I disciplined and he laughed

Seraph

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:24 am

Disclaimer: I am very against the idea of corporal punishment. I think you should use words to explain.
IMO, if the kid is old enough to understand explanations, you should explain why what the kid did was wrong, etc. And if the kid is too young to understand, they should be removed from the situation.

That said, when there are dangerous things, especially if the kid is young, I think a well thought out patch is good to teach that something is BAD and it hurts. Example: running into the street; sticking things into electrical sockets.

My 1 year old was in the bath and decided that he wanted to turn on the hot water knob. My friends kid was in the hospital with very serious burns because of turning on the hot water knob and scalded herself VERY badly. Its important to me that Uriel learn that he is NEVER to touch the knob.
I told Uriel "No" and removed him from the faucet. He made a beeline back. (His bath wasnt over, thats why I didnt remove him completely from the tub.) Told him no again. Made no difference. I decided to combine the "No" with a light patch on the back of his hand (I wanted to use as little force as possible). First didnt register. Tried a little harder. He looked at me but went right back to what he was doing. Then finally I patched him as hard as I'd ever patch someone (but still not ultra hard- it made his hand bright red and made a big noise but probably hurt no more than a high five) and said "NO! Don't touch that! Mommy doesnt let. You'll get hurt." Sternly. With a very serious expression on my face. And he looks at me...
And laughs.
Confused

What am I supposed to do now? I am not quite sure why he laughed. But how am I supposed to discipline for "big dangerous things" if my tactic makes him laugh?

mimivan

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:34 am

Yes, I have this and all I can say is that my 2 year old is teaching me anger management. LOL

because he thinks it is funny when Ima gets mad.
He probably laughed because, as you said, you don't do it often and were doing something out of the ordinary

I'm not saying you were anything more than stern and and were probably not angry but with my toddler, it is a matter of "show don't tell".

For instance, if he makes a mess, he cleans it up.
If he hits, he does get a stern "no we don't do that" but if he does it again, I hold his hands together (not hard, but that he should be confined)
It doesn't have to be corporal punishment, but it has to be more than just words with a "laugher" who thinks it is funny when Ima says "no" sternly.
Things need to be taken away, he should part with something he likes to get the message if he thinks "no" is funny.

How about taking him out of the bath when he touches the knob. My 2 year old also laughed when I patched him for the same thing. I don't think the patch necessarily teaches him anything. And I'm not a super liberal parent...I have just found it doesn't seem to work.

If it is very dangerous, can't you close it so tight he can't possible open the water?

B'h my older one does know I mean business when I say "no" but my 2 year old needs to have something taken away before he gets something is off limits.

Last edited by mimivan on Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:39 am; edited 1 time in total

Seraph

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:38 am

mimi, I wasnt anywhere near angry. (Ok, in a sense I was laughing inside because he is so spunky, but I made sure not to show that at all on my face.) I just thought it was an important lesson for him to learn- to NEVER NEVER NEVER touch the knobs of the bath tub. But it didnt work. I want to know how to teach him that lesson, without him laughing in my face.

mimivan

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 8:40 am

I edited my post and added more...read it again...I have exactly the same thing...

if he plays with the knobs, he gets taken out of the bath..that's it...and I think he's learned. I also tell him not to touch the knobs. but bathtime is over. I can also close them very tight to prevent the problem to begin with.

yo'ma

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 2:48 pm

I can't help with the laughing part, but with the no touching, this is what I usually do. I use as few simple words as possible and show what could happen. I say, no, hot, boo boo and touch it and move my hand really quickly and give it a kiss and say boo boo again. When they get older then I explain that it's not always hot, but it still shouldn't be touched. As for the hot water faucet. Maybe turn it on and let him stick a finger under it very quickly to show him what hot is and that the water came out of that faucet. Also, show him the cold and he'll see the difference. One is a boo boo and the other isn't.

amother

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 3:02 pm

I'm not sure why he laughed; but how is patching going to help him know the water is hot. I think he is way too young and you should have simply taken him out of the bath to protect him. In much the same way a mother holds their child's hand so he doesn't go into the street or watches so they do not touch anything dangerous.

Mrs. XYZ

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 3:58 pm

Well first let me say that judging from the pic on your avatar, I'm not surprised that he laughed in your face . With that mischievous grin, it doesn't look like he could keep a straight face ever! Very Happy

Quote:

Try holding his hand while saying no sternly instead - it should get the message across without hitting.

Yes, if I would see that patching is not accomplishing anything, I would hold his hands tightly together
for a moment or two, while telling him firmly NO. He wont like feeling 'locked up'.

Barbara

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 4:25 pm

amother wrote:

Caveat -- I don't believe in hitting a child. Ever. Under any circumstance or for any reason. All it teaches the child is that the parent is bigger and stronger (and that when you're bigger and stronger, you get to hit those who are smaller and weaker).

What I'd do -- the risk here is rather low, since the baby should never be in the bath, even for a second, without you. However, you can childproof in two ways -- install an anti-scald device, or lower the temperature of your hot water heater to the point where its still warm enough for bathing and dishes, but not hot enough to scald. If you're worried he'll toddle in to the bathroom at other times (which may be a real concern), install a hook and eye on the outside of the bathroom door, high up enough so that he cannot reach it, but low enough that older kids and adults can. You should probably do that anyway.

Why he laughed -- your tone of voice and facial expressions.

Aidelmom

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 4:28 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Yoma that idea sounds quite dangerous. Maybe you don't realize how hot the water is here.

yo'ma

Wed, Sep 10 2008, 6:45 pm

Aidelmom wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

Yoma that idea sounds quite dangerous. Maybe you don't realize how hot the water is here.

I guess I don't realize how hot the water is there, but that was the only dangerous part. BTW, I don't do that part. It was just a suggestion.

gryp

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 10:22 am

Seraph- he taught you a lesson in parenting. Smile

Taking him out of the bath would have been the proper response, NOT hitting. It sounds like you didn't want to take him out yet since he wasn't finished and I'm sure it would have been inconvenient for you to follow through with that, and hitting seemed like a much quicker, more convenient solution. Except it wasn't.
Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do, no matter how annoying or inconvenient.

challi

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 8:34 am

my ds laughs too. when he does somethinbg or touches something he shouldn't. I hold his hand, make a sad/serious face and call his name till he looks at me and it registers. Then I say don't touch the .... it will make ouchies. once I see he realizes I'm serious he usually stops and if he doesn't I do it again. Its important and helps if the kids make eye contact when you are telling them something important.

Oh and this works for my son who is the most rambunctious, stubborn, hard to repremand baby I have evr seen. He is absolutely impossible to baby proof for!