Dear Rebbe.... | Imamother

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 10:10 am

My son just informed me the other day that you told him that people that move out of the center of Monsey and towards the outskirts are "running away from Hashem"...
Well , we moved to the outskirts since that was the only area where we could afford a home.
After living in Monsey for more than a decade in various multi family dwellings I have to say that those years was my first experience of sinas chinam, lack of tznius and privacy and various other issues.
Now that I moved away, I took the opportunity to teach my kids to make a Kiddush Hashem , they greet all of our non jewish and non frum neighbors and show respect...
I taught my children that we can set an example by keeping our yard clean and neat, and that not all jews live like pigs. ( the property where we lived before was written about in the papers, for its disgraceful mess)
I appreciate the fact that when my DH comes home, he doesnt have to walk around the building because there are whole bunch of women sitting out in the driveway chatting and it doesnt dawn on them to move aside to let the men pass.
We now have the opportunity to go out in our huge back yard and discover what beautiful birds, creatures , insects and plants Hakadosh Baruch Hu created...something we were not able to do with an asphalt back yard and buildings surrounding us on all sides.

But I dont need to excuse myself as to why I chose to move out of the "Center" and mess of Monsey...yet you feel the need to send messages to my son. Have you ever thought of the repercussions a comment like that could make? What kind of message are you trying to send? I dont appreciate comments like these...and if it werent for the original Monsey pioneers who moved out into the boondocks back in the day...you yourself wouldnt be living in the center of Monsey today....

Thank you for all your hard work , but I would appreciate if you can think about thw effect you have on my child with statements like these.

With all due respect,
Your talmid's mother

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

I cant believe a rebbi actually told that to your son? if he has an issue with you moving out, he should tell it to you, not him. I hope you are telling this rebbi exactly what you have written here!

The biggest irony is that my DH and I were just raving about this rebbe how great and "open minded" he is...well I guess not...I'm not saying anything. It's my son's last year there..he is going to Yeshiva after that, so I'm not going to bother....

Chayalle

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 11:50 am

It's a great opportunity for your son to learn how to filter things. It's something I discuss with my teens all the time. Every person is complex - no one is perfect. Every so often a great teacher will make an off comment. That's when you are supposed to use your critical thinking skills and know that not every comment applies to every situation...not every comment is 100% right even if that person is someone you respect...and there are times you have to use your instinct and trust your gut feeling.

So this is a great Rebbe, and he may be right in some situations, but it doesn't apply to you. Use this opportunity to teach your son to think and realize this.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 11:54 am

Chayalle wrote:

Thanks, that's great advice! He really likes this Rebbe and I also did until this point, so this helps put things in perspective.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 12:40 pm

seeker wrote:

What the...?!

I can only assume that there's a lot of context missing here. Even a 13-year-old can miss a point sometimes. Or can take something out of context to cause a stir.

I don't know Monsey dynamics but maybe he was talking about some specific breakaway group?

There are people that feel that you cant raise frum children in a neighborhood with non jewish people dominating the area. Especially in Monsey ...my kids never had a non jewish neighbor until we moved...initially my kids were "scared" ...I grew up in Brooklyn with non jewish neighbors all around me, so I never had an issue...Monsey people are much more sheltered...that's where this attitude comes from...I've heard my boss discouraging someone from moving out to where I live , he said "You cant raise yiddeshe kinder out there"...you would think I live out in who knows where....we have 4 minyanim within a 10-15 min walking distance!

amother

Sienna

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 12:43 pm

amother wrote:

I don't understand why rebbi's don't just stick to teaching Torah/ mitzvot and love of Yiddishkeit- so frustrated for you! I guess your son didn't raise his hand and say- we moved to the outskirts and its wonderful!

My son is what people call "temimusdig" ...he takes everything literally...so especially him, he truly believes that what his rebbe said is true...He knows that we are very frum and that it's not so....and he gets confused.

amother

Purple

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 1:08 pm

My fil is the same way about us living in passaic. He's upset, says there are no Ehrlich yidden here, no proper shuls.
We've told him till we r blue in the face what a qonderful, frum, Ehrlich community it is. He's visited us here. But unless you live in the heart of boro park, my fil says it's not frum enough. Never mind that when he bought his own house 20 years ago that area was the outskirts too. But some ppl have this idiotic idea and u just roll your eyes and move along with your day. Exploding anger

SRS

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 2:20 pm

I would deliver a note (not one that is so flowery), but a simple note saying. . . . "as you know Shmueli holds what you say in very high esteem and takes what you say as a type of daas torah. When you said that those who live in the outskirts of Monsey are running away from Hashem, he became quite confused because right in front of his very eyes he sees people who are clinging to Torah and you denigrated them and our family. Our family, you, and the school are partners in education. I hope you will carefully consider your words in the future and correct the impression that you left him with, should your statement not reflect the point you were trying to make. Thank you. (And P.S. We actually believe that moving to the outskirts has increased our observance).

gittelchana

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 2:34 pm

amother wrote:

My son just informed me the other day that you told him that people that move out of the center of Monsey and towards the outskirts are "running away from Hashem"...

Because Hashem can only be found in the center of Monsey.

***Thinks of childhood song - Hashem is here, Hashem is there, Hashem is truly everywhere.... up up, down down, right, left and all around, here there and everywhere that's where he can be found....***

2cents

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 5:32 pm

We recently moved a completely not jewish neighborhood in Flatbush and I'm finding that it's easier to shelter my kids here. I no longer have to explain why "moishy's" snack is not ok for my son, or why the words "chana" uses aren't ok in our house, or why for the 100th time I don't let my kids play video games/watch dvds at "dovid's" house.

PLUS, We have a yard! And parking! And room to breathe!

There's a lot to be said for moving out of the center of town...

imasinger

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 6:10 pm

SRS wrote:

Perfect!

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 6:36 pm

Disclaimer; I'm a chasidishe and my family all around are chasidishe too.
I cant imagine this comment was the first that dose not correlate with your values, this so called chasidishe values are shove down throat of our most valuable assets, our next generation, I don't understand why people who are not real believers in the small box chasidishe system, still send their coming generation to be gobbled up on something they them self are completely at odds with. Yes I'm talking from my own experience, my children got the same direct and subliminal messages, it was very destructive to them, because you cant have your child get one way from home and another direction from home. We still run a complete chasidishe home, but we send our kids to mosdos who more or less reflect our hashkafa. (I.e. not to the main street chasidishe mosdos like pupa, visnitz, belz.) if you think about it this chushive rebbi had the nerves to go openly against some parents of his students, you could just imagine how much more he puts into them Subconsciously. I don't blame the rebbi, because he really thinks he is helping your son by driving him away from you, back to Monsey, sorry, back to Hashem. I do strongly believe that every parent should take responsibility for their offspring's way of life.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 7:48 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Why can't you tell this to this rebbe? You sound respectful. Maybe you can broaden his horizons a bit.

If anything, most likely your area in 10 years will be outskirts no more, just like many other bustling Frum neighborhoods started off small.

THIS

About 10 years ago I moved to the outskirts of Monsey. We are no longer the outskirts. Monsey is expanding in every direction.