Toilet training SOS. Need advice!!

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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training

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amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 4:25 pm

I’m toilet training my 2 and half year old boy, and absolutely going off my mind!
Started training a few weeks ago, and he still consistently has 1-3 accidents a day (poop and pee) he is able to hold himself in really really well, but since he never asks to go to the bathroom, and I have to be on top of taking him, he’ll end up having accidents( sometimes I try taking him to bathroom, he can’t go, but then 10 minutes later…😤)
We tried prizes, charts etc already
( his issue is not communicating, he talks fully already)

Does someone have any advice, tips or tricks?
( or even just tell me that it’s normal and what the ETA for normalcy is😅)

mummiedearest

Thu, May 23 2024, 4:58 pm

I think a lot depends on your child’s personality and what you are doing to train him.

IMO, charts are not useful for 2.5 year olds. An immediate small prize will work better. Some of my kids were just ready and did great with a round of applause from anyone home when they successfully used the potty. Some got chocolate chips each time. For boys, you can throw some colorful cereal (something that is not familiar as food) into the toilet and tell them to aim at that. It’s fun that way.

It is 100% normal to have regular accidents until your child is ready to be accident free. Boys are often harder to train, some are not ready until fully three. Do you have him in regular underwear? If so, I recommend reusable training pants. They’re basically cloth diapers, hold a lot more liquid. They’ll keep your floors and carpets clean. At the same time, they’ll be uncomfortable for your son when wet, encouraging him to stay dry. Kids who wear cloth diapers are generally ready for toilet training way younger because of this. You’ll have to do laundry, but you’ll wash underwear anyway.

Whatever you choose to do, remain calm when he has an accident. You don’t want him terrified of peeing or pooping.

amother

Zinnia

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:30 pm

Very similar happening with my son. I'm choosing not to stress about it since I think was similar with my older one, and after a while he did get it.

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:53 pm

Yeah he’s wearing underwear at this point, and he’s so proud of them.
I guess my question was how long do these accidents last?? And how long till they ask to go when they need to, not only when I physically put them on the seat..
Guess we’re all in this together Confused

amother

Denim

Thu, May 23 2024, 5:59 pm

At that age I just pulled down their pants and stuck them on toilet and they went..it's hard for them to stop playing get to bathroom etc but if u do it for them it helps TMI

amother

Burgundy

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:49 pm

At what point in the day are the accidents? Morning? Afternoon? Is it consistent throughout the day?

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:53 pm

amother Denim wrote:

At that age I just pulled down their pants and stuck them on toilet and they went..it's hard for them to stop playing get to bathroom etc but if u do it for them it helps TMI

That’s what I do! But then between those he makes accidents

amother

Seablue

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:53 pm

I just read through the book " toilet training in less than a day".
I wrote up a summary for myself. Here it is, in case you want to retry...

Doll: (Do all steps together with Chany)
Drink
“Doll needs to make”
pull down dolls pants
Run to potty
Sit quietly
Chany looks between legs
Doll makes (Chany feels stream)
Praise doll
Give treats (doll and child)
Spill potty
Pull up pants

Dry pants inspection
Praise dry pants
Give treats “Doll gets a treat for dry pants”

3 dry pants inspections, then wet
“NO! Pants must stay dry. Big girls have dry pants”
Must practice, practice, practice
Rapid running to potty, pulling down pants, sitting x3
Doll changes pants

3 more dry pants inspections- doll and child
Praise
Treats

Child teaches doll

Child:

Dry pants inspections
REwards “Chany has dry pants. Chany gets a treat”

Potty: Prompt every 15 minutes (or as soon as sign- relaxed, leg crossing, etc.)
Prompts:
First 3 times “Chany, go to the potty”
Once she gets it, “Chany want to go to the potty”
Once she gets it “Where do we make”
Last “Are your pants dry?”

