dh gives up too easily

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 8:49 am

The minute the kids are difficult, dh just gives up after minimal effort and passes them to me. Baby crying? He will bounce him on his knee for 30 seconds and then hand him to me saying "he must want to nurse"- even if I JUST nursed him. Or he'll put the toddler to bed by just bringing him to bed, shutting the light and leaving. Then, when the kid inevitably cries and pops out of bed, dh is all "well, I tried, it just doesn't work when I do it". Seriously, if you'd just take 10 minutes of your life to read him a story and sing a song instead of just dumping him in bed, he'll go to bed! Dh does this with everything- if his puny minimal fix doesn't work, it must be something mommy does better, and why should he bother. How can I get him to understand that taking care of kids is WORK- there are no quick fixes, you have to put in real effort. I'm feeling really resentful right now after a difficult morning where, yet again, everything fell to me because dh couldn't handle it sitting down.

mummiedearest

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 9:05 am

you need to teach him how to handle it. give him a checklist for bedtime to go over with your toddler (you can make it interactive with pictures if you want). be there to supervise a few times. when he tells you baby wants to nurse, tell him that baby doesn't. baby wants dad to change diaper, give paci, rock in chair, take on walk in stroller/baby carrier, etc. give suggestions. have your hands busy so you can say, "sorry, hon, I'm washing dishes. can you walk around the room with her?"

and when he manages to have the patience and calm baby down/put toddler to bed properly, tell him how much you love seeing him interact with your kids.