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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Period

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amother

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:40 am

Hi,
My dd is 11 years old. She has matured more than the typical girl her age. I am agonizing if I should talk to her about the period. Is it necessary at this point to discuss it with her? How should I reveal it to her?

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:43 am

She is 11 and you haven't talked to her yet? What are you waiting for?

I have heard from several noted mechanchos how imperative it is to speak to your DD by age 10 at the LATEST. Would you rather she fish for bits and pieces of info from her friends? Perhaps you are waiting for her to get up at recess time, only to realize she got her pg and freak out in front of all her classmates (this happened in my DD's 5th grade class)?

Go take your DD out for icecream and a mother-to-daughter chat, TODAY.

lovely1

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:45 am

If she's 11 and did not get her period yet, she did not mature faster than the typical girl. I would definitely tell her by now. I did so with my daughter.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:47 am

lovely1 wrote:

If she's 11 and did not get her period yet, she did not mature faster than the typical girl. I would definitely tell her by now. I did so with my daughter.

True. By 11 it's normal to get your period - not early.

I'm one of 7 sisters, and 2 of my sisters got their period at age 11.

ETA - and they are the most petite of the sisters. They were not necessarily more physically developed, so there wasn't any big advanced signs of it either.

Last edited by Chayalle on Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:49 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:48 am

I heard theres a jewish book to go through with your daughter about puberty. Anyone know what its called?

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:50 am

the wonder of becoming you. I bought it a couple of years ago at a yard sale and went through it. I think it's a good supplement to the talk you should be having, not a replacement. just saying. I don't think it's as wonderful as people make it out to be, but it is very simple.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:52 am

The Wonder of Becoming You

It's an excellent book to give your DD after you have had a discussion with her, to round out the conversation. Both of my DD's enjoyed it and found it informative.

But it's important to talk to her directly, so that she knows this is an ok topic to discuss with her mother.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 10:57 am

In terms of how to discuss with your DD, it depends alot on her personality and your relationship.

My older DD is the very inquisitive type, who used to ask alot of questions (actually, still does!) so it was easy to find an opening to tell her what she needs to know.

My next DD is the happy-go-lucky easygoing type, who wouldn't notice things until they crashed into her.....so I had to initiate. Found a quiet time when her other sisters were not around, and opened the conversation, telling her that I've been waiting for a time when we could talk, just the two of us, because there are some things that a Mother discusses with her daughter when she is big and growing up, and I want to tell her these things....then told her, and she was fascinated, and asked questions, and read the book, and came back with more questions, etc....

Good for you for taking this very important step as your DD grows into a young lady. Wishing you Hatzlacha!

amother

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 12:56 pm

How should I start the conversation and relate it to her? Its my oldest dd and I have no experience.

rydys

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 1:01 pm

I took the book mentioned above and read it with my daughter, one chapter a night. As we went along I supplemented what I wanted to and encouraged her to ask any questions she had. It was much easier than I thought

amother

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 1:25 pm

Please tell her now.
I got my first period at 11 and a half. I thought I was dying. Then it went away. When it came the second month I went crying to my mother that something is terribly wrong. My mother did not tell me a head of time because my sister who was three years older had just gotten her first period at 14.

I told my daughters by age 10. The both got it at 11 and a half- even the one who is underweight.

On a side note- You want your daughter to hear the details from you and to know you are available for questions.
I had a friend who did not speak to her daughter who was in 8 grade. I kept on telling her you must bring up the issue. In December I told her to speak to her daughter (I knew her daughter was taking pads from my daughter. She told me Don't worry -her four sisters did not get it before high school. Over the next few months I kept reminding her.
Finally two days before camp I went to her and said "did you speak to your daughter?" She said "I will speak to her. You think I will send her to camp with out telling her."
I said "you missed the boat you daughter came to my house this morning telling my daughter "please ask your mother for an extra pack of pads- my mother did not speak to me yet." You keep on saying you know your daughter - I spent the last six months trying to get you to open a conversation with your child while I knew you daughter was having her period since September. Boy was my friend embarrassed.

Open a line of communication with your daughter now while she is young. You prefer she speaks with you rather than asking friends and neighbors for help.

amother

Wed, Dec 26 2012, 1:26 pm

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