I never thought it would be me

amother

Wed, May 07 2014, 8:10 pm

not making it from paycheck to paycheck!

I pushed DH to go to collge so that he could bring in a better parnusa. I went to college. Dh is working at the same place for 1.5 yrs and still has never gotten a raise. he works his tuchus off, staying late, going in early, working from home after hours, and he is still making bupkis. I have a parttime job, I went on a few interviews for a fulltime job but nothing worked out. anyway it will probably cost more in child care expenses so it probably not even worth it for me! We have a few kids kah, living in an apt thats way too small. I went shoping today an at the register I had to return the cloth diapers for the baby or paper towels because we didnt have enough money in the bank. I had to keep the bill under $50 and I got it down to $49.81. I have so little time with dh because of his hours and whatever time we do have is spent budgeting or talking about our bills so our marriage is suffering. next year we will have 2 kids in school. how will we keep up with our expenses?

citimom

Wed, May 07 2014, 8:17 pm

Know that even though it seems to you like no one else has this issue, manymany people are living like this! Kudos to you for not jut putting everything on credit cards and falling severely into debt! Keep that up! Maybe your husband can ask for a raise? It's so hard on a marriage when there's huge financial stress. It's an ongoing effort to keep that separate from everything else and just remember that money is all from Hashem. It comes and goes....

smiledr

Wed, May 07 2014, 8:17 pm

Sometimes u just need to put ur time in and start at the bottom. 1.5 years isn't long enough to be upset about not getting a raise. At the two year mark he should put in writing why he should get a raise - dedication, loyalty, cost of raising a family etc. keep trying - you'll find something eventually. You have your degree, that's the first step. Maybe buff up your resume? Keep an open mind - don't expect your dream job to come along. I'm still waiting for mine:) good luck!!

self-actualization

Fri, May 30 2014, 10:00 am

anyway it will probably cost more in child care expenses so it probably not even worth it for me!

Just saw your post - the above sentence is what dooms many women ... the childcare expenses a) go away eventually when the children no longer need a babysitter and b) turn into tuition expenses that are no longer optional. But any experience that you gain working is your forever ...

Good luck.

b from nj

Fri, May 30 2014, 10:13 am

OP, just going to college & getting a BA degree won't necessarily ensure a good parnassah. What was his major? Was it something like accounting which allows you to get a job with a year of post BA credits or was it psychology where you need to go on for a PhD/PsyD? Bear in mind that just a general BA won't secure you or your DH a good job unfortunately.

I feel for your situation & I wish you hatzlacha. It's not easy trying to make it in the frum world with all of the expenses involved in raising a frum family.

One thing I would recommend would be to push off having more kids until your financial situation improves b/c obviously if it's hard to manage now with 2 kids, having more would be that much more difficult & your expenses would be that much greater.

amother

Fri, May 30 2014, 10:24 am

amother wrote:

op I feel for you but one option is to stop having so many kids.
I cant for the life of mine understand how people can pop babies one right after the next if they cnat afford it.
its not fair to you and not fair to the kids and not fair to all the store owners that you owe money to and cant pay.

Raisin

Fri, May 30 2014, 10:32 am

amother wrote:

Can we please please ban the expression "popping babies out"??? Its derogatory, rude and disrespectful of Hashem's amazing world.

Fri, May 30 2014, 10:40 am

The OP is not popping out kids. She has two. She doesn't owe anyone money - she is struggling to make ends meet with the amount of income coming in. And I know a lot of people who grew up in poor homes who are very appreciative to the fact that they were brought into the world.

OP, has your husband asked for a raise? Can you perhaps do babysitting or something like that, so you can bring in money while NOT paying for childcare expenses?

kollel wife

Fri, May 30 2014, 11:42 am

Is there anything you can do from home - first thought that comes to mind is data entry or babysitting?
Also, you can learn to be a more economical shopper. Not with coupons just with your head.

For one example, Flour in Walmart is 1.54, Walmart brand (here in Lakewood) Shoprite more, kosher stores a lot more!! Maybe even $3 (Right now all flour is Yoshon)
We never buy yogurt - maybe once or twice a year as a special treat.
I've been told the cheapest (not cloth) diapers can be bought on Amazon.
Malt - O Meal Cereals or double boxes (club size) cereals are sold in Shoprite too.
I just bought college ruled looseleaf paper for .88 in Walmart, anywhere else it's a lot more.

You don't have to go crazy running to three stores. Once you learn what's cheaper where it becomes part of your routine. You should be able to regularly shop in only two stores and once in a while stock up in somewhere like Walmart.

supty

Fri, May 30 2014, 11:55 am

I don't know what field your husband is working in, but speaking from (my limited) experience, I don't think most companies will just "offer" you a raise- you have to ask for one. My dh meets with his boss once a year and presents all the factors and reasons why he thinks he deserves a raise. If he wouldn't bring it up, I'm sure he would still be making the same salary he started with. Again, I don't know if all companies work like this, but maybe it's something to consider! Good luck!!

SRS

Fri, May 30 2014, 6:15 pm

Regarding the trying grad school, not so fast. I love further education, but lately I am down on it. If you are in the working world, at the very least you are making money and not working into a further hole. You can work hard, ask for guidance on how to develop industry skills and receive mentoring, and you can work to develop soft skills and practical techical skills which school will not teach. Start by asking for mentorship because you want to be an asset and follow up by asking for a raise. If the company wants to keep you on and develop you, ask for the company to sponsor further education.