Here we go again :(

amother

Pear

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:46 pm

Maybe you can adopt what our family has been doing the last couple years. We have been doing a morning megilla laining with breakfast. My father goes to an early minyan and then comes home and lains for all of usat my parents house. My mother prepares an amazing yummy spread for breakfast that we eat afterwards. We also do a kids megilla laining where the kids basically shake their graggers. He reads the first pasuk and then the person with the most Hamans. The kids love it. We are finished by 10:30-11:00 and we go on with our day. We also exchange mm with our siblings/and kids with their cousins.

Another thing is that the extended family gets together in middle of the day and that way we see each other without running form house to house. It's very nice. That's lunch usually.

Another idea is making a Purim party at night after megilla.

I am not sure how far oot your other kids live but have driven an hour to family in the morning, heard megillah in their city and then driven back a few times. Left like 6:30-7:00 AM

amother

Banana

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:12 am

I guess I’m a bigger loser than you. I only have 2 kids. One is away in school and the other is B”H engaged and will be with future in-laws. My elderly parents are coming to us. Zeh Hu.

I invited my not frum cousin, who has not yet opened the WhatsApp or answered /returned my phone call. My MIL is going to my SIL, my sister is getting together with friends, and my friend, who I invited with her elderly mom, is going to her in-laws.

Here’s the thing. I am old enough to not care. If my children and parents/in-laws are happy, what difference does it make. I am secure enough in who I am that I just don’t care. I don’t feel judged by others and I am not judging myself either. I know who my friends are and I know my relationship with my children. It’s ok for people to have other plans. I still feel loved. I would much rather that had fun with people their own age than felt obligated to entertain me.

amother

Linen

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 1:59 am

Hi each year I noticed my bunch of friends get together and have a seuda not once I was invited I put the hurt aside and moved forward
All these our bt and have no family here
Bh I'm lucky enough to have parents living near by me
I don't always appreciate it but they come to me for Purim
I'm lubavutich so I also have non lubavutich friends so I invited about 15 people who don't have families to go or will be ok their own think out the box
Is there friendship circle where your son could spend few hrs on purim then u could go to shul seuda
Sending you 💞

I

amother

Tanzanite

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:44 am

It’s always a hard time for me. It’s not my husband‘s favorite holiday. Cannot handle all the loud noise and drinking. I’ve tried to host a few times and it just hasn’t been fun because there’s literally no drinking and nobody really wants to come to us because we’re not so much fun. This year I invited myself to my son-in-law‘s family. Well, he asked if he could invite us and they said yes. We are quite close with them but I think sometimes people don’t think about inviting new people. I offered to bring a few things automatic contributing to the meal and I hope it will be a nice year for the kids because the pass has been super boring. So I understand it being stressful and not having invitations. I wish that I loved hosting. You could host a bunch of people but I just really don’t and I’m happy to host almost every week for Shabbos but this is just very out of my comfort zone so maybe if you invite yourself an offer to bring a few things you’ll feel more comfortable? It wasn’t so easy for me, but it’s not, so is he staying home alone either.

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 6:41 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

You're making a huge generalization and maybe there is a reason they aren't coming. I'm in my early 30s, no frum family (we are BTs) and I would kill for parents to pack up and spend shabbos and yom tov with. Most normal people really want a strong relationship with their parents. So maybe think about that before you make such comments about a whole generation.

And yes, I want my kids to be happy! A grandparent just sitting on the couch bemoaning about politics, ignoring my kids and complaining they can't touch stuff isn't going to lead to many visits. So we don't go there. There are always reasons....

Just so you know…. I take my grandkids to school every morning.
So please DO NOT make assumptions about my relationship with them. I am a very tuned in grandparent. & I said in my OP that we have a nice rappor
I have no doubt that it’s way more fun to be with friends. Hey, I have fun with my friends too! But im still feelkng sad about not having an option to go to and by this point - it’s almost Purim , resigned that our seudah will be the 3 of us.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 6:48 am

doodlesmom wrote:

Can SN adult son spend time alone at home? Or does he need supervision?

Maybe you can eat the seuda with him and leave him behind for an hour or 2 while you go visiting….
Maybe even with the cleaning help etc…depends on his needs…

I was wondering this as well. OP, how old is your SN son? Does he even enjoy having a long seudah with you at home or is this just something he tolerates and you do because you think you should? If he would be perfectly happy doing an early shorter meal with you, could you then go out and enjoy the rest of your time while he gets some quiet relaxing time in?

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 6:55 am

amother Banana wrote:

So nice that you are so confident.
But I feel like a loser.
So your post did not help me in the least

cream+sugar

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:30 am

OP, I had a weirdly similar conversation back at New Year's with one of my coworkers. She's so young, in her mid-20s, not Jewish, and was feeling so frustrated because her friends were either spending New Year's Eve with new babies/small children, which she didn't relate to, or out at dumb bars, which she felt she had outgrown. I felt so bad for her, she sounded so sad and she felt so left out when she was "supposed" to be having so much fun.

So I'll tell you what I told her: It's okay to feel, in your words, "like a loser." It doesn't mean you *are* a loser. You're allowed to be disappointed. You're allowed to not like the situation you're in. You're even allowed to not try very hard to "fix" it -- it really is just one day, without any bigger implications for the rest of your life. In your case, your job for Purim is to fulfill the mitzvos and to make sure your son's needs are met. That's it. It's okay if you're not having fun the way it seems like you're "supposed" to, and it's okay if that makes you sad. You're allowed to have the feelings that you have; those feelings don't mean you are "a loser" or a nebach or any other mean words you might be telling yourself. It's one day. It might not be the best day. That's okay.

Wishing you and your family the most freilechen Purim possible.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:42 am

I plan a quiet Purium Seuda because I am inviting someone who does not like noise or too many guests.

I have to admit that I llike it, because it will be less work.

I understand how hard it is on you, because it is the same every year. On the other hand, Purim is the only loud noise festival in the year, (if I am not mistaken), so it is OK to make SN son the center of attention on Purim.

Personally, I don't like loud music either and I suppose my notion of Purim Seuda is generally much more subdued than other people's.

Oh, and I hate drunken people, so no getting drunk at my place.

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:53 am

cream+sugar wrote:

Thank you so much.
I feel so validated by your words.
Thx for understanding ❤️

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 12:05 am

OP, can you spend part of the day volunteering - going with your son to a hospital to the childrens ward to give out simple MM or nursing home or whatever is available in your vicinity? Your son can distribute Purim cards with something small added - a candy or small hand cream....Then when you go home to your seudah you will have what to talk about so the seudah has more life to it. Yes, I know , volunteering isnt supposed to be for selfish reasons but I will let you in on a secret, the volunteer gets way more out of it than the recipient of the deed. Nothing wrong with it. Just the way it is.

amother

Tue, Mar 19 2024, 6:23 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I actually thought of that & think it’s a great idea !

Thx !