Is this rude, or is it just me?

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 10:15 am

People do this all the time and I find it rude. Is it just me? A girl who was my husband's student in seminary a few years ago brought over her family to visit in the middle of the afternoon, because they happened to be on a tour in our city. They did not wake up this morning and surprise! find themselves in our city. They are on an organized tour. They had to have gotten an itinerary before their trip, they knew they would be here today weeks ago. If these parents, adults, wanted to meet my family they could have called this morning or earlier and ask if they could come. People who have been our students, or our shabbos guests do this.
This particular occasion irked me because not only were we not particularly close to this girl but my house is a mess, I was napping on the couch while my little kids were playing quietly in the living room. It was embarrassing to be woken up to these people who I never met at my door and I couldn't exactly not let them in.
If it's someone we were or are very close to, who spent a lot of time in my house I don't ever mind. But someone I wasn't close to and to bring parents and siblings? And for parents to go along with it?
Is something any of you would do when visiting Israel? Why not call first?
I'm putting this in the Israel section because I think this particular situation is unique to Israel.

peppermint

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 10:33 am

it depends on your personality. My SIL loves when people stop in to say hi. It makes no difference how her house looks, she is a real people person and loves company.

I know someone else who, if you dont call before you come (and she doesnt want to see you now) she will pretend not to be home and wont open the door. (obviously this wont work if you have kids sceaming on the other side of the door)

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 10:35 am

not that it was necessarily right, but here Israel everyone is more laid back about formalities, last minute & feel like e/1 is family (that's why e/ lady on the bus feels the need to tell you why your baby is crying...). It does irk me sometimes (like why can't I know what class dd is in till the day b4 school & still haven't gotten a school calendar), but that is the way it is here. just take care to teach your kids the manners that are important to you!

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 11:02 am

amother wrote:

that is why I was answering the Israeli mentality

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 11:08 am

amother wrote:

I meant unique to Israel in that so many Americans, etc. come to visit, on vacation, come for yeshiva and seminary, go to strangers for shabbos meals.
It is occurring in Israel, when people are visitors here. They aren't Israelis and it isn't coming from an Israeli mentality.

that is why I was answering the Israeli mentality

amother

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 11:13 am

Sorry messed up the quotes above.

amother wrote:

that is why I was answering the Israeli mentality

Sun, Aug 26 2012, 11:41 am

It's not just you; it is rude.

I think sometimes people forget that not everyone is on vacation (available for visiting) at the same time. When you are wrapped up in your own vacation fantasyland, it can be hard to remember that your friends/acquaintances/relatives/strangers are going to work and school and might not be in the mood for a visit.

Inspired

Mon, Aug 27 2012, 8:49 am

peppermint wrote:

it depends on your personality. My SIL loves when people stop in to say hi. It makes no difference how her house looks, she is a real people person and loves company.

But, if you didn't know her would you stop by just because you happened to be in her neighborhood with no notice beforehand?

I think it is rude and I wouldn't do it, unless it was someone I was very close to.
I do think people visiting Israel get this idea that they are special because they are visiting and of course people that live here want to host them with no notice any day of the week. I think it is strange.

zaq

Mon, Aug 27 2012, 9:41 am

You're right; it does have to do with being in Israel and the ridiculous idea chutznikim have that everyone in Israel is really a museum docent/ tour guide and just plotzing to drop whatever they're doing to show tourists around or feed or house them.

It is extremely rude to drop in on someone without prior notice, even more so when you're not close, triple that when you knew that you would be there and could have let them know in advance. Even though Israelis are by and large less stiff about such proprieties than Americans, it's still rude. Israelis are not reenactors working in Colonial Williamsburg--they're people whose real lives are being disrupted.