Is this rude? | Imamother

mizle10

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 8:06 am

Leesah wrote:

Who decides what is defined as kosher for the op?
Who are you to say that eating a salad is treif and she should not be on this site?
It's not like she ate a cheeseburger ya' know. Sure there ARE halachic issues with it, but not everyone would think that eating a SALAD is so wrong. There are women here from many different sects of frumkeit.
My grandfather would totaly eat a salad in a treif place, it's how he was raised, it's what many frum jews used to do in the 50's. So now he's not frum?

OP said she doesn't always keep kosher for milchigs. She's the one who said it. I was also wondering if people need to keep kosher to be on this site.

33055

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 11:35 am

Leesah wrote:

Another person who took my quote out of context.You left out the part that says that I am NOT the kosher police. I still have the same authority if she are a cheeseburger or if she ate a salad in a non kosher place. My authority is zero.

There is a difference between your grandfather and op. Your grandfather was raised the way he was. OP specifically stated.she does not eat kosher milchegs. She is anticipating doing something that she knows is wrong for the purposes of this site. Why else is the question posed? She also did not say she only eats uncooked non-kosher milchigs.

I am much more sympathic to when someone is doing something unknowingly as opposed to deliberately. On a recent thread a poster asked about eating mince meat pie cooked in a non-kosher oven. I stood up to someone who bashed op. That op may not have known.

This op's stated reasoning for eating non-kosher food was she had a minimum tab she had to fill. It was not that she lacked kosher options or she lacked knowledge or it was a matter of health.

As to whether or not your grandfather was frum, you must check the SA or your rav. Yael says she goes by their definition.

mizle10

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 11:48 am

Squishy wrote:

Leesah wrote:

33055

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 11:52 am

imaima wrote:

Squishy wrote:

5*Mom wrote:

Squishy wrote:

Back to back boozing is not the typical behavior of women on this site. I am wondering if op belongs here.

This is judgmental, rude and offensive, and completely uncalled for. I tried to report your post only to discover that it has already been reported. Thanks to whoever beat me to it.

You took my quote out of context. My main concern was that op was not keeping kosher. I asked Yael and she said to be on this site one must keep kosher.

I am not the kosher police. I just thought we had a site where we share certain common values.

On this site one must also keep TH. However, you can find many posts of women who say that they couldn't resist just once, or don't hold all the restrictions, or postponed mikveh night, or miscalculated it. Should they all be removed?

No. IMO, for sure not.

Again, IMO these women deserve compassion. They also need this site very much as this is something at least I was raised not to talk about IRL. There, again IMO, is a world of difference in someone who "couldn't resist just once" and someone who is anticipating doing something the next day as op here is.

As far as not holding all the restrictions as long as the toibel was kosher, it is kosher to me. As far as someone who miscalculates that is not deliberate. I don't know about the postponing. Did they postpone a year and have relations during that time? Does that mean they don't keep TH? Did they postpone one day because it is their custom not to go on jc's birthday?

Just as I am not the kosher police, I don't want to police this either. I do want like minded women to query if I have a question about TH. I was only commenting on the rules of this site.

EmesOrNT

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 2:25 pm

imaima wrote:

Squishy wrote:

5*Mom wrote:

Squishy wrote:

Back to back boozing is not the typical behavior of women on this site. I am wondering if op belongs here.

This is judgmental, rude and offensive, and completely uncalled for. I tried to report your post only to discover that it has already been reported. Thanks to whoever beat me to it.

That's a once in a while thing. OP specifically stated she does this all the time.

EmesOrNT

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 2:27 pm

Mrs Bissli wrote:

emesornt wrote:

If OP is going to a bar with girlfriends, (and not a husband)she is there to hang out. By that reasoning alone, since her girlfriends are "hanging out" with her, I doubt any of them care much about whether or not the food is up to halachic standards.

I missed your "reasoning". What difference does it make if OP is with girlfriends or with mixed gender group of friends, or with her husband?

Usually, a group of girls going out to a bar are going to hang out with guys. I may be wrong, but seeing as OP hasn't checked in here since she started this weird thread, we'll never know.

amother

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 3:32 pm

5*Mom wrote:

Squishy wrote:

Back to back boozing is not the typical behavior of women on this site. I am wondering if op belongs here.

This is judgmental, rude and offensive, and completely uncalled for. I tried to report your post only to discover that it has already been reported. Thanks to whoever beat me to it.

