help me with support

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

Help me with support

1 2 Next

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

alwaysquestions

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 12:26 am

ive decided to let my dd cio..its become out of hand. she took advantage. shes 9 mths old and wouldnt go to sleep unless I rock her in my hands then when I would transfer her to her crib she'd wake up and I would have to take her out and put her back to sleep. I feel like the worst mother! you shouldve seen the terror on her face when I put her into the crib..omg. im so scared and nervous and its only day 2..I need all the support I can get.

mommalah

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 12:47 am

A 9 month old took advantage? shock

Those conniving, manipulative 9 month olds......

If it's so difficult to watch/let her cry it out and it just doesn't feel right then maybe it's not the best thing.

Isramom8

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 1:11 am

So don't put her in the crib. Reseacrch how to cosleep safely. As a tiny start, I wrote these short articles explaining it:

http://www.pregnancy-info.net/......html
http://www.pregnancy-info.net/......html

Your baby only has YOU for support; she doesn't have Imababy.

amother

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 3:34 am

alwaysquestions wrote:

1. a 9 month old is not taking advantage. they do not know from that. change your perspective a little bit if you can and you may be able to relate a little differently to her. rather than feeling angry with her for taking advantage, try and work out if there really is sth that's bothering her, or if it's just a habit she's got used to. thank Hashem that you have a little baby who cries and who is comforted by ima.

2. you are not the worst mother. you are experiencing what 99% of mothers go through at some stage it is totally normal and no reflection on you.

3. if you have decided to let her cio, you have to be unequivocal, 100% sure that's what you will do, and stick to it. you have to be sure it is the right thing for your dd. while many mothers think letting a child cio is terrible, I personally think that letting your child get into a bad pattern where they never get enough sleep and never learn how to get to sleep happily is even more cruel.

they say it takes 3 days for a child to make a habit and 3 days to break a habit.

I do not believe that co-sleeping would have been good for me of my kids, and they all learned very painlessly to go to sleep in their cribs by themselves. I never had to let them cio. when they cried at night, I knew that sth was bothering them, nit just that they were being demanding. sometimes what was bothering them was a dirty diaper, they had wind, a stomach ache. or sometimes it was just that they needed a few more cuddles from ima and then were happy to settle after that.

I say only let her cio when you are ready to do so, and when you are sure it's the right thing for her. and as I said, it may well be the right thing, just you won't get through it if you're doubting yourself.

good luck

chocolate moose

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 8:48 am

rocking is not always the best to get a child to sleep. they have to learn to soothe themselves.

Isramom8

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 9:24 am

The next time you're upset, don't come running here to Imamother for support then; just go soothe yourself - like how that feels?

me-mom

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 9:39 am

dont pack it in yet, I know its hard, been through similar thing, do it for another 2 nights and you should see a change.. keep it up Smile

the world's best mom

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 9:44 am

chocolate moose wrote:

rocking is not always the best to get a child to sleep. they have to learn to soothe themselves.

Why do they have to? And why at nine months old?
My dd was around that age when everyone told me I have to let her cry it out. She screamed for three and a half hours and finally slept for fifteen minutes. She wasn't better off after that episode, believe me. Ever since, I've nursing my kids to sleep, rocking them, holding them, patting their backs, standing on my head, whatever works. And somehow, my girls learned to put themselves to sleep when they were ready. I don't do that to my three year old or four year old anymore. I just tuck them into bed and they go to sleep on their own. Ds still needs to be nursed and then cuddled for two minutes while I sing to him. We both cherish that cuddle time, and I love it that he falls asleep quickly, knowing that I, his mother and best friend, am there for him and will hold him when he needs to be held .

levial

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 9:50 am

When I let DD cio, I used to sit by the crib. I used to repeat "Mommy's here, you're safe." I also would pat her back gently, but not pick her up. Then I stopped patting back, then I moved the chair...over a week or so, until I would leave, and say from the hall Mommy's here you're safe." (I was too chicken to let her cry 3 hours).

Hang in there!

Isramom8

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 9:56 am

I would really think about putting a time limit on letter her cry in misery - 10 minutes? 20 mnutes tops? A Jewish baby is suffering. You may be teaching her that people don't hear and don't care.

Here in Israel, my friend tried letting her baby cio. The neighbors called the police.

the world's best mom

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:05 am

levial wrote:

I used to do this with my girls. I think it's a great method, if your kids respond well to it. Unfortunately, ds1 kept getting sick when I tried it, and ds2 threw up from crying every time. Oh well.

Isramom8

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:15 am

A woman in labor screams and cries for support, an epidural, someone to stay in the room, or whatever. The midwife or doula backs away, refuses to touch her or help her but tells her, "you're safe". Would you want to be in this position?

GetReal

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:21 am

Isramom8, I think you're being a little over-dramatic. Each kid is different, and in many cases, letting a baby cry in controlled amounts for a day or two means that they will sleep better for months afterward. My kids were miserable - not getting enough sleep because they had no idea how to soothe themselves. After two, three days, they slept well and were so much happier. I let them cry for 5 minutes and it broke my heart, but I was doing it for them, not me!

