Repeating Kindergarten When Already Oldest

amother

Ivory

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 10:43 pm

I'm just trying to hear from people who have been through this. I have a meeting with the teachers but need some encouragement. This doesn't come as a surprise but my son is behind academically. The teacher called and said unless someone is sitting with him he does no work independently. While the other kids are learning sight words he is not fluent in alphabet recognition. Socially he is amazing. Really thrives. He is already one of the oldest in the class turning 6 in Dec. I'm hoping we can help him with tutoring as even the in class assistance isn't helping. If it comes to making him repeat kindergarten what should I do? I'm trying to read studies regarding kids repeating grades. It doesn't look good. He would be over a year and half older than some kids. I get so frustrated trying to work with him. I'm sick over this and just feeling so sad. I just want him to be happy and thrive.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 10:52 pm

My concern is struggling for years in school passing by the skin of his teeth. I don't want him having low self esteem from being oldest but I can't imagine as he gets older feeling great about himself when he is stuggling to keep up. Also if he does have to repeat wouldn't it be better at age 5 then 11?

Kiwi13

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 10:54 pm

Social stuff is soooo important! I’d be reluctant to hold him back too.

A question I would ask is how likely is it that holding him back would even solve his academic problems? Could there be something else going on that’s affecting his academic performance? (Dyslexia, learning disability, ADHD...?) Have you had him formally evaluated? There might be another answer besides holding him back. Finding and addressing whatever the issue is now, at this early stage, can help him catch up quicker than you might think.

Social promotion isn’t always helpful, but holding kids back has its drawbacks too... socially unhappy kids often struggle academically too. The social struggles can spill into other areas of life and functioning. Not a decision to take lightly.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 10:56 pm

I would give him another year. The mental skills for reading seem to kick in at different times for different kids, and this literally just may be a matter of waiting a few months, not a long-term learning issue.

Even if it is a long-term issue, I don't think being one year behind will help. If he needs extra assistance, he'd need it next year also.

If he is doing well socially, I'd move him up with his class, make sure he gets lots of stimulation over the summer, and a tutor for next year. This way you're giving him the best chance of success.

chayamiriam

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:04 pm

From my own past experience with my daughter holding a kid back is far far more damaging than leaving him with kids his own age. He just might struggle the same even left behind! Try to find out his problem with retention and teaching him in a direction that he needs will yield more success in solving his learning problems without killing his selfasteam just keep working to find out why he is not keeping up with the class. Hatzlucha

amother

Emerald

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:07 pm

The main reason for having a child repeat a grade is because they need time to catch up developmentally. Being that he is the oldest in the class by June if he is still struggling it's probably not a time issue but a learning issue. Has your son been evaluated? If there are learning concerns you're best off getting him the specialized help he needs starting asap.

seeker

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:49 pm

If he is amazing socially and at the older end of his grade, then he should NOT repeat the grade. You need to begin as much intervention as you can right away, and get a dept of ed evaluation to see if you can 1) get more intervention in school and 2) get more insight into what is causing the delays. Then, once you have people working with him individually, then you can get a better handle on what would be the best placement for next year. Look into ideas of schools that might be more supportive and have help built into their program in case your interventions aren't able to bring him up to speed within the next few months.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 12:04 am

Jewish day school options are limited where I live so it isn't so easy to switch. The other option is a HUGE school one in which Im sure he will be lost in the crowd. I would be sad to put him in public school, don't even think it would be better. I know everyone says early intervention but I don't even know where to begin. He is getting speech 1x week and classroom assistance 1xweek. Do I find a local tutor independently? Ask the school? He is tired after school would he behave with a tutor? Where do I get a learning evaluation? Would he even fully participate as he can get silly if he doesn't want to answer.

seeker

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 12:23 am

1. I don't know your specific school but I wouldn't assume that one gets lost in the crowd in huge schools by default. I've seen huge schools that do an excellent job meeting individual needs and I've seen small schools that completely fail at this.

2. Wherever you're getting the speech and classroom assistance from, did they do an evaluation? Can you appeal for more help?

3. Where to get an evaluation will depend on where you live. Since you're anonymous anyway, want to provide some hints so people can help with resources? I'm in NY and the default would be your local dept of ed. I would not worry about getting silly, educational evaluators know how kids can be and should be able to work with it, especially since kids save most of their silly behavior for the people they're already familiar with.

4. If he's that far behind the class, then let the tutor pull him out from class instead of at home when he's already tired, and work additionally within the classroom to get to the bottom of why he can't or won't work independently.

amother

Amber

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 3:57 am

I just tried pushing my kid ahead (make her youngest in the class). Principal was scared for this reason - in her experience the kid will remain "the child who was held back" through graduation. It's a stigma that's created and (not necessarily will it) could effect the child for years to come.
If he is already suffering from learning disabilities please don't create a social stigma as well!

amother

Silver

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 5:12 am

Same issue with my DD. We are in Baltimore and in K. I think the girls schools are better at this. But we just supplement a lot at home. We do a lot at home with her. She is a very smart kid who is simply resistant to learning and working hard to learn. We did alef bais and abc all last year and summer. Now, we are working with her on sight words, math etc. Some children don't understand how and what a sight word is. I drew a bunch of pictures on the board with her and asked her what they are and of course she knew. Then I drew the word and told her it is the same thing. After that, she finally got it. My DD needs things broken down very well for her first. But she is very smart and great socially. This has been our approach. My husband thinks the same way as she does so he can explain why she is missing something to me then I can understand how to teach it. Can you and your husband work with him? Granted, it's hard. We both work full time and she isn't our only child.

amother

Azure

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 7:29 am

Just want to share, there was a boy in my class growing up who had been held back (he was supposed to be in the grade ahead of me) and he had been one of the oldest to begin with, he was actually more than a year and half older than me. He is a normal, successful adult now (doctor, married with a kid) but he had a tough time in school. We knew he was supposed to be in the grade ahead and he was bullied relentlessly, called stupid, etc. Most f the class did not attend his bar mitzvah. The few of us who did (myself included) were forced by our parents who knew this would happen and wanted to do the right thing (as much as I hated my parents at the time for doing this, I sure am glad now, for the lifelong lesson it imparted). Anyway, in the years since I was a kid, both skipping and holding back aren't really done anymore because we now know both have more drawbacks than benefits. Keep him where he is, evaluate for a learning disability, and get him the appropriate help.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 9:09 am

amother wrote:

See to me she sounds right at peer level. He is learning aleph beis but can't remember them. Forget sight words he still hasn't mastered lower case letters. I know this wasn't taught last year but most kids have seemed to pick it up. It's hard to work at home with him but we try.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 9:15 am

My Dd repeated kindergarten because of her learning disability. In retrospect it was not the right decision. She is very conscious about being the oldest. (almost 2 yrs older than some girls) and she still struggles. I honestly dont see what repeating helps. Unless the kid is immature or socially off, it doesnt solve the problem.

The kid with a language issue will struggle all through school.

amother

Silver

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 9:24 am

amother wrote:

She wouldn't be without all the work we do. My dh spent his whole life almost failing and hardly hanging on. I won't let that happen to her. I work with her all the time. But we make it fun. She had a miserable time learning and remembering abc/alef bais. When we first started, she would have literal melt down. But it's fun for her now. Yes, its really hard time wise. We have really full time jobs with a commute and she isn't the only 1. It's hard. But we reap the rewards because she is now up to grade level. But every new topic they do, is more work for us.