OP here. Thanks for all your responses. (In middle of reading them but stopped here bc I wanted to clarify something.)
Squishy- If you read my OP you would have seen that the reason I ordered the salad was bc I didn't want alchohol. I think at this point even if there's a chance of offending, I guess I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it again.
When I came to the situation, I hadn't thought about it before and had just come from a gym so I was really hungry but wasn't going to order anything. Then they said everyone has to order something.
One other woman there wasn't religious at all, so she definitely wouldn't care. The other two were and that's why I was wondering.
And thanks 5* (and whoever else) for having my back. Wink

amother

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 3:38 pm

emesornt wrote:

That's a once in a while thing. OP specifically stated she does this all the time.

OP again-
Not that I think there's anything terribly wrong with someone who does frequent a hookah bar regularly, but as it happens, I haven't gone in years and this just happened to be out of the blue that I went twice in a row.
I would tell you to take a course in reading comprehension, but that would just be rude.
I said in my initial post, if you want to start a new thread about hookah or bars, please do so. I had a question about etiquette because I don't want to offend other people and thought this would be a good place to get another opinion.
Since you're so frum, I'm sure you care to know that Ahavat Yisroel is an important thing and you can respect and learn from the fact that I'm trying to respect other people.

EmesOrNT

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

emesornt wrote:

That's a once in a while thing. OP specifically stated she does this all the time.

Actually, I wasn't talking about the bar thing. I was talking about the kashrus aspect, and I repeatedly said that I knew that wasn't your question, but I was answering on tangent with the thread. My comment referred to this disclaimer:

Quote:

I don't always eat out kosher in dairy restaurants

I did not mean anything personal, I was just commenting on a fact you already mentioned. I don't need a course in reading comprehension. I specifically answered according to what you asked. I specifically mentioned that I knew kashrus was not your question.

Please, don't make a personal thing out of this by insulting me. I

Last edited by EmesOrNT on Mon, Jan 23 2012, 3:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 4:44 pm

emesornt wrote:

amother wrote:

emesornt wrote:

That's a once in a while thing. OP specifically stated she does this all the time.

Quote:

I don't always eat out kosher in dairy restaurants

I meant that to mean I don't always eat out in kosher dairy restaurants. I know that most people would consider that eating non-kosher and I didn't want this conversation to go down that path, as I explicitly said in that post. I acknowledge that you acknowledged that you knew that wasn't my question but then discussed what I explicitly requested you don't.
I know I can't control a thread, and you have all the liberty Yael allows to discuss whatever you want in a thread, but in general to keep threads from spinning out of topic, if a person has a question and you really care about what that person cares about, you answer the question or you stay out of the conversation.
The question whether if eating salad in a non kosher restaurant is kosher warrants a completely different answer than whether someone would be offended if you ate food that wasn't on course with their kashruth standards. (Or, to keep this thread from degenerating into a thread about whether eating salad in a non-kosher restaurant is kosher, whether someone would be offended if you went out with them and ate food that wasn't kosher.)
If I'm coming across as kind of sharp at this point it's because I feel disrespected. To be perfectly honest, I am hurt by what you and another responder said. I am actually a very sensitive person. I know I have what to work on- definitely in terms of kashruth- but I don't appreciate the way you answered my question.
I'm telling you this to make you aware that there is a real live human being over here. This isn't a computer-generated request.
I don't mean to insult you and I'm sorry that I did say something before that was insulting about reading comprehension.
In the future, it would be helpful to the OP to answer her question and not comment on the stuff you acknowledge she doesn't want advice on right now.

EmesOrNT

Mon, Jan 23 2012, 4:55 pm

Quote:

I don't always eat out kosher in dairy restaurants

Quote:

I don't always eat out in kosher dairy restaurants

You can see how these two sentences mean two entirely differnt things. It's understandable, that based on the first quote, mentioned at the beginning of the thread, posters including me, came to the conclusion we did.

Quote:

I know I can't control a thread, and you have all the liberty Yael allows to discuss whatever you want in a thread, but in general to keep threads from spinning out of topic, if a person has a question and you really care about what that person cares about, you answer the question or you stay out of the conversation.

No, you can't. Which is why I specifically mentioned that kashrus was not your intention, but I answered it anyway, because it was a question further along in the thread. That's how a conversation works. You can't pose a question and expect everyone to ignore half the post.

Quote:

To be perfectly honest, I am hurt by what you and another responder said.

I'm sorry you were hurt. It was never my intention. I thought I answered your question adequately.

Quote:

I'm telling you this to make you aware that there is a real live human being over here. This isn't a computer-generated request.

That works both ways.