MaBelleVie

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:23 am

Isramom8 wrote:

Why on earth are you comparing extreme physical pain to a tired baby??

GetReal

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:24 am

I wouldn't let a baby cry for hours. At first I did 5 minutes at a time, then 7 or 8 minutes. Technically I would have gone to 10, 15 minutes but by then they had learned how to sleep on their own. and at times I did co-sleep, rock baby to sleep, etc. Each kid and each situation is different!

pobody's nerfect

Sun, Nov 15 2009, 10:30 am

if you're really looking for support on CIO, I'm sorry for offering you something else.
BUT if you're actually just trying to find something that works to get your baby to sleep in her own crib, I would suggest reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. it was recommended to me by some people here on this site, and I started reading it a few weeks ago. my baby is still teeny, and he is dealing with some feeding issues, so we haven't gotten to practice all that she suggests. but for you I think it would be perfect.

she describes your problem almost exactly, and explains her method on dealing with it. she does not allow the baby to continue crying, but instead gradually introduces him to the crib. it did take a few weeks of very hard work and lots of patience, from what she describes, but the baby did eventually move to a crib happily.

the book is available on amazon for under 5 dollars.

alwaysquestions

Mon, Nov 16 2009, 12:05 pm

first of all, u people ar not being supportive at all. as u can see in my subject im asking for support.
second of all, I dont have a proble putting her to sleep rocking but its just that she wakes up each time I transfer her into the crib so the whole process starts again. and she litterly wakes up every 15 min at night. so I see this as the only option. so please everyone support only. thx

mikukl

Sun, Dec 06 2009, 11:52 pm

try singing and cont. singing while u put her in and then lower ur voice and end in a hush voice or try a noise machine to block everything out.

nono

Sun, Dec 13 2009, 5:07 am

HI. I AM FULLY SYMPATHETIC OF YOUR POSITION. MY JUST TURNED 1 YEAR OLD WOULD ALSO FALL ASLEEP, ROCKING IN MY HANDS AND I, HAVING SIBLINGS WHO WOULD POST THEIR KIDS ON A STRICT SLEEP SCHEDULE FELT LIKE A TOTAL FAILURE AND NO NO AS A MOTHER. IT WAS A DIFFICULT PERIOD. I NOTICED THOUGH, THAT GRADUAL AND ONLY GRADUAL WOULD WORK, ACCOMPANIED BY PRAYER AS I ANXIOUSLY LAID MY LITTLE ONE IN BED. MY LITTLE ONE WOULD FALL ASLEEP BEING HELD AND ROCKED IN MY HAND. SO MY FIRST GOAL WAS HOLDING HIM, STILL BUT NOT ROCKING HIM. AT FIRST HE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE AS I WOULD TRY TO SIT OR STAND WITHOUT MOVING SO THAT HE WOULD FALL ASLEEP IN MY HAND WITHOUT THE ROCKING. AT TIMES, I GAVE IN, AND ROCKED HIM FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THEN STOPPED AND STOOD STILL AGAIN. ONCE HE GOT USED TO THIS, IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO TRAIN HIM TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN CRIB. MAKING SURE HE WAS SATISFIED AND READY FOR BED, I FIRST CLOSED THE WINDOW ( AND DID THE SAME EVERY NIGHT SO THAT HE KNEW BEDTIME IS COMING) THEN I SHOWED HIM THE CRIB AND PLACED HIM IN. HE CRIED. HE FELT UNSURE. IT WAS NEW FOR HIM, SURE. I STAYED THERE, SUBSITUTING HOLDING HIM NOW WITH PATTING HIM. SOMETIMES I WOULD LEAVE HIM. I PRE-DECIDED HOW LONG I WOULD LET HIM CRY, SOMETIMES 1 MINUTE AND SOMETIMES 45 SECS. I LIKE TO GO SOFTLY. AND THEN MANY TIMES I TOOK HIM OUT WHERE HE FELL ASLEEP NEARLY IMMEDIATELY IN MY HANDS. I CONGRATULATE EACH TIME I TRY TO LAY HIM IN BED, NOT EACH TIME HE FALLS ASLEEP BECAUSE IT TAKES SO MUCH EFFORT AND COURAGE ON MY PART AS A NEW MUMMY! EVENTUALLY HE GOT IT. IT WAS SO CONVENIENT SLIPPING HIM INTO HIS CRIB WITHOUT A TABOO! NOW I'M GOING THRU THE PROCEDURE AGAIN SINCE HE HAS A NEW CRIB, IN HIS OWN ROOM AND IT IS ALL VERY NEW FOR HIM. SO I'M GOING GRADUAL, I KNOW EVENTUALLY B'H HE'LL GET IT.
HATZLACHA!

amother

Sun, Dec 13 2009, 5:11 am

Isramom8 wrote:

The next time you're upset, don't come running here to Imamother for support then; just go soothe yourself - like how that feels?

That is ignorance. My aunt is a well-known sleep expert, and there are varying opinions on this issue. It is her opinion that children do need to learn how to sooth themselves, to a degree. And guess what, adults also have to learn not to run to imamother for every little thing, if you want to make that comparison, which is absurd.

Page 1 of 2

1 2 Next