DD is pregnant!!?!?!?

amother

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 10:53 am

Omg!! DD told me last night that she took a pregnancy test and that it came out positive, we are going to the doctor today....what should I do...she is still in High School (beis yaakov...!!)

[Yael has determined that this is a troll post. Please do not worry about the situation described. Read through to the end, if you'd like. -merelyme, as mod.]

abound

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 10:57 am

Call a big rabbi, like Rabbi Dovid Feinstein. Did you know this was a possiblitly?
I hope you get the support you need to deal with this wisely and in the best way.
By the way, See if she knows who the father is, and if she/ rabbi decides that she should keep the baby then he knows and is aware and does his part. If she decides to adopt he should also be aware that he has a child in this world. (and maybe he will be more careful in the future too)

Fabulous

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 10:58 am

wow! Did you have any signs from her behavior that all was not right? Never mind, that's not important.

First thing: Be supportive!! Tell her how much you love her and you will always be there for her.

Next: Doctor

Next: Really competent and amazing Rav

Hatzlacha and bishaa tova!!

malkacooks

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 11:03 am

I'm not sure you should involve a rabbi until you speak to the boy's parents first. They might be blindsighted by this like you are and also having a big rabbi involved might be overwhelming upon just hearing the news. They might be supportive and helpful through this process...

Do you know the boy's parents? know their temprement etc.

I know someone else that this happened to and they sent her to Israel to have the baby while they figured out what to do. She is due in January so have chizzuck that you are not the only one that has had this happen

amother

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 11:03 am

I second Fabulous.

I know of 2 girls I have reason to believe were in the same situation. One is having a quick wedding, the other went to live with family abroad for 6 months, then came back and finished school.

Hatzlacha with whatever happens.

How is your DH doing?? Give DD lots of support....gosh!

nacs

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 11:06 am

Oy, I feel your pain. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. I live out of town, if you do consider adoption for your daughter's baby, I have an amazing couple who would provide a wonderful home and I would be eager to help you in whatever way I could (including hosting your daughter oot for school possibly?)

amother

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

Omg!! DD told me last night that she took a pregnancy test and that it came out positive, we are going to the doctor today....what should I do...she is still in High School (beis yaakov...!!)

Be there for her. Support her. Love her.

Help her decide what to do. Does she want to keep the baby? Raise the baby on her own? Give the baby up for adoption?

Be there for her. Support her. Love her. (Worth saying twice.)

Our niece has a baby before she was married; the father was not Jewish. Her parents consulted our rabbi (long story). What do we tell people? You tell them that you've been blessed by the birth of a grandchild. What do we say if they ask if our daughter is married? You tell them she's not. The bris was held at our shul. The mohel was well known and well respected in the Orthodox community. When asked about doing the bris under these circumstances, he said This is a Jewish boy. He needs a bris.

She is not the first. She will not be the last. It's not what we want for our kids, because we want our kids' lives to be easy, and this isn't easy.

And hugs to you, OP. You need support, too. Speak to someone you trust. Get the support you need.

As to your daughter, be there for her. Support her. Love her. (Worth saying three times.)

Meema2Kids

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 11:20 am

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

amother

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:11 pm

Meema2Kids wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

If a rav gives this girl a heter for an abortion, you think she needs an okay from her boyfriend first? It's her body and her emotional health at stake. What would you say if OP said that a rav gave the abortion heter but the baby's father (who is 16) wants to keep the baby and the girl does not want to be pregnant and have the baby?

amother

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:13 pm

amother wrote:

Meema2Kids wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

I agree 100%.
If you ask me, all the boy needs is a kick in his you know what.

Meema2Kids

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:14 pm

amother wrote:

Meema2Kids wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

I didn't say they should do whatever the boy says to do, did I?

vintagebknyc

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:15 pm

amother wrote:

Meema2Kids wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

no, I don't think she needs an okay from the boyfriend first. I believe that if a man has s*x without birth control, he loses all his rights in regard to this decision

busydev

Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:17 pm

Meema2Kids wrote:

amother wrote:

Meema2Kids wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

Ditto this!!

IMO, the boy needs to be involved in every step. I don't know what the relationship is, but it took two people to make this baby.

I didn't say they should do whatever the boy says to do, did I?

yes the boy should know what he has done even if it means abortion whether he agrees or not.

I would say

1. contact boy and parents
2. contact rav that you both agree to who is highly competent and an expert in such areas (r' dovid feinstein or r' dovid cohen)
3. contact a dr

this should all be done asap cause your daughter should get to a dr and soon.

Last edited by busydev on Tue, Nov 27 2012, 12:18 pm; edited 1 time in total