Every time pottying:
Lower pants and sit quietly for 10 minutes
Praise sitting quietly
After make: Praise right away
Empty potty
only sit 5 minutes
When child goes on her own, don’t prompt

Praise:
beginning and end of action
Clap, hug, reward, friends who care, verbal
Praise till child does that step on her own
Then, only praise for dry pants

Verbal rehearsal:
Where do we make?
Make in toilet?
Make in pants?
Mommy makes in pants? Etc.

Instructions:
Stand close
Call by name
Be brief
Enthusiastic
Manual in the beginning (till gets it, or when reluctant)

Wet Pants:
No! You wet your pants, “big girls don’t wet pants” etc.
Positive practice
Rapid lowering pants, run to potty, rapid sitting and getting up 10x
2x from where accident happened
8x random locations
Now practice quickly from the bedroom “you wet your pants”
Quickly lower pants
Quickly sit
Make her aware of wetness, feel the pants
Social disapproval
Change herself

After child goes on her own:
Only dry pants inspections
6-7x a day
Approval of dry pants

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:55 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

At what point in the day are the accidents? Morning? Afternoon? Is it consistent throughout the day?

Not consistent. Usually just once a day, maybe twice. He’s very good at holding in till I take him, so I guess the issue happens when once or twice a day when he loses control for a minute..

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

Thanks! Maybe practicing running is a good idea. Will try that

amother

Seablue

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks! Maybe practicing running is a good idea. Will try that

You might also want to make your child responsible for his accident by making him change himself.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not consistent. Usually just once a day, maybe twice. He’s very good at holding in till I take him, so I guess the issue happens when once or twice a day when he loses control for a minute..

So I think it’s normal. Just give it time

surviving

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:08 pm

I was about to give up with mine and then pushed through for another day and bh it "clicked". If he understands how to hold it in that's already huge! The next step is to get him to relax enough to let it out and that's trickier. Expect accidents anytime he goes somewhere new (school, Bobby's house, park...). It's very normal for him to continue having accidents outside of the house even once he's gets it and is dry at home.

One thing that was helpful for me was to tell him to go instead of asking. If you say "do you need to make" he'll probably say no cuz he's busy playing and then it becomes a fight to take him. I'm still doing this a year later cuz apparently kids get more stubborn the older they get lol

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:16 pm

surviving wrote:

Wow a year! But does he go when he needs to without you prompting him at this point?

surviving

Thu, May 23 2024, 7:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow a year! But does he go when he needs to without you prompting him at this point?

Yeah bh he's really good now. He tell me when he needs the bathroom and about 2 months ago he started going to the bathroom himself when he wakes up (yay for me! 5 more minutes of sleep!). I do still need to make him use the bathroom because he gets busy and / or just doesn't want to go. He usually comes off the bus doing the bathroom dance but won't go unless I make him. He's too excited and distracted because wants to tell me all about his day.

It really does get better. I would say it took around 1 week to stop daily accidents and then there were still weekly accidents for a while. Bh it has stopped since and we're down to just about 1 accident a month

amother

NeonPink

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

I've been working with my 4yo for a year. Take some deep breaths and adjust your expectations❤️

Sticker charts, prize systems, treats, and LOTS of positive reinforcement!

amother

Seafoam

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:34 pm

"If I take you to the bathroom and you go, you get 1 chocolate chip. If you tell me or go yourself you get 2 chocolate chips" lots of compliments and positive reinforcement.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:39 pm

All might be fine. But, with my son this behaviour led to serious constipation issues. He's 7 and still wetting himself BC of the chronic constipation. He also had poop accidents until he was five. If I would have learned about this earlier I would have saved myself a lot of aggregation. If he's not ready to be trained I would leave it for another six months. Read the MOP book, withholding poop can be a real problem for kids. If you really need to train now I would give him mirelax while you train to keep the poop soft so he is less likely to withhold.

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 8:59 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

"If I take you to the bathroom and you go, you get 1 chocolate chip. If you tell me or go yourself you get 2 chocolate chips" lots of compliments and positive reinforcement.

Thank you! That’s great advice

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