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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:00 pm
As an example, telling a child at the table, you're too old to use your fingers. You know better than that.
This grates on me. Just remind them to use a fork. Or better yet, give them a look.
Eta. Are these hugs of disagreement?
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Tao
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | As an example, telling a child at the table, you're too old to use your fingers. You know better than that.
This grates on me. Just remind them to use a fork. Or better yet, give them a look. |
A lot of kids like to be "big" though. Eg telling a child, "You're so big, you don't need a paci anymore! They're for babies! You're big now, like (big brother/sister's name)!" which can help motivate them to stop a behavior, because they want to be big like their siblings. Personally I do this and it definitely works.
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naomi2
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:05 pm
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I agree. It's a way to shame children into behaving differently and it also bothers me very much. You are right, just tell them what you want them to do instead or give an eye motion towards the napkin or utensil etc. then follow up with a smile, nod, or praise.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:19 pm
| Tao wrote: | | A lot of kids like to be "big" though. Eg telling a child, "You're so big, you don't need a paci anymore! They're for babies! You're big now, like (big brother/sister's name)!" which can help motivate them to stop a behavior, because they want to be big like their siblings. Personally I do this and it definitely works. |
I suppose it could be said in an encouraging way. But I'm referring to it being said in a critical way.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:22 pm
| naomi2 wrote: | | I agree. It's a way to shame children into behaving differently and it also bothers me very much. You are right, just tell them what you want them to do instead or give an eye motion towards the napkin or utensil etc. then follow up with a smile, nod, or praise. |
Yes, shaming, exactly.
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amother
Springgreen
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:32 pm
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I think the lack of shame is what's wrong with current state of the world
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amother
Navy
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:33 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | I think the lack of shame is what's wrong with current state of the world |
I think there's healthy shame like shame that's written about in the Torah.
I'm not sure this falls under that category.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:48 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | I think the lack of shame is what's wrong with current state of the world |
I hear you. Maybe it depends on the situation. I don't think we need to make a child feel shame for licking her finger during a meal.
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chanatron1000
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Sat, Feb 03 2024, 10:52 pm
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There's a difference between shame and shaming.
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