I am massively in debt and DH doesn't know

Crayon210

Thu, Sep 10 2009, 4:57 pm

I don't understand how it helps to keep going to school. Doesn't that continue to add to the principal of the loan?

And it also seems odd: why not stop going to school and work for those years to pay off the loan, so that this could all have been in the past?

My main issue is not with the OP per se, but with the amother who posted that there's a great value in a woman going to school (or even finishing school with large debts), if she plans to be a SAHM.

ss321

Thu, Sep 10 2009, 5:58 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

I don't understand how it helps to keep going to school. Doesn't that continue to add to the principal of the loan?

not an expert on student loans, I just know from hearsay from classmates, but I think the way it works, is that you dont start accruing interest on the loans until after you are not a student anymore. so technically, if she takes 3 credits every 6 months, I guess she still can call herslf a student, and prevent the interest from growing.

Crayon210 wrote:

And it also seems odd: why not stop going to school and work for those years to pay off the loan, so that this could all have been in the past?

I guess, the same reason people use credit cards when they cannot afford to and really should be paying for e/t with cash?

OP, I think at this point, you might want to consider the fact that since you HAVE earned a degree, perhaps there was a reason things played out like this? IF you dont want your DH to leave you, and you seriously think he might, over the 50k, perhaps an option is working for a few years, either FT (pay off faster, but trade off is obvious), or PT (pay off slower and therefore paying more interest, but dont have to "compromise" your desire to be a SAHM just as much)?
not trying to be mean here, I know you want to be a SAHM,but I think what you are doing, WADR, is very irresponsible. and the longer you keep up your lie, teh worse it will get.
My main issue is not with the OP per se, but with the amother who posted that there's a great value in a woman going to school (or even finishing school with large debts), if she plans to be a SAHM.[/quote]

Crayon210

Thu, Sep 10 2009, 10:03 pm

ss321 wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

I don't understand how it helps to keep going to school. Doesn't that continue to add to the principal of the loan?

This part I understand. But still, if she is borrowing money to continue to take those three credits, then she's adding to the problem, not fixing it. Making it worse, then pushing it off.

ss321

Thu, Sep 10 2009, 10:12 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

ss321 wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

I don't understand how it helps to keep going to school. Doesn't that continue to add to the principal of the loan?

This part I understand. But still, if she is borrowing money to continue to take those three credits, then she's adding to the problem, not fixing it. Making it worse, then pushing it off.

100%
but like what I said about credit cards. how many people who have 3 credit cards in their wallet right now should really have zero. probably like 90% of cc holders. welcome to america!

amother

Fri, Sep 11 2009, 12:02 am

amother wrote:

The loans were for the years before we were together. We've both paid my tuition with earnings since we've been together.

It's kind of a big mess. I didn't plan to be a SAHM when I was 18, so started university for a career. Now I'm taking one course a year so I can be a student and keep the loan interest free. I tell everyone that I like it, that I'm doing it for gratification, but honestly I'm doing it so I don't need to repay the loan yet, so every year that I'm a student is one year that I don't need to come clean and risk my husband leaving me.

I don't want him to leave me. There's the obvious stuff - I don't want my kids to suffer through that, for instance - but also I love him, I can't bear the thought of not being with him, and I hate that he's married to someone who's such a liability.

If I talk to a Rav, would he keep it confidential, or would he be so appalled that he'd have to tell my husband, any idea? I don't know what to do. I just hate having this hanging over my head.

Amother: I hope things have smoothed out since then. I don't come on this site often but I happened to have seen your post just now and I want you to know that I feel for you. Not only because of the problem you wrote about, but because you seem to have major insecurities about yourself as a person/wife. I don't mean to be harsh, but this is an important thing to realize if it holds true. You wrote that you"hate that he's married to someone who's such a liability" and you are so worried that he'll leave you. Those comments seem to imply that you don't hold yourself so highly, and don't see yourself as someone worth being married to if things aren't perfect. Your husband is married to you, I'm sure he loves you the way you love him! He will not divorce you because you made a mistake! Everyone botches up sometimes and no one has a perfect life/marriage! You guys will pull through whatever hardships you go through as long as you are on the same page. You need to work on feeling more confident about yourself so that you won't worry this way next time something rough comes up. Also, it will help improve any other areas in your life. Dr. Abraham Twerski has some excellent books about self-esteem and self-awareness. Please don't feel bad about what I am saying to you, and keep in mind that a lot more people than you can imagine, suffer from feelings of low self-image.
Good luck!

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2009, 7:52 pm

I am a speech therapist and have a loan of 40k. After consolidating my loan through my lender I locked in at around a 2 percent interest rate. After 36 payments and because I pay electronically through my bank, I had my rate lowered further. I was paying $180.oo a month.I recently increased the payment to $200.00 to finish repayment 3 years earlier. So you see the actual payments are managable! If you will be a sahm, and be able to manage on one income,perhaps this payment is doable on dh's salary. I cannot imagine he will leave you over this. Divorce and child support will be more costly per month than the loan payment.I cannot imagine any bais din will allow for divirce on these grounds.

You may also want to run by the scenario as if a friend of yours had this 50k loan and is afraid to tell dh and see his response. If he reacts favorably, theb take the chance to tell him this is your scenario. If not you may need to keep quiet and contact his rav to tell him the situation. Hatzlacha!

saw50st8

Tue, Dec 01 2009, 10:44 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

There is value in having a degree as a SAHM. My mother was a SAHM and then my father got really sick. She went to work. Then he died. Her degree allowed our family to live. She had a solid, stable job that paid the bills.

Everyone should have a backup plan.