooking!).

Yes my baby is not so easy and always wants to be held, yes I have another child now so more things to fit in, yes I am still working majority of the time my children are out of the house but still...is it normal to struggle so much with the basics like grocery shopping, cooking, appointments, cleaning?

For example, today I got home with my baby at around 1:15. I spent the next half hour/45 min changing her and getting her to sleep. I fixed myself a quick lunch and ate for a few minutes. Meanwhile I'm already feeling stressed that we desperately need groceries and dinner needs to be made before my other kids come home from school (it's impossible to cook with everyone home) and they will be home in an hour. But it's also a wreck and I know I will be more calm when my kids get home if its a bit neater so I run around straightening up. Then I have a half hour and still didn't start dinner...then my baby wakes up and I can't do anything. I hold her and play with her for a little then it's already time to get the bigger kids.

Where did my whole afternoon go??? This happens day after day! I feel like everyone around me has it together and has their shabbos prepared days in advance, and everything so organized. Please give my some insight on how I can make things run more smoothly and not always so last minute and not prepared.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:48 pm

I work from home, with my baby home with me - not really by choice - I can’t find a babysitter that works with my schedule and is competent…
So the way I do it - I have cleaning help 3x week. It’s cheaper than therapy lol
I have all age kids and can’t do everything and be everywhere
I also use Walmart plus (delivery) for almost all my groceries (except chicken, meat, dairy, paper goods, kids snack bags - things that can only get in Jewish stores)
Only way I manage!

amother

Daylily

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 4:55 pm

Plan grocery shopping twice a week. Once on a Sunady-Monday for the week and another for Wednesday- Thursday for Shabbos supplies.

Make a routine of when cleaning gets done and laundry gets washed and folded.

Take the brainwork out of it all so that there is a rythem.

Keep shabbos prep to a minimal. I only make 3 things somtimes. Fish, Chicken soup and Cholent. Other weeks, when I have time, I make challos, dips, kugel, chicken, veg, dessert, egg, liver, salad etc.

Growing

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 5:32 pm

don't beat yourself up
that is so normal

a baby takes up a bulk of time + mental emotional physical energy

being a good worker takes the same

on top of that you're a wife and mother to other kids

whoa!

practical advice:
think of the one thing that if if you'd get to or if you wouldn't struggle would be a total game changer.
figure out how to arrange that.
after six-eight months do it again

Hang in there
these years pass quickly
noone will remember how organized or clean your home was
your smile your focused attention your calm - that's what your kids will take with them

amother

Carnation

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 6:27 pm

Omg same I could’ve written this post op! Lol I mean some details differ but I don’t feel like I’m on top of things and it’s hard bh.
Someone on this site on a different thread recommended the book “how to keep house while drowning” by kc Davis. I listened to some things from her on a podcast before shelling out the money for the book, maybe you can find it in ur local library for free. It was very valuable to me. There are a few parts that may not be sensitive to frum readers however.
Basically, I’ve had to learn to let go a lot and talk to myself in a nicer way. Not compare myself to others, realize the brachos in my life, not take things for granted.
I do think everything comes at the right time, like from when I heard of her book till when I read it was like 6 months later, I thought why do I need some feel good book? lol it’s not tho, she’s in the mental health field and it’s really worth it.
I think it comes down to priotizing and streamlining. Like making simple or even frozen dinners instead of gourmet, bathing kids every other day if that’s what u can handle, like make the household demands run around ur capabilities not based on some societal ideal.
Good luck!

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 7:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m the same Op.Sounds normal to me.

amother

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 7:07 pm

Thank you everyone for your compassionate replies!

I guess that is where I am getting stuck - the lack of clear goals. Meaning if I scheduled it on my phone 1-2 is taking care of baby time 2-2:30 is meal planning time etc I would feel more at peace with how my day goes because I would have a dedicated time to do specific tasks and not get stuck in where-do-I-start-first paralysis. But the nature of having a little baby is that even if they are on some sort of schedule your day still has a lot of unknowns based on how well they sleep/their mood etc and it's so hard to plan your day that way.

So ladiesss what are your tips for making sure the necessary things get done on a consistent basis (and I am not talking about extras like baking) just basic meal planning, cooking, cleaning, appointments and making shabbos bisimcha not last second running to light candles during the 18 minutes.

mushkamothers

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 7:20 pm

Rhythm not schedule on the clock.

For example: About 15-20 minute nightly kitchen reset.
after supper every night, clear table, clear counters and wash dishes.
Or, load dishwasher at night and empty during breakfast.

Put laundry load in at night and switch in morning (or whatever makes sense)

Put up supper during baby's nap let's say, so it's cooked before kids come home.

Set table with snacks before you go to pickup.

Set day for weekly delivery and set time for another quick shop (like Monday is delivery day and Thurs on the way to pickup is pre shabbos shop)

You need to implement these kinds of rhythms so things move smoothly even if not on time.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Dec 18 2023, 7:57 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

So false.
I dropped the ball a lot when I was working out of the house full time.
My house was dysfunctional.
I just couldn't do it.

Now that may just be because I'm all over the place, but I just had too much on my plate and didn't manage my responsibilities properly. I'm not a balabuste to put it simply.

Just because it doesn’t apply to you doesn’t make it false. It’s well known that if you want something done ask a busy person. Busy people tend to be more efficient with their time. Obviously there are exceptions but it doesn’t make it false

amother

Tulip

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 5:46 pm

amother Smokey wrote:

Lol
My husband's favorite line
But like I always say, his responsibility is himself (ie his morning routine is as follows: he wakes up, showers, gets dressed, eats breakfast and leaves the house) and mine is the financial, emotional, mental, physical needs of myself and my family.

I don't think I'm an exception, there's only so much a person can juggle and it's ludicrous to make people feel bad if they can't juggle it all.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 6:44 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

I certainly am not trying to make a gown feel bad!! The opposite: I’m trying to normalize what OP is experiencing. It’s very very common